UpperNwGuy wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 10:33 pm I think the best of both worlds is to have three accounts: his, hers, and ours.
+1
UpperNwGuy wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 10:33 pm I think the best of both worlds is to have three accounts: his, hers, and ours.
I think arguments start because of criticism of purchases on non essentials. If both spouses work it seems like both should be able to make *some* purchases which the other might not approve.
Great response!dagsboro wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 4:16 pm There should be no hard and fast and immutable rules in 2023. No cookbook. No algorithm. It depends on the couple. It depends on the situation. It depends on the generation. It depends on the knowledge. It depends on the income. It depends on emotional intelligence. It depends.
It’s also good to have a separate account at different banks in case one bank freezes your account, you get scammed, or one of you dies. The survivor (or one of you) can still eat and pay bills while the other account(s) are being straightened out.fyre4ce wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 6:45 pm Five years later, the individual accounts have been of limited value. . .
I asked my spouse a year or two ago if she'd be OK closing her personal account and she said no, she prefers to keep it, which was fine with me - the opportunity cost is tiny if it makes her feel better. I considered closing mine, but it's at a different bank (brick-and-mortar; our joint checking is online-only) and I've found it convenient to be able to deposit physical cash, sometimes my personal account has features (eg. Zelle) that the joint one didn't have. So we still have the three.
We track ALL of our expenses in a spreadsheet and then bucket categories (i.e. mortgage, groceries, etc.). Two of the categories are the fun/personal expenses (one for me, one for spouse). We do our banking updates essentially twice each month when we get paid and fortunately we get paid on the same day. Two paychecks deposited into checking ... then funds are sent to various directions (i.e. x goes to IRAs, y goes to joint taxable, z goes to 529, leftover amount stays in checking to pay bills, etc.).pizzy wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 3:30 pmFor those of you that do this (I like the idea), how do you spend from these accounts? Debit card? Cash?Johnny Thinwallet wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 2:32 pm
That said, we do each have our own fun/personal individual savings accounts and $100 each pay period goes into these accounts for each of us. We each have 24 pays annually so that's $2,400 per year into each individual account. Personal fun expenses are then pulled from those accounts.
Oh my goodness, I LOVE this story!AlohaBill wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 11:14 am On our wedding day night at a hotel near Honolulu’s airport, I took off my pants and offered them to my bride. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wanted nothing to do with everyday monetary affairs. She grabbed said pants (never giving them back) and said she wanted me to drive her everywhere. Since then she keeps the checkbook, pays the bills (I plug in the numbers on the computer) and says “no” to most of my ideas that involve spending her PRECIOUS money. I have driven her in Japan, Hawaii, Saudi Arabia and California. One of the reasons I assented to cardiac surgery was she said I still needed to drive her around.
AGREE! We have a joint house account to pay mortgage, bills, and whatever costs we want to share equally, split 50/50. We keep all other accounts individual, and it works well.Taylor Larimore wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 7:19 pm Bogleheads:
An important decision that all couples face is whether to keep separate or combined financial accounts.
Pat and I were married 62 years. We started out with combined finances. She was a spender and I was a saver which began to undermine our marriage. Fortunately, we decided early to change to separate accounts which solved our problem.
What do you think?
https://www.morningstar.com/news/market ... tudy-finds
Best wishes.
TaylorJack Bogle's Words of Wisdom: “Learn every day, but especially from the experiences of others. It's cheaper!”
I made (+/-) 4x what my spouse made for many years running. I did the majority of heavy lifting on big-ticket items: mortgage (s, two when we had our rental house), insurance package, property taxes, federal tax owed (usually a result of my self-employment), majority monthly spending on AMEX, and a gaggle of nuisance bills (cable/ internet/ phone, cell phone, utilities) All paid from my personal checking account. She concentrated on kid stuff: day care, camp, school activities. All paid for from her personal checking account. She also kept a vacation fund and a kitchen-redo fund (still pending) Currently (permanently?) my business is down, and we bring in a similar amount. I still "take care" of "my" items, but I've been making up the difference by using cash savings... with her approval and knowledge each time.alexbogle wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 11:05 am I'm curious about advice from those with separate accounts.
If one salary is a lot more than your partner's salary (4x), how do you pay for shared costs?
Up until now, I have been comfortable paying about 3x compared to her 1x. And I'm fine continuing to do that. Maybe contributing roughly those amounts to a joint account that shared costs get paid from?
We have no plans for children so the "stay at home" aspect doesn't really come into play.
Anyway, I'm curious what others do in this scenario. Including, the technicality of what accounts pay what and if you also have a joint account in addition to the separate accounts.
Thanks for this and to others who responded to my inquiry. Good insights from others' perspectives.Harry Livermore wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 6:17 amI made (+/-) 4x what my spouse made for many years running. I did the majority of heavy lifting on big-ticket items: mortgage (s, two when we had our rental house), insurance package, property taxes, federal tax owed (usually a result of my self-employment), majority monthly spending on AMEX, and a gaggle of nuisance bills (cable/ internet/ phone, cell phone, utilities) All paid from my personal checking account. She concentrated on kid stuff: day care, camp, school activities. All paid for from her personal checking account. She also kept a vacation fund and a kitchen-redo fund (still pending) Currently (permanently?) my business is down, and we bring in a similar amount. I still "take care" of "my" items, but I've been making up the difference by using cash savings... with her approval and knowledge each time.alexbogle wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 11:05 am I'm curious about advice from those with separate accounts.
If one salary is a lot more than your partner's salary (4x), how do you pay for shared costs?
Up until now, I have been comfortable paying about 3x compared to her 1x. And I'm fine continuing to do that. Maybe contributing roughly those amounts to a joint account that shared costs get paid from?
We have no plans for children so the "stay at home" aspect doesn't really come into play.
Anyway, I'm curious what others do in this scenario. Including, the technicality of what accounts pay what and if you also have a joint account in addition to the separate accounts.
Our joint checking gets used mostly for health-care related bills, college payments, and big-ticket home improvement items. We have been married for 26 years and are only up to check 807 on the joint account (I'm up to 9097 on my personal account)
She is very easygoing; I have a more serious demeanor and see everything as high-stakes. But neither of us are spendthrifts, and we talk openly about many relationship issues including money. There are quick monthly reviews (30,000' overview) and an annual, dreaded, budget meeting. It has been, at times, difficult... but often just fine. We laugh a lot. Sometimes I pout. Then I remember it's just money.
I don't think either one of us has ever said, "hey- you make 9/16ths the income but I noticed you are consistently only spending 1/2 of total household income. Where is the other 1/16???"
Cheers
It does and it doesn't.alfaspider wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 7:44 pm The problem with "separate" finances is you can't truly separate them. What your spouse does with their money impacts you regardless of whether it's kept in a separate account or not.
I do too!IowaFarmWife wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 8:54 pmOh my goodness, I LOVE this story!AlohaBill wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 11:14 am On our wedding day night at a hotel near Honolulu’s airport, I took off my pants and offered them to my bride. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wanted nothing to do with everyday monetary affairs. She grabbed said pants (never giving them back) and said she wanted me to drive her everywhere. Since then she keeps the checkbook, pays the bills (I plug in the numbers on the computer) and says “no” to most of my ideas that involve spending her PRECIOUS money. I have driven her in Japan, Hawaii, Saudi Arabia and California. One of the reasons I assented to cardiac surgery was she said I still needed to drive her around.
yep. debit cards and cash. all of our spendable income gets deposited into joint checking #1. we both have separate checking accounts at another institution (don't routinely have enough in them to avoid fees at primary institution). Wife always wants her money sent to 'fun' checking, sometimes I do, often I just hit the atm.pizzy wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 3:30 pmFor those of you that do this (I like the idea), how do you spend from these accounts? Debit card? Cash?Johnny Thinwallet wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 2:32 pm
That said, we do each have our own fun/personal individual savings accounts and $100 each pay period goes into these accounts for each of us. We each have 24 pays annually so that's $2,400 per year into each individual account. Personal fun expenses are then pulled from those accounts.
I think what you have is effectively just a spending rule. She can't spend more than her pension deposits into her account, and the separate account enforces the rule. But her spending impacts your finances since you are forced to front the emergency account and otherwise save enough to provide financial security for the both of you.Doom&Gloom wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 8:56 amIt does and it doesn't.alfaspider wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 7:44 pm The problem with "separate" finances is you can't truly separate them. What your spouse does with their money impacts you regardless of whether it's kept in a separate account or not.
Without separate finances and accounts we would have been divorced years ago. Had our finances been combined, free-spending DW would have spent all that she could access to zero or beyond. I would have been exceedingly stressed as that happened. Something would have had to give. We are certainly not typical of most here (or anywhere else probably) in that DW's retirement is heavily anchored by a pension that includes a COLA; mine is based upon IRAs. Having separate finances has worked extremely well for us for years.
However, we have recently confirmed what I have suspected for a long time: our emergency fund is ultimately what my emergency fund is as she has no savings at all. In prior years when we had to fund an emergency, I dug into mine and DW refunded me her share of those expenses as she could. Not ideal, but it worked. We have recently hit an emergency that she will likely not have the ability to chip in her share. I don't mind that for this particular emergency, and it has always been a possibility that I was aware of so it is easy to accept.
Neither of us have any regrets about having had separate finances. In fact, when DW's best friend was getting remarried several years ago, DW advised her to seriously consider having separate finances.
Not necessarily. I was married to someone for many decades who was extremely controlling about money. Finances were combined, but it was a dictatorship, not a team.Angel of Empire wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 6:05 am We combined before we were married. We are a team.
I'll bet the divorce rate is much higher for couples that tried to keep things separate.
Yep!climber2020 wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 9:12 am Every situation is different; discuss with your significant other and decide which approach is best for you.
Anyone with strong opinions one way or the other making blanket statements they feel should apply to everyone is a bigot.
That is almost what I said in my first sentence.alfaspider wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 10:06 amI think what you have is effectively just a spending rule. She can't spend more than her pension deposits into her account, and the separate account enforces the rule. But her spending impacts your finances since you are forced to front the emergency account and otherwise save enough to provide financial security for the both of you.Doom&Gloom wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 8:56 amIt does and it doesn't.alfaspider wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 7:44 pm The problem with "separate" finances is you can't truly separate them. What your spouse does with their money impacts you regardless of whether it's kept in a separate account or not.
Without separate finances and accounts we would have been divorced years ago. Had our finances been combined, free-spending DW would have spent all that she could access to zero or beyond. I would have been exceedingly stressed as that happened. Something would have had to give. We are certainly not typical of most here (or anywhere else probably) in that DW's retirement is heavily anchored by a pension that includes a COLA; mine is based upon IRAs. Having separate finances has worked extremely well for us for years.
However, we have recently confirmed what I have suspected for a long time: our emergency fund is ultimately what my emergency fund is as she has no savings at all. In prior years when we had to fund an emergency, I dug into mine and DW refunded me her share of those expenses as she could. Not ideal, but it worked. We have recently hit an emergency that she will likely not have the ability to chip in her share. I don't mind that for this particular emergency, and it has always been a possibility that I was aware of so it is easy to accept.
Neither of us have any regrets about having had separate finances. In fact, when DW's best friend was getting remarried several years ago, DW advised her to seriously consider having separate finances.
This is what I do in this scenario: Open a joint account, transfer all your money to it, change direct deposits to go to that account, and start paying all the bills from that account.alexbogle wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 11:05 am I'm curious about advice from those with separate accounts.
If one salary is a lot more than your partner's salary (4x), how do you pay for shared costs?
Up until now, I have been comfortable paying about 3x compared to her 1x. And I'm fine continuing to do that. Maybe contributing roughly those amounts to a joint account that shared costs get paid from?
We have no plans for children so the "stay at home" aspect doesn't really come into play.
Anyway, I'm curious what others do in this scenario. Including, the technicality of what accounts pay what and if you also have a joint account in addition to the separate accounts.
That’s essentially what the article states. Science and statistics favor a certain approach for superior outcomes.Angel of Empire wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 6:05 am We combined before we were married. We are a team.
I'll bet the divorce rate is much higher for couples that tried to keep things separate.
DW is a bit of a spender, in comparison to me. However, she has healthy retirement accounts that support her spending, so no worries.Jags4186 wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 8:25 am For married couples, unless some oddity is there like 1 person having extreme wealth prior to marriage or this being a second marriage with children from another, I don’t understand not having joined accounts.
I’m unsure how having separate accounts helps if one is a spender and one is saver. What happens when the saver asks the spender for money that they spent on whatever? If the saver is giving the spender an allowance I don’t think that is a healthy situation either.
Obviously though, Taylor and his wife have managed to make it work for 62 years…so what do I know.
As others mentioned, is the OP asking about separate accounts (IRAs alone make that unavoidable) or separate finances?Taylor Larimore wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 7:19 pm Bogleheads:
An important decision that all couples face is whether to keep separate or combined financial accounts.
Pat and I were married 62 years. We started out with combined finances. She was a spender and I was a saver which began to undermine our marriage. Fortunately, we decided early to change to separate accounts which solved our problem.
What do you think?
https://www.morningstar.com/news/market ... tudy-finds
Best wishes.
TaylorJack Bogle's Words of Wisdom: “Learn every day, but especially from the experiences of others. It's cheaper!”
Put us down for the “combined finances but separate accounts” team. I’m CFO; my spouse is not particularly interested in financial matters but willing to sit through brief, high-level quarterly financial reports, especially now that I’ve started including graphs. We use a joint asset allocation across all our accounts that I monitor and adjust if it gets too far out of whack. We trust each other and respect each others’ opinion; we’re also both pretty frugal and deliberate with our spending. For these reasons, it is unfathomable that one of us would make a major purchase without discussing it (likely ad nauseam) with the other, regardless of where the money is coming from.Taylor Larimore wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 7:19 pm Bogleheads:
An important decision that all couples face is whether to keep separate or combined financial accounts.
Pat and I were married 62 years. We started out with combined finances. She was a spender and I was a saver which began to undermine our marriage. Fortunately, we decided early to change to separate accounts which solved our problem.
What do you think?
https://www.morningstar.com/news/market ... tudy-finds
Best wishes.
TaylorJack Bogle's Words of Wisdom: “Learn every day, but especially from the experiences of others. It's cheaper!”
That's not really true. Retirement accounts have individual names on them, and I believe there are various rules for how those assets are split (if at all) in a divorce. Pensions also have various rules and restrictions on who they "belong" to.rob wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 10:34 pmIt's combined whether or not you like it... There MIGHT be exceptions for pre-marital assets that are never mixed depending on state and a stack of other things.... but it's all up for grabs in a contentious divorce, so pretending otherwise is not a great plan (short of an iron clad prenup and I'm not sure there is such thing).Maverick3320 wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 10:30 pm"When you look at leading causes of divorce money always seems to be in the top 3"Tyrael314 wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 7:28 pm Wife and I have everything combined. It's easier to keep track of and quite frankly she gave birth to my children if we can't trust each other on finances then . I understand that there are certain scenarios where it makes sense to have separate finances etc. but when you look at leading causes of divorce money always seems to be in top 3.
Combining everything just fits with how we operate our lives.
I'm not exactly sure how this is an argument in favor of combined finances.
You combine everything ! (except a company that she owns....)Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 2:13 pm We combine everything.
I will add that my wife owned a company when we met 20 years ago and she’s still the sole owner of all the shares. It’s the only asset we own that’s not owned jointly. If someday it’s sold I’d have nothing against her retaining the value in an account that’s in her name only, since I haven’t contributed all that much to its growth. If she tells me to pound sand tomorrow she can keep it.
Think thru a crazy scenario.. One spouse has 50x in a retirement account than the other with no other assets. You think that is not getting affected in a divorce? QDRO's exist for a reason... Sure there are exceptions but as a general ROT, I don't see how its false.Maverick3320 wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 11:03 pmThat's not really true. Retirement accounts have individual names on them, and I believe there are various rules for how those assets are split (if at all) in a divorce. Pensions also have various rules and restrictions on who they "belong" to.rob wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 10:34 pmIt's combined whether or not you like it... There MIGHT be exceptions for pre-marital assets that are never mixed depending on state and a stack of other things.... but it's all up for grabs in a contentious divorce, so pretending otherwise is not a great plan (short of an iron clad prenup and I'm not sure there is such thing).Maverick3320 wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 10:30 pm"When you look at leading causes of divorce money always seems to be in the top 3"Tyrael314 wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 7:28 pm Wife and I have everything combined. It's easier to keep track of and quite frankly she gave birth to my children if we can't trust each other on finances then . I understand that there are certain scenarios where it makes sense to have separate finances etc. but when you look at leading causes of divorce money always seems to be in top 3.
Combining everything just fits with how we operate our lives.
I'm not exactly sure how this is an argument in favor of combined finances.
Just like anything else in marriage - communication and compromise.alexbogle wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 11:05 am I'm curious about advice from those with separate accounts.
If one salary is a lot more than your partner's salary (4x), how do you pay for shared costs?
Up until now, I have been comfortable paying about 3x compared to her 1x. And I'm fine continuing to do that. Maybe contributing roughly those amounts to a joint account that shared costs get paid from?
We have no plans for children so the "stay at home" aspect doesn't really come into play.
Anyway, I'm curious what others do in this scenario. Including, the technicality of what accounts pay what and if you also have a joint account in addition to the separate accounts.
This is the way, with the caveat that you don't need to take turns every few months contributing to the joint account - you can set up an automatic monthly transfers from each individual account into the joint. The beauty of this system is that each can contribute the same amount to the joint account, or it can be done on a percentage basis if there is some big income discrepancy. Once them money is there, the expenses paid out of the account will automatically be allocated by the formula you have set for contributing to the joint account (ie 50/50, or 60/40 or whatever).22twain wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 11:09 pmSame here. We married in our mid/late 30s (now late 60s / mid 70s). We continued to have paychecks (approximately equal salaries) deposited to our individual checking accounts. We set up a joint checking account for household expenses (groceries, mortgage, utilities, repairs, etc.). We contribute equal amounts to it, taking turns every few months.
We have a joint credit card that we pay from the joint checking account. We use it for household expenses that don't get paid directly from the joint checking account, and for travel/restaurants/entertainment together.
Personal expenses (hobbies, clothes, solo travel, etc.) come out of our personal accounts. Neither of us is a big spender. I spend more on hobby stuff, including travel to hobby events, but it's not expensive stuff like boats or classic cars. We're on the same page as far as general lifestyle level is concerned.
Exactly. We both know where to find the other's account statements. About once a year I give her a summary of the balances in all my accounts, and look up the balances on her statements so we have an idea of the grand total.separate accounts does not necessarily equal obscuring one's financial picture from the other.
[added] This is the only marriage for both of us (35th anniversary coming up next week), and there are no kids in the picture. Also, neither of us had any debt when we married.
DH first made me an authorized user on a cc when logistics changed and it made sense for me to do the grocery shopping instead of him or us. We finally opened a joint account when he developed a chronic condition that affects executive function and was finding bill paying overwhelming.DIYtrixie wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 9:06 pmPut us down for the “combined finances but separate accounts” team. I’m CFO; my spouse is not particularly interested in financial matters but willing to sit through brief, high-level quarterly financial reports, especially now that I’ve started including graphs. We use a joint asset allocation across all our accounts that I monitor and adjust if it gets too far out of whack. We trust each other and respect each others’ opinion; we’re also both pretty frugal and deliberate with our spending. For these reasons, it is unfathomable that one of us would make a major purchase without discussing it (likely ad nauseam) with the other, regardless of where the money is coming from.Taylor Larimore wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2023 7:19 pm Bogleheads:
An important decision that all couples face is whether to keep separate or combined financial accounts.
Pat and I were married 62 years. We started out with combined finances. She was a spender and I was a saver which began to undermine our marriage. Fortunately, we decided early to change to separate accounts which solved our problem.
What do you think?
https://www.morningstar.com/news/market ... tudy-finds
Best wishes.
TaylorJack Bogle's Words of Wisdom: “Learn every day, but especially from the experiences of others. It's cheaper!”
So how did we wind up with separate accounts? We didn’t meet until our mid 30s, at which point we were both homeowners (each with our mortgage as our only debt). We each have family baggage that occasionally has financial implications, which we each want to handle on our own.
That’s how we *started* with separate accounts, at any rate. We’ve stuck with them because it works really, really well for us and neither sees any benefits to changing the status quo (other than housing: when we married we bought our current house, titled in both our names). We each pay certain regular household bills and we alternate mortgage and property tax payments. Beyond that, we don’t really keep track: as the planner in the family, I tend to spend more on stuff planned and paid for in advance, like plane tickets, whereas my spouse tends to pay for more of the stuff that’s paid for in person, like hotels and restaurant meals. We have our own credit cards, each of which is paid off in full each month.
When we first got married nearly 20 years ago, our expenses were a larger fraction of our salaries, so we watched somewhat closely how evenly things worked out. Now our salaries have gone up and our expenses down to a point where we don’t keep track at all anymore.
Huh?Maverick3320 wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 11:18 pmYou combine everything ! (except a company that she owns....)Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 2:13 pm We combine everything.
I will add that my wife owned a company when we met 20 years ago and she’s still the sole owner of all the shares. It’s the only asset we own that’s not owned jointly. If someday it’s sold I’d have nothing against her retaining the value in an account that’s in her name only, since I haven’t contributed all that much to its growth. If she tells me to pound sand tomorrow she can keep it.
The implication is that could be a big but. You exclude it because you didn't contribute much. So should you also exclude the assets gained from your salary growth cause she didn't contribute much? And so on down the line.Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Thu Jun 01, 2023 6:58 amHuh?Maverick3320 wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 11:18 pmYou combine everything ! (except a company that she owns....)Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 2:13 pm We combine everything.
I will add that my wife owned a company when we met 20 years ago and she’s still the sole owner of all the shares. It’s the only asset we own that’s not owned jointly. If someday it’s sold I’d have nothing against her retaining the value in an account that’s in her name only, since I haven’t contributed all that much to its growth. If she tells me to pound sand tomorrow she can keep it.
Anyone is free to have their own view on how to separate things with or from their spouse.randomguy wrote: ↑Thu Jun 01, 2023 7:12 amThe implication is that could be a big but. You exclude it because you didn't contribute much. So should you also exclude the assets gained from your salary growth cause she didn't contribute much? And so on down the line.Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Thu Jun 01, 2023 6:58 amHuh?Maverick3320 wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 11:18 pmYou combine everything ! (except a company that she owns....)Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 2:13 pm We combine everything.
I will add that my wife owned a company when we met 20 years ago and she’s still the sole owner of all the shares. It’s the only asset we own that’s not owned jointly. If someday it’s sold I’d have nothing against her retaining the value in an account that’s in her name only, since I haven’t contributed all that much to its growth. If she tells me to pound sand tomorrow she can keep it.
In the end we all pick out what seems "fair" and workable to us. A bunch of 25 year olds in the same field with the same net worth might have different ideas than a bunch of 50 years olds with networks 10x different and incomes that off 3x. Something might work better for 75% of the people but that doesn't help you if you are in the 25% where it doesn't work. You have to figure out who you and your spouse are.
And how much does she know about your career? By using the same logic shouldn't you be excluding all of that growth as a resulted during the marriage just like you excluded the growth of her business? And if you get your 5m tomorrow (you hope not), would you commingle it up or are you going to keep it separate? Again it is up to you to figure out what you both consider fair and what makes you happy. But saying everything is combined except for the things that might be 50%+ of your net worth seems like a notable exception.Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Thu Jun 01, 2023 7:32 amAnyone is free to have their own view on how to separate things with or from their spouse.randomguy wrote: ↑Thu Jun 01, 2023 7:12 amThe implication is that could be a big but. You exclude it because you didn't contribute much. So should you also exclude the assets gained from your salary growth cause she didn't contribute much? And so on down the line.Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Thu Jun 01, 2023 6:58 amHuh?Maverick3320 wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 11:18 pmYou combine everything ! (except a company that she owns....)Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Tue May 30, 2023 2:13 pm We combine everything.
I will add that my wife owned a company when we met 20 years ago and she’s still the sole owner of all the shares. It’s the only asset we own that’s not owned jointly. If someday it’s sold I’d have nothing against her retaining the value in an account that’s in her name only, since I haven’t contributed all that much to its growth. If she tells me to pound sand tomorrow she can keep it.
In the end we all pick out what seems "fair" and workable to us. A bunch of 25 year olds in the same field with the same net worth might have different ideas than a bunch of 50 years olds with networks 10x different and incomes that off 3x. Something might work better for 75% of the people but that doesn't help you if you are in the 25% where it doesn't work. You have to figure out who you and your spouse are.
Maybe it’s a big “but”? It could be in someone else’s marriage, but not mine. For me (Notice I said me and not that this should be someone else’s view) it makes a difference that she’ll inherit nothing some day and I’ll inherit millions- assuming we’ve gone our separate ways. So if there’s some weird thing going on that I’m completely unaware of and she tells me to have a nice life, I’m perfectly fine with splitting things down the middle and her keeping 100% of the company she came to me with and she ain’t gonna know nothin about the @ $5MM coming my way at some point.
I don’t know why at least two people here were unable to understand from what I wrote that we own everything of significant value jointly that we acquired after marriage (I.e. together). If she took my advice on how to run her biz it would probably be worth half of what it is. Lmao She owns a high end woman’s shop and I don’t know very much about $600 sweaters and $2000 necklaces, and I’ve never encouraged her to teach me.
I’m probably the only Boglehead who’s wife started a successful company at age 24, before we knew one another that’s still doing great decades later. I’d that complicated? Maybe it is to some here, but it’s not to me. That said I can see why it might be to someone- someone who perhaps has dollar signs in his eyes. I’ve been retired “early” a couple of years and she actually encouraged me to do so that the two of us will have more time to spend together- and she’s 100% fine with me spending any of the money her company profits provide us. I married an Angel- the closest thing I’ve ever come across the perfection. Damn I’m lucky!
As I mentioned in my previous comment- I disposed of my business already and I guess I’m retired even thought I have no pension and don’t draw from savings. I’m probably more of a trophy husband tbh.randomguy wrote: ↑Thu Jun 01, 2023 8:00 amAnd how much does she know about your career? By using the same logic shouldn't you be excluding all of that growth as a resulted during the marriage just like you excluded the growth of her business? And if you get your 5m tomorrow (you hope not), would you commingle it up or are you going to keep it separate? Again it is up to you to figure out what you both consider fair and what makes you happy. But saying everything is combined except for the things that might be 50%+ of your net worth seems like a notable exception.Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Thu Jun 01, 2023 7:32 amAnyone is free to have their own view on how to separate things with or from their spouse.randomguy wrote: ↑Thu Jun 01, 2023 7:12 amThe implication is that could be a big but. You exclude it because you didn't contribute much. So should you also exclude the assets gained from your salary growth cause she didn't contribute much? And so on down the line.Wanderingwheelz wrote: ↑Thu Jun 01, 2023 6:58 amHuh?Maverick3320 wrote: ↑Wed May 31, 2023 11:18 pm
You combine everything ! (except a company that she owns....)
In the end we all pick out what seems "fair" and workable to us. A bunch of 25 year olds in the same field with the same net worth might have different ideas than a bunch of 50 years olds with networks 10x different and incomes that off 3x. Something might work better for 75% of the people but that doesn't help you if you are in the 25% where it doesn't work. You have to figure out who you and your spouse are.
Maybe it’s a big “but”? It could be in someone else’s marriage, but not mine. For me (Notice I said me and not that this should be someone else’s view) it makes a difference that she’ll inherit nothing some day and I’ll inherit millions- assuming we’ve gone our separate ways. So if there’s some weird thing going on that I’m completely unaware of and she tells me to have a nice life, I’m perfectly fine with splitting things down the middle and her keeping 100% of the company she came to me with and she ain’t gonna know nothin about the @ $5MM coming my way at some point.
I don’t know why at least two people here were unable to understand from what I wrote that we own everything of significant value jointly that we acquired after marriage (I.e. together). If she took my advice on how to run her biz it would probably be worth half of what it is. Lmao She owns a high end woman’s shop and I don’t know very much about $600 sweaters and $2000 necklaces, and I’ve never encouraged her to teach me.
I’m probably the only Boglehead who’s wife started a successful company at age 24, before we knew one another that’s still doing great decades later. I’d that complicated? Maybe it is to some here, but it’s not to me. That said I can see why it might be to someone- someone who perhaps has dollar signs in his eyes. I’ve been retired “early” a couple of years and she actually encouraged me to do so that the two of us will have more time to spend together- and she’s 100% fine with me spending any of the money her company profits provide us. I married an Angel- the closest thing I’ve ever come across the perfection. Damn I’m lucky!
You will hear the repeated stat of money being one of the main reasons people break up. The question is always why money is the issue and if any of these schemes help. The stress is normally a combo of different values (spending versus savings), partner trying to control the other (I make the money, I get to pick how it is spent), or the variations of income leading to stresses (we split expenses but I can't afford the lifestyle they want). Depending on what the issue is any of these schemes can add or remove stress.