You can never go "home" - retirement

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PoppyA
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You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by PoppyA »

Like many people, I long for the city I grew up in. I have not lived there in over 30 years. I have friends that feel the same way and we do talk about buying homes in the area eventually.

The climate I'm talking about is severe (on one of the Great Lakes). Lots of winter months. I would likely keep the current home I'm in as well.

Have any of you returned home after your careers ended? Just wondering how it worked out for you.

Edited to add: the place I am talking about is remote and beautiful. The lake, the land, the night sky. I'd really like to live on the lake.
Last edited by PoppyA on Mon Apr 10, 2017 9:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.
reggiesimpson
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by reggiesimpson »

Had the opportunity of buying back the home I grew up in. Thought about it for 15 minutes and decided against it. You cant go home again. I would be living in a permanent memory and the goal of life (at least mine) is to move forward and experience the new.
The Wizard
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by The Wizard »

I go back for HS reunions every five years...
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radiowave
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by radiowave »

My wife and I were looking on Zillow in NC where we met and married, reminiscing about the neighborhood and lo and behold, our first house we built new in the 90's was just up for sale from the person we sold it to. Not sure if that is an omen to go back?!
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bloom2708
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by bloom2708 »

Common advice would be to rent a place for a month (or some period longer than a few days) in your previous home area. Experience the area. Visit old stomping grounds.

An extended visit might cure you of the itch or it might be a place where you do a seasonal (summer) visit.

I would like to keep a presence where we currently live but escape the long, cold winters in a warmer climate.
Last edited by bloom2708 on Mon Apr 10, 2017 7:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
adamthesmythe
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by adamthesmythe »

Nothing for me there. I moved farther away after I retired.
reisner
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by reisner »

Jersey City! Are you kidding me? Wait, wait, it's been discovered by the New York via Brooklyn via Hoboken crowd. Even so, no thanks. Hey, Martha, Martha Stewart! We were born in the same hospital, The Margaret Hague; it's going condo now. How about you, are you going back?

Didn't think so.
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Nestegg_User
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by Nestegg_User »

Many of the places I grew up in NO LONGER EXIST -- (and we moved quite a bit-- most all of the locations are just a brown patch of ground now; so any childhood memory would just be that-- a memory
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Crimsontide
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by Crimsontide »

Not a chance, I have found heat without humidity, there is no going back :P
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jabberwockOG
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by jabberwockOG »

I could never go back to the big city where I grew up at left at 20. The city I grew up in 40 years ago no longer exists in the form I knew it. And more importantly friends I loved to spend time with when I was 19 years old are either not the same anymore or too much the same.

We moved to a small town near the Gulf coast shortly after retirement. It is not perfect but in many ways it is. We got very busy with new like minded friends, volunteer work, working out, lots of physical activity. My vote is don't go back to a place in your past, life can be better with change, a fresh start and a brand new adventure in a new place.
Yooper
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by Yooper »

Did it. Sort of weird driving my kindergartner to school and going by my old kindergarten (grin). I'm happy, comfortable, and quite frankly have zero regrets. Winters took a while to get used to again but now I look forward to all 4 seasons. Since you're keeping your current home you'd have the best of both worlds and if it didn't work out you haven't lost anything. For me, if I don't scratch that itch I end up wondering "what if...." If you can do it, do it. Either way you'll be happy, a) move and find out it's everything you thought it would be, or b) find out it's not and move back to your current home, but go on with life knowing you've explored all the possibilities.
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by stoptothink »

Left Southern California at 23 and have zero intentions of ever moving back. We visit at least twice a year, but can't even imagine living there full-time. Wife and I have discussed it several times as we often get recruiting interest from employers in California (especially her, tech sales) and it would probably take 5x our current household income (so, 7-figures/yr) to even consider it.

What's odd is that almost all of my friends never left. I have 6 friends (yes, 6) who now teach at my 3,000+ student high school, 2 more that teach at my junior high, and another that teaches at the elementary I attended. My best friend lives directly across the street from my high school and several others live within walking distance. My family, almost all of them have left California and would never move back.
ribonucleic
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by ribonucleic »

PoppyA wrote:Like many people, I long for the city I grew up in.
Be careful to distinguish between a longing for the place where you were young and a longing for the time when you were young.

They are easily confused. And one is recoverable while the other is not.
MrNewEngland
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by MrNewEngland »

I've never had that urge. The area I am from is actually fairly nice, too. Not affluent but old and quaint and very pretty. With that said if I didn't have family up there I wouldn't go back. The winters are brutal and the economy is terrible. The taxes up there are horrendous and they get next to nothing for them.

If I don't stay in Charlotte when I retire (and that is a possibility) I can see myself moving to florida or somewhere closer to the water... definitely somewhere warmer.
Texanbybirth
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by Texanbybirth »

ribonucleic wrote:
PoppyA wrote:Like many people, I long for the city I grew up in.
Be careful to distinguish between a longing for the place where you were young and a longing for the time when you were young.

They are easily confused. And one is recoverable while the other is not.
Something I've been meekly struggling with for the past year or so. In my wiser moments, I realize the underlined is true.

A lot of my old stomping grounds have been paved over by highways, malls, and new apartment buildings; what used to be open fields of cattle & run down 100-year old barns. No going back there...
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HueyLD
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by HueyLD »

Going "home" is easier said than done.

You were a child then, but you are an adult now. You may not know anyone back "home" and your home town may not be suitable for your adult self.

If you really want to fulfill your dream, rent a place there for the coldest six months of the year and decide.

Best of luck to your quest.
mrc
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by mrc »

Couldn't wait to go elsewhere. Wouldn't want to go back. There isn't much going on there now. Actually, there wasn't much happening there then -- I just didn't realize that yet.
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SmileyFace
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by SmileyFace »

I grew up in a high-crime / low-income city. The crime has only gotten worse their - no plans to go back - ever.
curmudgeon
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by curmudgeon »

I think about it occasionally. My home town ticks a lot of retirement bullet items, and I see it mentioned on here sometimes as an ideal spot for retirement. It's expensive, but less so that our current location. But travel connections are poor (which helps preserve it from overbuilding), and we expect to do a lot of travelling in the next few years. If my kids or other family had settled in the area, it might make more sense, but I expect we'll eventually end up elsewhere closer to some of the grandkids rather than the old home town.
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by Barefootgirl »

I understand exactly how you feel. In a world where so much has changed, the area I grew up remains like a time capsule. It's comforting in a certain way. It is also rural and in the cold north and surrounded by mountains and lakes (and wineries!) lol.

I could only see myself living there in the summer months, so that keeps me pondering what kind of housing structure to consider...I had compared the price of fabricated homes to existing homes and there is virtually no difference since the local economy is depressed.
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fishmonger
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by fishmonger »

ribonucleic wrote:
PoppyA wrote:Like many people, I long for the city I grew up in.
Be careful to distinguish between a longing for the place where you were young and a longing for the time when you were young.

They are easily confused. And one is recoverable while the other is not.
That is a phenomenal quote.

My wife and I reminisce fondly about the first apartment we ever shared together, and joke about moving back there in retirement if it became available. Place was 600 sqft and it was just us and our puppy at the time (who's now 11). It was the first place of our own with a 2nd bedroom, you know for actual guests, rather than just crashing on a couch somewhere!
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sdsailing
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by sdsailing »

Excellent thread topic. Having "retired" recently, I am just starting to explore this issue right now. It would certainly involve retaining our residence(s) in California.

Also very interested in the tax implications of this. We would love to get out from under some of the California income tax. Even if one does not live in CA, but has rentals, I don't know if this is possible.

Will be spending some extended time in the area of interest to explore. Sometimes our memories of other places become distorted. Sometimes we wish for an "other" place, but the fantasy is more interesting than the reality.
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Kitty Telltales
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by Kitty Telltales »

I occasionally look at which familiar houses are up for sale. If I won the lottery and didn't have to worry about the high NJ property taxes, it might be a consideration. I almost bought my mother's house when she moved to Florida 30 years, but instead bought a house around the corner and stayed for about 6 years then moved away. My thoughts at the time were that the "family" would still consider the family home as their home too. I enjoyed that my son went to the same school I attended and my father as well. Halloween was a blast with all the old and new faces.

One problem aboutgoing back at this point is that my not-so-nice sister has also moved back to town and she would make for a bad neighbor.
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by anonenigma »

Read DOM CASMURRO by Machado de Assis. On topic. Narrator builds a replica of the home in which he grew up.
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HueyLD
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by HueyLD »

Kitty Telltales wrote:One problem aboutgoing back at this point is that my not-so-nice sister has also moved back to town and she would make for a bad neighbor.
LOL!!
rebellovw
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by rebellovw »

I've just left my hometown in 2012 - where I moved back to in 2001. It was wonderful being able to move into the great part of town - but now I'm finished - the prices are much too high - (1M med home price) - taxes too high over 10K per year - and everyone has been replaced. Prices increased but that home town feeling is completely gone and replaced with uptight lexus drivers, traffic etc.

No longer a cool middle class place.

I no longer miss it and dread going back there (parents still there.)
likegarden
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by likegarden »

I visited that city I grew up in 3 years ago, and it was great. Though we visited my parents there over the years and enjoyed it much. But now my home is the house we live in for the last 30 years, and son and grandson joined us, don't want to be anywhere else.
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celia
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by celia »

PoppyA wrote: I'd really like to live on the lake.
Sounds like you need to rent a houseboat! :D Why not try it for one vacation?

radiowave wrote:My wife and I were looking on Zillow in NC where we met and married, reminiscing about the neighborhood and lo and behold, our first house we built new in the 90's was just up for sale from the person we sold it to. Not sure if that is an omen to go back?!
I knew someone who bought their childhood home back after another family bought it from her parents. She loved it, but never moved far from home. I, on the other hand, have no chance to do this since my dad, in his 90s, still lives there. But, I stop by frequently to see him.
sdsailing wrote:Also very interested in the tax implications of this. We would love to get out from under some of the California income tax.
Even if you got a lower/no state income tax elsewhere, you have a good chance of paying that much more for property tax.
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by Broken Man 1999 »

Wife and I left our hometown in 1971, newly married 18 year-olds. Still married after nearly 46 years.

When we take a day trip, we roll by where my father had citrus groves (now thriving subdivisions), our old schools, and the cemeteries where our prior generations are buried.

On my last trip I visited my last living uncle, still kicking in his nineties. Over all, I left very sad, as so much has changed, so many have died. I'm the only one left in my family; brother and sister passed, parents before them. One day my granddaughter asked me why I was so sad, and I told her my sister had passed, and some days it made me very sad. She said, "Papa, it's OK, you have me!" And, she was right. Life goes on, people die, babies are born.

Still, I wouldn't be truthful if I didn't admit, despite all, there is still a tug on my heart to return to my birth town. But there is no way that wife and I would put any miles between us and our daughters and grandchildren.

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rec7
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by rec7 »

I did not leave my hometown. But the funny thing is I have only ran into 5 people from my past in 35 years. I have found out that even if you don't move the area still changes. It reminds me of a lady that I know who moved away from a big city. 30 years later she went back to the city and told people she would love to see her old house. They said what street is it on. She told them. They said there is no way they would drive in that area(super high crime). So she left never seeing her old house. When she was there it was an average area.
Last edited by rec7 on Sat Apr 15, 2017 1:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Doom&Gloom
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by Doom&Gloom »

fishmonger wrote:
ribonucleic wrote:
PoppyA wrote:Like many people, I long for the city I grew up in.
Be careful to distinguish between a longing for the place where you were young and a longing for the time when you were young.

They are easily confused. And one is recoverable while the other is not.
That is a phenomenal quote.

My wife and I reminisce fondly about the first apartment we ever shared together, and joke about moving back there in retirement if it became available. Place was 600 sqft and it was just us and our puppy at the time (who's now 11). It was the first place of our own with a 2nd bedroom, you know for actual guests, rather than just crashing on a couch somewhere!
It is a great quote!

For years I mused about returning to my hometown, but going back for HS reunions the past couple of decades has made me realize it isn't the same place. The people are not even the same--even though some are the same people. The weekends I spend there now for HS reunions every five years is plenty for me to "scratch that itch." And to realize how fortunate I was to have moved away.
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sdsailing
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Re: You can never do "home" - retirement

Post by sdsailing »

celia wrote:
PoppyA wrote: I'd really like to live on the lake.
sdsailing wrote:Also very interested in the tax implications of this. We would love to get out from under some of the California income tax.
Even if you got a lower/no state income tax elsewhere, you have a good chance of paying that much more for property tax.
That is my partner's argument, but I don't think it pencils out, even in retirement. That's in a state with middling, I suppose, property taxes (varies by county). Not talking, for example, New Jersey.

Because we have rentals, it will be hard to get our income to be "low" (relatively) in retirement, so that is a factor.

It is definitely not an easy calculation when there are many moving parts. Just calculating the tax implication of some rental sales was complicated, and we left it to the accountant.
ND Fan 1
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by ND Fan 1 »

Ok, I know this is a different situation, but understand the pull home. My wife and I moved out of our hometown after college when I joined the military, were gone for 7 years. I always had a pull back home, her not so much. But recently we moved back home. Reluctantly she has come around. Actually, had an opportunity for a raise to move like last week, but it was her decision to turn it down... guess she likes being home :D Now it is not a "sexy" place and can have harsh winters, but the place is great to raise kids, has a LCOL and we now have stability as opposed to constant upheaval with the military. With 3 small kids, the ability to raise our children around cousins and grandparents, to me, makes it all worth it.
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celia
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by celia »

Another consideration that just occurred to me is what if you are married and both want to move back "home", only the homes are on opposite sides of the country? One of my siblings is like that. They lived near her family for 5 years, then far from both, then near his, then hers, then his again. Since they have federal jobs it was easy to request a transfer but this is usually not an option.

In my case, we live near my childhood "home" and my siblings live in the general area. But DH often comments that we are always going over to see MY relatives and he doesn't get to see HIS siblings very often. But, they live scattered from each other.

So, if you are considering moving "back home", keep this in mind.
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Tamarind
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by Tamarind »

My parents are preparing to sell the farm with the home I grew up in and move to an urban area. They asked me if I wanted to have it and I told them no. Odds are they will sell to a developer and in a few years the woods and fields I still love will no longer exist.

But I wasn't willing to live out there when my life and livelihood are in the city. Their retirement will be much more comfortable with the extra money, and they will be much happier living in a more vibrant area with friendlier neighbors as they've been isolated for years.

For me there was no question what is right. I'll still miss the creek, though.
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by Twood »

I'm tempted to do so, if the rest of life doesn't throw other curveballs. But not for the people. Instead because it's got a unique combination of activities that I am not finding elsewhere, it's the only place to do all of the fun physical activities I grew up doing. And yes I like the weather and nature there, also a fairly unique combination that I'm particularly fond of. Unfortunately spouse has never really left their home area, and I doubt that'll be a good time to uproot them, so it's more of a wish than a plan. Hope these musings are useful to you.
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by Carefreeap »

We thought we would at least part time and in fact acquired a couple of properties toward that end.

I grew up in San Diego and my husband spent a lot of time in So. Cal. When we relocated from the SF Bay Area to AZ we bought a house in N. County thinking we would be spending a lot of time in the area dealing with my aging parents who lived in separate parts of the county. Then my mom died rather suddenly in the beginning of 2008 and despite the financial challenges associated with her condo I thought it was better suited as a second home. Since it was 2008 it didn't make sense to put the N. County house on the market. So we waited it out and last year we sold the N. County house for a profit.

In the meantime we moved from AZ, did a stint in Europe and are now back in our Bay Area house. We really love it here and our small town hasn't really changed much since we left in 2003. San Diego has changed so much and in the places I wanted to live the traffic is horrible. Now we are getting ready to put the condo on the market.

I do worry about what will happen with my 81 year old father. He's in a good spot now but as he ages he will likely need help. Neither one of our remaining parents have personalities that would be conducive to moving in with us. I would love to have a plan in place for that next step but neither parent is serious about taking the next step so we'll just have to deal with the situation when it happens.

ETA: My brother didn't move from San Diego until last year when he turned 54. In fact he bought the family home back in 1997 after my parents split after 37 years of marriage. He was in some form of foreclose over most of the 10 years he owned the house and finally lost it in 2009 despite having property taxes of $700 PER YEAR. :oops:

I guess another reason NOT to move back is avoiding all that continuing family drama. 8-)
Last edited by Carefreeap on Tue Apr 11, 2017 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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MrNewEngland
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by MrNewEngland »

DaftInvestor wrote:I grew up in a high-crime / low-income city. The crime has only gotten worse their - no plans to go back - ever.
I often wonder why more people don't leave Gotham.
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JoMoney
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by JoMoney »

I have nostalgia for it, but it's not the same as it was back in the day, especially with the change in friends and family who live there. I do go back and visit periodically, last time I went back I met up with some old friends that still live there. We had a good time, but I noted that the friends I met up with hadn't seen each other since the last time I visited several years prior... and they live in the same town. We all stay somewhat connected via Facebook, I wonder if that odd 'connection' on the Internet makes people connect less in the physical world.
It's nice to go back and meet people and see the old town as a 'visitor', it would be a different experience if I lived there.
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Elsebet
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by Elsebet »

I grew up in a tiny town (population ~2500) in Pennsylvania and spent my first 19 years struggling to leave that depressing place. When I got out and become a medium-city girl I was exuberant and hated every time I had to go back to my old hometown. I vowed never to return to those backwards people.

I'm 40 now, living in a crowded HCOL area across the country and my most recent trip back was last Sep. for a wedding. I've changed quite a bit since my 20-30's and my views have softened on my hometown. In fact I drove around and found some very beautiful (and cheap) pieces of land with beautiful views. I found that I missed the cold winters that make warm coats and hot chocolate a gift from the gods, and hot summers that make ice cream and swimming blissfully magical. I miss the distinct spring and fall smells and the huge fields of corn. I could imagine moving back to Pennsylvania, maybe not exactly my hometown but perhaps within an hour or two.
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runner3081
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by runner3081 »

Hmm, very thought provoking. We moved away 4.5 years ago from "home". There is absolutely zero chance we would move back to that region.

Possibly, down the road, we wold explore living part time in the state, but it would be the other side, which is completely different.
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by oldcomputerguy »

When I was about two years old, my parents split up, my mom moved us back to the town she came from, a small town near the state capital. I lived there, grew up there, graduated high school, got married, moved to the east end of the state at age 25 to take a new job (which I just retired from). I've lived in this area for over 35 years. Occasionally we do go back to our "home town" to visit family that we both still have there. I used to get a bit nostalgic for the old days, and would drive by the old stomping grounds. It's not a good idea. The house I lived in during my teen years is now somewhat of a dump, the elementary school I attended was bulldozed years ago, the middle school I attended is now a "justice center" (i.e. jail, don't get me started on the irony), and the guy who ran my favorite pizza place during the decade of my early twenties died of cancer about ten years ago.

A couple of years ago, I happened to take a walk through the technical school where I got my basic electronics education back in the mid-70's. I walked out feeling sad. The place I remembered was no longer there, it had changed over the years.

Don't look back. Look ahead. The place you remember from 30 years ago has changed. If you try to go back, all you'll do is mess up your fond memories.
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by anoop »

ribonucleic wrote:
PoppyA wrote:Like many people, I long for the city I grew up in.
Be careful to distinguish between a longing for the place where you were young and a longing for the time when you were young.

They are easily confused. And one is recoverable while the other is not.
Which one is recoverable? :D
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by SmileyFace »

anoop wrote:
ribonucleic wrote:
PoppyA wrote:Like many people, I long for the city I grew up in.
Be careful to distinguish between a longing for the place where you were young and a longing for the time when you were young.

They are easily confused. And one is recoverable while the other is not.
Which one is recoverable? :D
Actually in some cases neither is recoverable. Many places change over 60 years - many nice neighborhoods decline. Some entire cities have declined. Some simple easy-going-towns build up over time.
fposte
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Joined: Mon Sep 02, 2013 1:32 pm

Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by fposte »

I couldn't afford my home town and don't feel a pull back to it. I did feel a pull back to the Minnesota camp where I spent my summers, and I went back for a wonderful reunion that was also a really lovely valedictory. So while I could see renting a lake house there some retirement summer I don't feel the longing I used to.

That being said, PoppyA, town on a beautiful Great Lake--sounds like it might make a nice summer visit for you too. What about a summer rental to start and see whether you'd want to buy a summer place?
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stemikger
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by stemikger »

I never changed my zip code, so I don't know. So I never left home. When I want a change of scenery, I go on vacation. I learned a long time ago, the grass is not always greener on the other side. As long as I have financial freedom, I don't care where I live.
Choose Simplicity ~ Stay the Course!! ~ Press on Regardless!!!
mouses
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by mouses »

I did go home to one of two choices. The area is still beautiful, although some idiots have built in a natural area. However, almost all the people I knew are gone. In retrospect, I am not sure if I would do it again.

I looked at the other place. My childhood home was actually for sale. But the neighborhood had become gang-ridden, and as much as I liked the wonderful old house, I liked staying alive better.

Another vote for renting and trying things out for awhile.
runner3081
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by runner3081 »

stemikger wrote:I learned a long time ago, the grass is not always greener on the other side.
...but sometimes it is (at least in our case). However, I do see your point.

I know a number of acquaintances who have left home and all promptly returned within 5 years. For them, the pull was more about family rather than the physical location.

My wife and I won't move back, the grass was greener elsewhere for us.
mouses
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by mouses »

rec7 wrote:I did not leave my hometown. But the funny thing is I have only ran into 5 people from my past in 35 years. I have found out that even if you don't move the area still changes. It reminds me of a lady that I know who moved away from a big city. 30 years later she went back to the city and told people she would love to see her old house. They said what street is it on. She told them. They said there is no way they would drive in that area(super high crime). So she left never seeing her old house.
google street view, so at least she can see it.
heyyou
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Re: You can never go "home" - retirement

Post by heyyou »

Paraphrasing Philip Sheridan, if I owned my home town and Hades, I would rent out the town and live in Hades.
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