How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

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stoptothink
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by stoptothink »

firebirdparts wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 3:15 amWhen he was in college, I told my son, "Son, if you get a job, work 40 years, live frugally, and save your money, someday after 40 years of hard work you can have the lifestyle that you've already got right now."
That's great. I have to tell my uncle this one; he paid for college for all 3 of his kids (now aged 31-27, they all took 6+ years and one never finished) and multiple tech programs that one of them never even completed (same one who never finished undergrad), paid for the weddings of the two that are married, bought homes for the two that are married (the middle one, 29 who has never completed school or tech programs, still lives with them) and also provided the downpayment for rental properties for both of them, and they still pay most of their bills (my uncle "employs" my cousin and my other cousin's wife in his business, they get a paycheck for doing nothing - along with paying for cell phones, vacations, etc.) and my cousins constantly complain how hard their lives are and treat my uncle and aunt terribly. Uncle has talked to me countless times about cutting the umbilical chord, but aunt is not hearing any of it.

That example right in front of my face (my uncle lives 2 miles from us and is one of my best friends) has been a massive influence on how the wife and I look at this question.
Wanderingwheelz
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Wanderingwheelz »

We did all of those things during that period except fund a Roth, but now that she’s out in her own and paying all of her own bills we have made the decision to fully fund her Roth since she is completely independent of us otherwise. We will always help her finically, in some way, as long as we can afford to.

To my way of thinking it’s important to continue to give. It’s one of the cornerstones of the book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” by Deepak Chopra. “In order to keep the energy coming to us, we have to keep the energy circulating. Like a river, money must keep flowing, otherwise it begins to stagnate, to clog, to suffocate and strangle its very very own life force. Circulation keeps it alive and vital.”
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Beachey
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Beachey »

One item I have not seen discussed is keeping a young adult on your health plan until they are 26. My impression with many of the new grads I work with is most of them stay on their parents plan. Depending on ages of other kids, keeping the oldest on your plan may not cost any extra and may help with deductible. But even in cases where the parent may be able to go to an employee(+ spouse), the additional cost to stay on a parents plan is likely cheaper than the child paying for their own.

Personally quite a ways away but I would likely be willing to keep them on my plan if it made financial sense in aggregate.
chazas
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by chazas »

livesoft wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 7:53 am
chazas wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 6:45 am
livesoft wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:56 pm We planned on giving our kids the minimal financial support they would need to stay afloat. Indeed, we expect them to support us instead. Already, the oldest has taken over the cell phone family plan, so we do not have to worry about that. The youngest does Netflix for us. I expect more support from them as time goes on.
Why?
It will make them feel better. Some of the ways to feel good are to be kind, generous, and experience gratitude. Also, they don't have to worry about other gifts on birthdays and holidays, as in, "We got you Hulu, so what movies do you want to watch?"

OK, the real reason is that they thought our internet and phone plans sucked so much that they they couldn't use them at all when they came to visit, so they just took matters into their own hands.
Ha. My question really was, why do you expect them to support you? Seems - unusual. I mean I minimally support my mostly estranged father because I don't want him out on the street, and I would support my mother if she needed it, but I would probably chafe if either of them said they expected it.
livesoft
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by livesoft »

chazas wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:13 amHa. My question really was, why do you expect them to support you?
OK, I really don't expect that. It is more "a good offense is the best defense" sort of thing. Our kids don't expect anything from us anymore and we don't expect anything from them. However, giving to each other sure greases the wheels, doesn't it?
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MarkRoulo
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by MarkRoulo »

firebirdparts wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 3:15 am I guess you've noticed people just as long as I have. It's pretty alarming how dysfunctional people do get when parents supplement their lifestyles. To be honest I noticed it when I was your kid's age.

So I think it's important to give them the impression that you don't care how they live. They can just live according to their achievements. If you get in an I-don't-care contest, be sure you win. Mamas can't always pull it off.
My son grew up hearing the following from me A LOT after doing well at something (school, athletics, other ...)
  • "Great shooting kid! Don't get cocky!"
  • "Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."
He came to expect it and was disappointed if I didn't say this :-)

[We also have a few set scripts when things go poorly ...]
smalliebigs
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by smalliebigs »

We've prepared a projected $120k per kid by the time they're 18. I'm learning from how my parents brought me up, and going to be a more transparent about finances and what was planned for them. All I got from my parents at the time was "we're scrimping and saving everything we have for you!", which gave me a lot of pressure and I just didn't really dare do much in college. Then it turns out they had more than enough prepared. I really resent them for that. I understand their point was to stop me from splurging, but it went too far.
oldfatguy
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by oldfatguy »

Still nearly a decade away, but I would plan to allow my daughter to live with us during college, if she wanted to.

If I take SS at 62, she would also get about 18 months of payments until she graduates HS.

Any other support would be contingent on my ability to help at that time, but is likely to be minimal.
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TomatoTomahto
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

smalliebigs wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:41 am We've prepared a projected $120k per kid by the time they're 18. I'm learning from how my parents brought me up, and going to be a more transparent about finances and what was planned for them. All I got from my parents at the time was "we're scrimping and saving everything we have for you!", which gave me a lot of pressure and I just didn't really dare do much in college. Then it turns out they had more than enough prepared. I really resent them for that. I understand their point was to stop me from splurging, but it went too far.
Yeah. I sometimes wonder what many BH’s kids will think once they discover that their parents really could have been more giving, financially and emotionally. I roll my eyes at many of the “skin in the game” threads and have mostly stopped posting on them.

I obviously don’t know your parents, but their message might have been formed from hardships of their own early years.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
Jack FFR1846
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Jack FFR1846 »

Like many on this board, I'm past this point with son #1. Son #2 has a learning disability and even community college was more than he could handle. I continue to support him and he will be starting an 800 hour, state accredited welding program on Monday. He has a "college" account which I have (with his agreement) taken control of. It contains less than the cost for the welding course ($16,400) and I've provided the incentive that when he completes the program, I will give him the money that he can do with what he wants. Unlike all the kids of BH here, he's not well above average and would get zero merit aid or scholarships and college doesn't work for him. I am of the belief that I want my kids to have as much opportunity to succeed regardless of cost. Son #1 excels as a structural engineer, a year out of college and in hindsight, his choice of college and his path, changing colleges and changing majors was the best fit for him. I honestly could care less about the money.

So for us, the big costs after high school was about $300k for son #1 and so far, including the upcoming welding course, maybe $30k for son #2. Probably less. If there were an appropriate school that cost $500k, I'd have no issue paying for that.
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smalliebigs
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by smalliebigs »

TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:10 am Yeah. I sometimes wonder what many BH’s kids will think once they discover that their parents really could have been more giving, financially and emotionally. I roll my eyes at many of the “skin in the game” threads and have mostly stopped posting on them.

I obviously don’t know your parents, but their message might have been formed from hardships of their own early years.
You are right, they grew up not too well off. And I completely understand that, they are of their generation. So being from where I am, and from what I've experienced, the plan I have to to be a lot more open to my kids about what I have for them, not just 529, but also retirement funds, and after our death.
kaliwi
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by kaliwi »

I plan on helping with college, but I'm really going to push for military if they exit high school considering a private school and/or silly major. As it stands, 4 years tuition at a public school should be doable.. They can foot the room and board bill. Living from home is always an option.

Not paying car/car insurance, but will probably keep them on our cell phone plan until they graduate college.

I like the idea of matching part of their Roth contributions to encourage saving.
chipperd
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by chipperd »

Didn't read through all the posts. Here's what we did, since the OP asked.

Starting when each reached age 13, given an allowance of $100/month. Kids are expected to pay all expense they incur, with the exception of educational expenses and club fees. Uniforms, clothes, cleats, fun, their portion of car insurance, etc ... is all on them. Each were given $5/month raise on their birthday until they started college, then....
Monthly allowance cut to $40/month. We pay 90% of all college expenses, they pay 10% of all college expenses (tuition, room/board or off campus if they wish, books). Everything else listed above is still on them. They can use the interest free loan in their name to pay their 10% of college expenses, in whole or part, if they wish. Interest bearing loan while they are in college is verboten.
We are an open book with our finances and share where we stand regularly with all 3. They are aware we could pay the full amount for their educational and other experiences and wants. No complaints yet, in fact the oldest two asked me not to continue with the $40/month allowance while they are in college.
This system keeps it simple for me and taught them the value of a dollar, with the implication to get a job if you want more money to spend, though that was never needed to be said, as of yet.
No cars were purchased for our kids, though since they pay their portion of insurance, we do let them use our cars. They can take our 3rd car to campus as a senior in college, then the car gets passed down to the next senior until we get it back. (2012 camry with 140k miles).
Oldest just got a job offer while in the last part of his internship. After looking at the health plan offered, we plan to keep him on our insurance, as the coverage is outstanding and costs us no more than if he were off our plan. We are considering charging him for his portion monthly, still thinking about that issue.
Just the way we do it 'round here.
Last edited by chipperd on Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:34 am, edited 2 times in total.
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D-Dog
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by D-Dog »

NotWhoYouThink wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 8:43 am
I will pay for the cost of tuition and room&board for four years at an in state public university. If they want to go to a more expensive school, they can pay the difference themselves or take out loans. I'm not sure if I would pay for grad school. I lean towards no, but not sure.

What is this grad school of which you speak? MBA? (why would you pay for that before they have spent some time in the working world?) Law? (Huge expense with low likelihood of earnings power to match unless they go to a top school, in which case they can earn enough to repay their loans.) Med school? (Huge expense with high likelihood of high earnings, no reason for you to pay unless you are drowning in money.) STEM? (PhD track programs are funded by the university through federal grants. If your kids can't get into sponsored programs they are wasting their time on PhDs) Non-STEM grad or PhD track programs? (Oh heck no)
Agreed. That is why I lean towards not paying for grad school.
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FIREchief
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by FIREchief »

oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:59 am If I take SS at 62, she would also get about 18 months of payments until she graduates HS.
What types of payments are you describing here?
I am not a lawyer, accountant or financial advisor. Any advice or suggestions that I may provide shall be considered for entertainment purposes only.
delamer
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by delamer »

The only significant difference between us and the OP is that we plan on providing downpayment money for a first home.

My parents did that for me, and it got me into a house sooner than I could have on my own.

You can’t really spoil adult kids. If your kids are entitled as adults, then they were entitled long before that. You are just continuing the bad pattern.

Flexibility and compassion are important with kids of any age. So are setting expectations and responsibilities.

Don’t plead artificial poverty due to some notion of toughening them up or them having skin-in-the-game. But don’t impoverish yourself or make your life more difficult because of misplaced obligations to your kids (or anyone else).
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
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D-Dog
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by D-Dog »

Beachey wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:03 am One item I have not seen discussed is keeping a young adult on your health plan until they are 26. My impression with many of the new grads I work with is most of them stay on their parents plan. Depending on ages of other kids, keeping the oldest on your plan may not cost any extra and may help with deductible. But even in cases where the parent may be able to go to an employee(+ spouse), the additional cost to stay on a parents plan is likely cheaper than the child paying for their own.

Personally quite a ways away but I would likely be willing to keep them on my plan if it made financial sense in aggregate.
Good point on health insurance. I will definitely keep kids on my health insurance if they don't have their own.
HomeStretch
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by HomeStretch »

Spouse and I grew up in loving/close but frugal blue collar families that suffered financially during bouts of mid-life unemployment. We each worked and fully paid our own way from age 16 on (except for the roof over our heads and healthcare to age 22 provided by our parents).

We have been financially more fortunate. Money was tight in our 20s to pay off student loans, pay for wedding/1st cars, buy a house, etc. When our finances improved in our 30s, we decided to share with our kids so they could have more experiences in K-12, attend private HS and college debt free, and have cars. We continue to pay for healthcare, mobile phones and to share our large family home rent free while they save up. We have/will contribute fully to their Roth IRAs in their 20s to pass on some of our wealth now as the IRA balances will be a significant sum by the time they retire. We intend to contribute in the future towards weddings, first home purchases, extended family vacations and college for our grandkids-to-be, if these events happen and our kids allow us to help.

OP, your plan sounds fine, just do what’s right for your family. If/how much anyone helps their kids is a highly personal choice. Some may feel we spoil our kids but their opinion doesn’t matter to us. Our kids are loving, frugal and level headed. We are glad to be able to give them a strong start to a (hopefully) financial secure life. We don’t want them to feel the financial insecurities we felt growing up and first starting out in adulthood. We hope they pay it forward to their kids.
Last edited by HomeStretch on Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
delamer
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by delamer »

Jack FFR1846 wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:15 am Like many on this board, I'm past this point with son #1. Son #2 has a learning disability and even community college was more than he could handle. I continue to support him and he will be starting an 800 hour, state accredited welding program on Monday. He has a "college" account which I have (with his agreement) taken control of. It contains less than the cost for the welding course ($16,400) and I've provided the incentive that when he completes the program, I will give him the money that he can do with what he wants. Unlike all the kids of BH here, he's not well above average and would get zero merit aid or scholarships and college doesn't work for him. I am of the belief that I want my kids to have as much opportunity to succeed regardless of cost. Son #1 excels as a structural engineer, a year out of college and in hindsight, his choice of college and his path, changing colleges and changing majors was the best fit for him. I honestly could care less about the money.

So for us, the big costs after high school was about $300k for son #1 and so far, including the upcoming welding course, maybe $30k for son #2. Probably less. If there were an appropriate school that cost $500k, I'd have no issue paying for that.
I hope the welding program works out for your son.

We have one adult child who is well launched and a second who is struggling and still living with us.

Life is tougher for some than others, even in the same family with the same support.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
oldfatguy
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by oldfatguy »

FIREchief wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:33 am
oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:59 am If I take SS at 62, she would also get about 18 months of payments until she graduates HS.
What types of payments are you describing here?
It is my understanding that if you are receiving SS retirement benefits, your minor child can receive payments until they are 18, or until they graduate from HS before age 19.

https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
financiallycurious
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by financiallycurious »

My parents did this:

- Safe but not fancy new car at 16.
- All costs associated with undergrad (private, expensive).
- Insurance and cell phone during law school.
- Law school tuition (cheap because I had a scholarship) but I covered all other costs through money saved, on campus jobs, then summer positions.
- No financial support after law school (no retirement or house down payment).
- Nominal contribution toward wedding.

This worked for my family. I don’t agree that a kid needs to have “skin in the game” in college. My siblings and I all worked hard and went on to have professional careers despite not having skin in the game. I imagine I’ll offer similar support to my young children when the time comes.

On the other hand, I have a family member who pampers and supports his adult children and in turn they are very entitled (as working adults, they still expect him to pay for their hobbies, take them on all expense paid vacations, and have no problem for asking for money for little and big things), and they are not at all grateful. Not sure what exactly went wrong there, because it didn’t happen in my family of origin despite a healthy amount of support (my siblings and I often tell my parents how grateful we are for what they provided us, and would never imagine asking for a handout as an adult).
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D-Dog
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by D-Dog »

kaliwi wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:20 am
I like the idea of matching part of their Roth contributions to encourage saving.
We talked to our kids about roth IRAs at about age 16, and I was surprised at how quickly they caught on. We told them we would fund roth IRAs but of course they would need to have earned income for us to be able to fund them. Our kids have had jobs since age 16, and I think funding the roth has helped motivate them to work. They have vanguard accounts and have been able to watch the balances grow so they are getting a good understanding of how saving and investing works. They currently pay for gas, entertainment, eating out with friends, etc., so I don't think they would have chosen to fund their roth IRAs on their own. I think by us funding them, the kids still have their own money to spend and budget.

So I think the funding of roth IRAs has encouraged saving, working, and budgeting for our kids.

We, and our kids, are lucky that we have the means to do this for them.
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TomatoTomahto
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:45 am
FIREchief wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:33 am
oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:59 am If I take SS at 62, she would also get about 18 months of payments until she graduates HS.
What types of payments are you describing here?
It is my understanding that if you are receiving SS retirement benefits, your minor child can receive payments until they are 18, or until they graduate from HS before age 19.

https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
I did that. Iirc, they must also be unmarried. The spreadsheet isn’t handy, but I think I got 3 1/2 years of benefits for them. It is what swung me over the fence about SS filing (as otherwise I would have waited; thank you sscritic). We put the money into UTMA accounts and spent the money for various things (tuition, hockey lessons, etc). Every year I had to certify that the money was being spent for their benefit.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
oldfatguy
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by oldfatguy »

TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 11:03 am
oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:45 am
FIREchief wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:33 am
oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:59 am If I take SS at 62, she would also get about 18 months of payments until she graduates HS.
What types of payments are you describing here?
It is my understanding that if you are receiving SS retirement benefits, your minor child can receive payments until they are 18, or until they graduate from HS before age 19.

https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
I did that. Iirc, they must also be unmarried. The spreadsheet isn’t handy, but I think I got 3 1/2 years of benefits for them. It is what swung me over the fence about SS filing (as otherwise I would have waited; thank you sscritic). We put the money into UTMA accounts and spent the money for various things (tuition, hockey lessons, etc). Every year I had to certify that the money was being spent for their benefit.
If you recall, how much was the payment? A % of your payment at 62, a % of your full benefit, something else? I can't seem to find much information about the program on the SSA website.
stoptothink
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by stoptothink »

financiallycurious wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:54 amOn the other hand, I have a family member who pampers and supports his adult children and in turn they are very entitled (as working adults, they still expect him to pay for their hobbies, take them on all expense paid vacations, and have no problem for asking for money for little and big things), and they are not at all grateful. Not sure what exactly went wrong there, because it didn’t happen in my family of origin despite a healthy amount of support (my siblings and I often tell my parents how grateful we are for what they provided us, and would never imagine asking for a handout as an adult).
Like every other question on this board, it depends. I am one of 5 birth siblings (with 2 step-siblings), we were all expected to begin working as soon as possible to help with the family, combined we got $0 in help with college or really anything after the age of 18. Five of us have been successful (to varying degrees) and totally independent (well, the youngest is 17, so we'll see) yet somehow I still have adult 2 siblings that are incredibly entitled (not surprisingly, the two who have "failed to launch"). Now that my mother and step-father are at least on somewhat stable financial footing, they have freeloaded off them like crazy the last few years and treat them like garbage. When you are dealing with humans, there are no sure things - you never know how much nature or nurture will be the determining factor for an individual.

We're all an accumulation of our personal experiences; in my case, "skin in the game" seemed to help 5 out of 7 times in my own family (my siblings agree, as does my wife who grew up in a similar environment) and we are surrounded by family who had the total opposite experience (had money, provided everything growing up, and now have failed to launch - literally every single one of over a dozen - and huge sense of entitlement). As young parents, we're trying to find a healthy middle ground - ie. undergrad is covered (which my wife was totally against until recently), but "wants" that are not contributing to making them responsible independent humans (ie. paying for weddings, phones, cars, vacations...) are simply not going to happen. We have worked our tails off and lived simple lives so we don't put our kids in a similar position as our parents put us in (we already help financially support my not-retired in-laws); I don't feel compelled to continue to work and sacrifice so my kids can have "stuff' I never had or experienced without earning it themselves. My wife is WAY more hard-headed about this then myself. YOMV.
TheHiker
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TheHiker »

Here is what we covered, though there wasn't a specific plan.
- In-state public college
- Let the clild live at home rent-free during or after college (without conditions)
- Good hand-me-down car and insurance
- Family cell phone plan

The child is financially independent now so we don't plan to cover anything else (investments, weddings or what not).
If/when the child decides to buy a house, we may help with the downpayment.
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FIREchief
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by FIREchief »

oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:45 am
FIREchief wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:33 am
oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:59 am If I take SS at 62, she would also get about 18 months of payments until she graduates HS.
What types of payments are you describing here?
It is my understanding that if you are receiving SS retirement benefits, your minor child can receive payments until they are 18, or until they graduate from HS before age 19.

https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
Thanks. I was aware that if a parent dies the minor kids can get SS benefits, but not the situation you describe. Back in the day, children of a deceased parent could receive SS benefits if they attended college full time after age 18. I think that was a great system.
I am not a lawyer, accountant or financial advisor. Any advice or suggestions that I may provide shall be considered for entertainment purposes only.
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Matahari
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Matahari »

D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm My kids are currently in high school and I've been thinking about what level of financial support I will continue to give to them. I want them to learn to be financially responsible adults, but I also want to help them out financially to get them going in life. I'm wondering what others plan on doing (or have done) for their kids from a financial perspective.

My current plan includes:
  • I will pay for the cost of tuition and room&board for four years at an in state public university. If they want to go to a more expensive school, they can pay the difference themselves or take out loans. I'm not sure if I would pay for grad school. I lean towards no, but not sure.
  • I will continue to pay for an older but reliable used car, including insurance, through college. They can pay for gas, any traffic tickets, and the deductible if they get in an accident.
  • I will continue to keep them on my cell phone plan through college.
  • I will continue to fund Roth IRAs for them through college.
  • After college, I don't plan on paying for much, but would allow them to live at home rent free as long as they are working and have a plan to move out. I might bend this a bit if they are still searching for a job.
  • I will contribute to the cost of a wedding. I haven't decided how much, and I haven't told them I will do this.
  • I'm sure there will be unforeseen circumstances so I know I will have to be flexible.
Any thoughts? What would you do (or did you do) differently? I'm also interested in whether you communicated your plan up front with your kids. Thanks.
If you are able to do this without compromising your own financial goals for retirement, then whatever you want to do for your kids is your prerogative. Only you know whether your plan is appropriate for them or whether your financial support will somehow influence their development into financially-responsible adults.

It is important that you do treat them all equally.

Without knowing the number of children you have or their spread in age, I imagine that you will need to have a number of applicable conversations with each child at an age-appropriate time. We made it clear to our middle-school-aged child that we could and would pay for college to any school. Once there were some college-year earnings to discuss, we had the conversation about us funding Roth contributions. Once it became clear that graduate school was in the plan, we had another talk. All along the conversations were based on the same themes: that we could afford this, that we had been planning to provide this financial support but that it was not a blank check.

It's your decision how you choose to support your children with regard to each item you've listed; your provisos are reasonable. The more difficult decisions come if/when your children are not equally financial responsible. If one needs more and another less, do you draw a hard line so as to maintain equality?
Meme
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Meme »

For our 2 children we covered their undergraduate degree and helped with the graduate degree. About 30% of the grad school expenses.

Each had an old car at 17 to get them to school, tool around town & the part time job at the library.

They were on our cell phone plan while completing their undergraduate degree.

We opened a Roth for them as their college graduation gift & we help them fund it each year.

We had set aside money after college to help them in the future, I.e. wedding, car, home, school etc. When our son married we gave them the money to use as they needed & they were very happy with our contribution. And our daughter used the money to offset the cost of her MBA.

We continue to help out as we can, I.e. a contribution towards the mini spilts being installed for our son’s home and sofa for daughter’s new apartment.

We have 2 children and we’d rather help them now as we can and while it makes their life a little easier.
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TomatoTomahto
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 11:05 am
TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 11:03 am
oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:45 am
FIREchief wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:33 am
oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:59 am If I take SS at 62, she would also get about 18 months of payments until she graduates HS.
What types of payments are you describing here?
It is my understanding that if you are receiving SS retirement benefits, your minor child can receive payments until they are 18, or until they graduate from HS before age 19.
https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
I did that. Iirc, they must also be unmarried. The spreadsheet isn’t handy, but I think I got 3 1/2 years of benefits for them. It is what swung me over the fence about SS filing (as otherwise I would have waited; thank you sscritic). We put the money into UTMA accounts and spent the money for various things (tuition, hockey lessons, etc). Every year I had to certify that the money was being spent for their benefit.
If you recall, how much was the payment? A % of your payment at 62, a % of your full benefit, something else? I can't seem to find much information about the program on the SSA website.
And, from the master himself, sscritic for two children:
When you start at 62, you get 75% of your PIA. Your kids will get 50% each. That a total of 1.75 of your PIA. In terms of your reduced benefit (the 75%), your children get 2/3 of that (50% is 2/3 of 75%), so your family will bet 2.33 time your actual paid benefit. [I actually don't think this is a good way of looking at it.]

You really need to make a spreadsheet showing the benefit month by month to see if what you are giving up in future benefits for yourself (and possibly your wife) is worth getting the money when you are 62. [My guess is that it is better to start at 62 for the extra money, but you really have to look at the numbers.]

Note, as I understand it, the family maximum uses your PIA, not the actual benefit paid, so you may get a reduction because of the family maximum even if the family is not getting more than the maximum.
Last edited by TomatoTomahto on Fri Jul 30, 2021 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
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D-Dog
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by D-Dog »

Matahari wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 11:44 am
It is important that you do treat them all equally.
I agree but have struggled with how to make it happen. For example, what if two kids go to the state school but one works harder and gets a lot of merit based scholarships? How do you make that equal? Could pay the difference in cash I suppose, but not sure how I feel about that. Also, some kids just have more natural ability. Treating them equally might be different than treating them equitably.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by oldfatguy »

TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 12:01 pm
And, from the master himself, sscritic for two children:
When you start at 62, you get 75% of your PIA. Your kids will get 50% each. That a total of 1.75 of your PIA. In terms of your reduced benefit (the 75%), your children get 2/3 of that (50% is 2/3 of 75%), so your family will bet 2.33 time your actual paid benefit. [I actually don't think this is a good way of looking at it.]

You really need to make a spreadsheet showing the benefit month by month to see if what you are giving up in future benefits for yourself (and possibly your wife) is worth getting the money when you are 62. [My guess is that it is better to start at 62 for the extra money, but you really have to look at the numbers.]

Note, as I understand it, the family maximum uses your PIA, not the actual benefit paid, so you may get a reduction because of the family maximum even if the family is not getting more than the maximum.
Thanks!
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MrBobcat
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by MrBobcat »

D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm My kids are currently in high school and I've been thinking about what level of financial support I will continue to give to them. I want them to learn to be financially responsible adults, but I also want to help them out financially to get them going in life. I'm wondering what others plan on doing (or have done) for their kids from a financial perspective.

My current plan includes:
  • I will pay for the cost of tuition and room&board for four years at an in state public university. If they want to go to a more expensive school, they can pay the difference themselves or take out loans. I'm not sure if I would pay for grad school. I lean towards no, but not sure.
We did this with the caveat they had to pull their weight via summer jobs. Grad school was/is on own their own dime.
  • I will continue to pay for an older but reliable used car, including insurance, through college. They can pay for gas, any traffic tickets, and the deductible if they get in an accident.
We did this throughout HS and College
  • I will continue to keep them on my cell phone plan through college.
Yep
  • I will continue to fund Roth IRAs for them through college.
Nope, we barely had enough to fund our own Roths at the time.
  • After college, I don't plan on paying for much, but would allow them to live at home rent free as long as they are working and have a plan to move out. I might bend this a bit if they are still searching for a job.
They were allowed to live at home after college while searching for employment. After that they wanted to be on own and we didn't want them there, so it worked out.
  • I will contribute to the cost of a wedding. I haven't decided how much, and I haven't told them I will do this.
Just went through this for daughter, we agreed to pay for venue, catering and open bar, rest on them. Was about $7k so if and when sons get married the bar has been set. I'll write them a check for $7k and tell them to spend it how they see fit.
  • I'm sure there will be unforeseen circumstances so I know I will have to be flexible.
There will be, but more in the form of borrowing from the "Bank of Dad". Nothing major so far and they are far enough along that they've got their emergency funds established.

Any thoughts? What would you do (or did you do) differently? I'm also interested in whether you communicated your plan up front with your kids. Thanks.
As far as communicating with them they knew up front what we were willing to do and not do re helping them with their education, cars, phones, rest just got addressed as the situation came up.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Ivygirl »

I don't have children, so I'll just say what I wish had happened in my own case.

My parents funded my college expenses (after Pell grants/scholarships) but there wasn't an advance plan or budget shared with me and everything financial was kept under stringent secrecy. Any questions I asked were "not my business." At the last second money would show up from them. I learned that planning was futile, and the thing to do was passively wait for their assistance. After graduation I struggled with direction and ambition.

Money was given or withheld as a means of control for every minor thing. What a miserable, nervous feeling that was, to be dependent and have every word and deed scrutinized. Please give your kid a budget so they can get on with learning to become an adult and manage their own resources, even if it's a small budget.

Also, I'd do whatever it took to make sure a kid of mine (especially a girl) was driving a reliable, late-model, economical car. It's foolish to raise a child 18 years and then put him or her at risk of being stranded by a piece of junk car, or killed by it.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by SchruteB&B »

Jack FFR1846 wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:15 am Unlike all the kids of BH here, he's not well above average
It does seem that way reading BH doesn’t it? But of course it’s satisfying to post about how high achieving your adult children are and disheartening to post about your adult children that are not. I wish you and your child that struggles the very best.
JayDee37
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by JayDee37 »

I have a rising senior and 8th grader; my plans are pretty similar to yours. And my plans are based on what my folks did for me, within my own financial constraints.
D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm
  • I will pay for the cost of tuition and room&board for four years at an in state public university. If they want to go to a more expensive school, they can pay the difference themselves or take out loans.
This is my plan too. I am anticipating issues with my ex, who makes way more money than I do and has the ability to cash-flow a much more expensive education should the kids want one. I have been counting every penny to save up to cover half of the cost of in-state public for each of them, and I just can't cover anything else without jeopardizing my own retirement. So those will not be fun conversations, but oh well.
D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm I'm not sure if I would pay for grad school. I lean towards no, but not sure.
No, I will not be paying for any continuing education beyond undergrad. By this point, kids need to make their own decisions about this sort of thing. Welcome to adulthood! I entered a field where graduate study was covered by research & teaching fellowships, so I did not need to take out loans, or pay for anything (I received a stipend that covered living expenses). My fiance took out loans to attend law school. He is still paying them off, over 20 years later. And they are not small monthly payments.
D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm
  • I will continue to pay for an older but reliable used car, including insurance, through college. They can pay for gas, any traffic tickets, and the deductible if they get in an accident.
I lean "no" on a car during college. I did not have a car on campus, and most people I know did not have cars either. One person had to pay absurd monthly parking fees and hike 2 miles uphill (both ways! In the snow!) to get to the parking garage whenever they wanted to use the car. Not worth it. The one scenario where I may spring for a car is if the kids are attending college within, say, a two hour drive of home. In that case I have a feeling I will see them much more often if they have a car. :)
D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm
  • I will continue to keep them on my cell phone plan through college.
Yes, I plan to do this as well.
D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm
  • I will continue to fund Roth IRAs for them through college.
I plan to match any Roth contributions they make during high school and college (within contribution limits of course), but I don't think I'll be able to fully fund Roths for the kids while trying to max out my 457b and my own Roth contributions.
D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm After college, I don't plan on paying for much, but would allow them to live at home rent free as long as they are working and have a plan to move out. I might bend this a bit if they are still searching for a job.[/list]
I will let the kids move back home while they are looking for their first job. Once they find it, they can work on finding their own place. If it is financially impossible for them to afford their own place even with a job, then they can pay me some sort of rent for their room and board. I lived at home for about 2 months before I found a job and apartment. My brother, on the other hand, lived at home for 20 YEARS after college. He was, shall we say, slow to launch. Eventually my folks started charging him rent.
D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm
  • I will contribute to the cost of a wedding. I haven't decided how much, and I haven't told them I will do this.
Yes, probably will do as well. Also have not discussed this with the kids, and probably won't unless/until they ask me. My parents covered quite a bit of my first wedding.

So far our kids know that we will be covering the cost of college (I specify in-state public, their dad tells them anywhere they want to go). I have told my eldest that I will match Roth contributions. We haven't discussed the other issues directly, although I have probably implied/mentioned that I am not planning to cover anything beyond undergrad.
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delamer
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by delamer »

D-Dog wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 12:06 pm
Matahari wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 11:44 am
It is important that you do treat them all equally.
I agree but have struggled with how to make it happen. For example, what if two kids go to the state school but one works harder and gets a lot of merit based scholarships? How do you make that equal? Could pay the difference in cash I suppose, but not sure how I feel about that. Also, some kids just have more natural ability. Treating them equally might be different than treating them equitably.
I felt that paying for 4 years of undergrad was part of my parental obligation, and so different costs for different kids didn’t need to be equalized. Just as if one kid needed braces and the other didn’t, I would have felt the need to provide the kid with good teeth an equalizing payment. Each kid just gets what they need.

One theme in The Millionaire Next Door books is that you can create a lot of resentment if you “punish success.” If one kid is more financially successful due to their education and career choices (or even just their choice of spouse), don’t provide subsidies to the less successful sibling(s) because of some misguided attempt to compensate them. Your family will be damaged at best, and severed at worst.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
Financologist
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Financologist »

D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm My kids are currently in high school and I've been thinking about what level of financial support I will continue to give to them. I want them to learn to be financially responsible adults, but I also want to help them out financially to get them going in life. I'm wondering what others plan on doing (or have done) for their kids from a financial perspective.

My current plan includes:
  • I will pay for the cost of tuition and room&board for four years at an in state public university. If they want to go to a more expensive school, they can pay the difference themselves or take out loans. I'm not sure if I would pay for grad school. I lean towards no, but not sure.
  • I will continue to pay for an older but reliable used car, including insurance, through college. They can pay for gas, any traffic tickets, and the deductible if they get in an accident.
  • I will continue to keep them on my cell phone plan through college.
  • I will continue to fund Roth IRAs for them through college.
  • After college, I don't plan on paying for much, but would allow them to live at home rent free as long as they are working and have a plan to move out. I might bend this a bit if they are still searching for a job.
  • I will contribute to the cost of a wedding. I haven't decided how much, and I haven't told them I will do this.
  • I'm sure there will be unforeseen circumstances so I know I will have to be flexible.
Any thoughts? What would you do (or did you do) differently? I'm also interested in whether you communicated your plan up front with your kids. Thanks.
Any support I give to my children will be unconditional and based on the same principles and values we've raised them with from the beginning.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Nebraska_Drought »

In my own instance and my wife's too, we did not get much of any support from anyone starting out. Meals when we went home, a place to do laundry if we brought it, some food to take back with us, and regular things like Christmas gifts all while we were in college and when we first got married (in college too btw). None of our families came from any sort of money, so we did not expect it either. We worked our way through college, living simple lives and only borrowed for tuition/books. Even with that, we ended up with $25-$30K in loans when we got done in the late 1990's.

For our kids, we pay for cars, car insurance, car repairs, cell phones. My oldest is in college and has started to "take care of himself" and has his college 100% covered by his scholarship. He has a summer internship that allows him to put away money for his spending needs. Any money we had set aside for him, he will get on graduation and is free to use as he sees fit: house, car, investments, or a mix of all of these. For my daughter, she is going to be a Jr. in HS and we still give her a monthly allowance of $50 as it is easier for her to have "her money" when going out with friends etc and when it is gone, it is gone. She has a summer job and this is mainly for her to use as she sees fit: clothes, dates, etc. We have the same deal for her with her college funds. If she needs them for school, they are there. If she also has a scholarship, any remaining funds will be hers when she is done with school.

My wife and I discussed weddings down the line. We agreed to set aside some funds to cover that, not set on an amount yet, but was thinking in the neighborhood of $25K per kid. They will be given this money with the idea that if they don't use it on a wedding reception, they can still have the full amount to help start their lives together.

Have not discussed after college. Will broach that when we get there, but I guess I will say, to a certain point, they will both always have a "home" to come back to if needed.
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8foot7
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by 8foot7 »

I commit to paying 4 years of in-state tuition, room, and board, and I will assist with vehicles, insurance, and minimal cell phone (a la Mint etc).
With 4 kids, including twins who will enter college presumably at the same time, that's about all I can reasonably muster. If they want more, they can borrow, although we'll warn seriously against doing so. If they want to spend more, etc., then it's on them to get a job, just like I did. Obviously we reserve the right to help out on a discretionary basis for unique circumstances. But this is the basic framework.

I have not considered post-education living arrangements. I liked the idea upthread of three months free, with a three month free extension if actively job searching, then six months at market rate, then six months at market rate +25% and so on. A kid with a four-year degree in a marketable field and no debt shouldn't need more than a year to get on his or her feet out of college.

I hope to help out with first home purchases but 4 colleges comes first. Am slightly concerned about this as my eldest is 12 and may purchase a home around the same time as my second eldest, now 5, enters college. I would then need to figure out how to treat everyone equally. I suppose I will cross that bridge when we come to it.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by goodenyou »

We have a saying in our house, "We (your parents) will match your effort". We have given the kids (3) fully-paid, debt-free, merit-based college and graduate school. They each got new cars or slightly used late models with all the safety features. We have paid all the costs associated with the cars. Our kids still worked in college although they got some monthly spending money from us. One son would wake up at 4:30 AM and lifeguard/manage at the pool for the D1 swimmers and divers (some Olympians) before classes. He saved a ton of money working and as an Intern at one of the Big 4 firms while in college. The other also worked part time.

Our kids were/are very privileged. We have no regrets. They still are hard-working and desire independence and to stand-on-their-own. We are very fortunate to have the means to make their lives easier. We both grew up in much different circumstances and had very little financial support from our parents. We plan to gift to them as young adults with "a warm hand and not a cold one."
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Matahari »

D-Dog wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 12:06 pm
Matahari wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 11:44 am
It is important that you do treat them all equally.
I agree but have struggled with how to make it happen. For example, what if two kids go to the state school but one works harder and gets a lot of merit based scholarships? How do you make that equal? Could pay the difference in cash I suppose, but not sure how I feel about that. Also, some kids just have more natural ability. Treating them equally might be different than treating them equitably.
"Equitably" is an amorphous concept that you may need to explain to young adults who don't see your actual thought processes unless you share them.

What you suggest can happen; I know a couple of parents with that situation -- one kid gets the Forty Acres merit scholarship to UT-Austin, the other kid applied but did not, this one is next attending Stanford for MBA -- who's paying for Stanford MBA? I don't know.

In the other situation, one kid gets the Robertson scholarship to Duke, the others not.

I imagine all kids worked hard, but different outcomes. Before you make a decision on how to handle these types of situations, you will have lived through the whole experience of each child and how s/he came to that outcome. I don't know if these parents gave the value of the 4 years of tuition and fees to the scholarship kid or if the freed-up financial resources went to benefit the other kids.

But in both situations, the parents were ready and committed to funding college in full for all kids, which was important, IMO, so that the younger siblings of the scholarship kids don't feel the added stress of living up to the older sibling.
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8foot7
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by 8foot7 »

Equitably means someone is getting screwed. How they feel about that is what dictates the overall outcome.
I do very much agree with the sentiment that kids should be treated equally unless there is some severe disadvantage (such as a significant disability) from which one of them suffers. If I spend $125,000 on my oldest kid's education, I think my youngest kid has a right to expect I'll spend $125,000 on their education as well. If I give my second child $100,000 for a house downpayment, I think kid 3 would feel kind of screwed if I ran out of money and couldn't afford to do the same for them.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by psteinx »

sailaway wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:55 pm Many colleges are set up to deter on campus students from having cars (ie, expensive parking on the opposite side of campus from the dorms). If they are in a college town, they probably aren't necessary, unless you want them to have one to drive themselves home.
And some colleges are a bit the opposite.

Oldest daughter goes to school in the city. First 2 years was in on-campus housing on/attached to campus (no need for car). But 3rd (COVID) year and this (4th) year, relatively far from campus, across neighborhoods that aren't particularly safe (crime), and school provided transport (shuttle busses) were, I'm guessing (though not certain) sporadic, not as available at night, and/or presented COVID risks. So, car provided to/for the kid. Car is also useful for grocery runs, to go to a nearby park safely, and to visit home.

Second kid (son), goes to school in small college town. First year, no car and easy walk to campus. 2nd (COVID) and 3rd years, further from campus. Car also adds grocery/shopping and visit home advantages, plus this kid was into archery and used car to reach various semi-remote spots for archery. Frankly, there's not a lot to do in the small town except partying-related stuff (not my kid's style, mostly), and sitting indoors playing video games. Letting him have some freedom to explore the outdoor areas around there went a ways, I would think, towards making COVID bearable.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by sailaway »

My parents handled scholarships with a sigh of relief: they were able to meet their obligations during the overlapping year thanks to those scholarships.

My IL's handled scholarships by doling out the savings upon graduation, as a life launching fund.

Speaking of life launching funds. It frequently comes up that parents are saving $X for each child's wedding. I hope that most of you have some kind of other life event that you would be willing to release it for. While we are always grateful for what we receive, by the time we got married (or even met each other, for that matter), we were each independently independent and even a rather large lump sum would have just been tossed in with a thank you and forget it. In contrast, even $10k would have made a material difference when we were at other stages of our lives, prior to when we met.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by delamer »

8foot7 wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:23 pm Equitably means someone is getting screwed. How they feel about that is what dictates the overall outcome.
I do very much agree with the sentiment that kids should be treated equally unless there is some severe disadvantage (such as a significant disability) from which one of them suffers. If I spend $125,000 on my oldest kid's education, I think my youngest kid has a right to expect I'll spend $125,000 on their education as well. If I give my second child $100,000 for a house downpayment, I think kid 3 would feel kind of screwed if I ran out of money and couldn't afford to do the same for them.
Let’s say you paid for full freight for Duke for child #1 and child #2 decided to attend your state flagship at half the cost.

And then let’s assume that both children enrolled in the same graduate program, which cost the same as the total difference between Duke & State U. Would you feel that you needed to pay for child #2’s graduate school, but not child #1’s?
Last edited by delamer on Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by getthatmarshmallow »

I haven't given much thought to it beyond saving for college, because that's the only thing for which I'd need to plan well in advance.

IME, I haven't seen clear evidence that family assistance creates dependency. Most of my friends had parents who paid for college, cars, house downpayments. Most have successful careers and aren't mooches. When someone is a mooch, they often have a sibling is who is the complete opposite. Also, many people I know have no family money or safety net, and most of the time, it would be kinda nice if they did have that. My new theory is that some people are inclined to mooch and others aren't, and it really doesn't track what they're given.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by delamer »

getthatmarshmallow wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:50 pm I haven't given much thought to it beyond saving for college, because that's the only thing for which I'd need to plan well in advance.

IME, I haven't seen clear evidence that family assistance creates dependency. Most of my friends had parents who paid for college, cars, house downpayments. Most have successful careers and aren't mooches. When someone is a mooch, they often have a sibling is who is the complete opposite. Also, many people I know have no family money or safety net, and most of the time, it would be kinda nice if they did have that. My new theory is that some people are inclined to mooch and others aren't, and it really doesn't track what they're given.
Agreed. By the time someone is an adult, they are either entitled or they aren’t.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
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8foot7
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by 8foot7 »

delamer wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:46 pm
8foot7 wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:23 pm Equitably means someone is getting screwed. How they feel about that is what dictates the overall outcome.
I do very much agree with the sentiment that kids should be treated equally unless there is some severe disadvantage (such as a significant disability) from which one of them suffers. If I spend $125,000 on my oldest kid's education, I think my youngest kid has a right to expect I'll spend $125,000 on their education as well. If I give my second child $100,000 for a house downpayment, I think kid 3 would feel kind of screwed if I ran out of money and couldn't afford to do the same for them.
Let’s say you paid for full freight for Duke for child #1 and child #2 decided to attend your state flagship at half the cost.

And then let’s assume that both children enrolled in the same graduate program, which cost the same as the total difference between Duke & State U. Would you feel that you needed to pay for child #2’s graduate school, but not child #1’s?
Yes.
jerrysmith
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by jerrysmith »

That's a well thought out plan.
We'll do something similar but stay flexible.
My plan is to hand them off into adulthood (25) with no debt and some sort of skill whether that's a degree or training.
They can stay with me if they want but they have to be working, saving and have some sort of plan.
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