How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

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Will do good
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Will do good »

We paid for our all of our kids education, include out of state university, summer abroad studies.
Their auto insurances, cell phones and phone bills. Pretty much anything they need to finish college without any concerns.
They took some summer jobs for pocket change.
Today my oldest 2 kids at 31 and 29 yo are married, both of their networth are over 7 figures. My youngest 3 years out of college have over $200k. I don't think our "spoiling" our kids had a bad outcome. All of them have told us many times how glad they was able to graduate without debts and was able to get a good jump in their adult life comparing to many of their friends.
YMMV
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by RadAudit »

I ended up providing more than I thought I'd have to.
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Will do good
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Will do good »

goodenyou wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:15 pm We have a saying in our house, "We (your parents) will match your effort". We have given the kids (3) fully-paid, debt-free, merit-based college and graduate school. They each got new cars or slightly used late models with all the safety features. We have paid all the costs associated with the cars. Our kids still worked in college although they got some monthly spending money from us. One son would wake up at 4:30 AM and lifeguard/manage at the pool for the D1 swimmers and divers (some Olympians) before classes. He saved a ton of money working and as an Intern at one of the Big 4 firms while in college. The other also worked part time.

Our kids were/are very privileged. We have no regrets. They still are hard-working and desire independence and to stand-on-their-own. We are very fortunate to have the means to make their lives easier. We both grew up in much different circumstances and had very little financial support from our parents. We plan to gift to them as young adults with "a warm hand and not a cold one."
+1, we did pretty much the same for our kids, minus the new car, used cars.
DW and I grew up from a lower income family and am glad we can provide a warm hand for our kids.
stoptothink
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by stoptothink »

getthatmarshmallow wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:50 pm
IME, I haven't seen clear evidence that family assistance creates dependency. Most of my friends had parents who paid for college, cars, house downpayments. Most have successful careers and aren't mooches. When someone is a mooch, they often have a sibling is who is the complete opposite. Also, many people I know have no family money or safety net, and most of the time, it would be kinda nice if they did have that. My new theory is that some people are inclined to mooch and others aren't, and it really doesn't track what they're given.
As I've gotten older I've leaned progressively towards people are going to be who they are going to be. IMO, we as parents have less influence on the development of these characteristics than we want to believe. I was raised in the same household as 6 others, we couldn't be more different when it comes to some things; 4 of them are spendthrifts who don't have two pennies to pinch together regardless of how much they make (they say, because we grew up with nothing), 2 of us are frugal to a fault, and I think the youngest will probably fall in the middle.

Pretty sure nobody I grew up with (other than 3 families of wealthy cousins, who grew up in another state) got any help with paying for college, cars, house downpayments. Most were in the situation I was in, working by 15 to help the family, and it's a totally mixed bag; some became very hard workers and some have never risen out of it. There is a fine line between providing opportunities and "spoiling" (I know some that grew up very poor, but still spoiled), my cousins definitely fall into the latter category. It sure would seem to me that it had a detrimental effect on their development as adults, but there was also no expectation in their homes that they worked or became successful at anything really so that probably had a greater impact, or they may have all come out of the womb with no interest in adulting.
secondcor521
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by secondcor521 »

I've been mulling this question over for at least a decade. I have three adult offspring: DS26, DS21, and DD19.

I think any plan can work as long as it is:

1. Reasonably equivalent between offspring. In my case, for example, each kid gets one college education.

2. Common sense. In my case, for example, the leftover college funds will be distributed to each kid in inverse proportion to how much I spent on their college education. So that evens it out in a common sense sort of way I think.

3. Communicated. Up front in as-needed level of maturity and specificity. For example, "I've got enough to pay for college, but the net price should be somewhat of a consideration." I'm trying to get more specific over time: "You can expect about $XX,000 left over when you graduate".

4. Flexible/responsive. My kids have a propensity to end up in situations which were not anticipated in my "college deal" document. As long as I maintain principle #1 above, I modify and adapt the plan.

5. Principled. I pay for a college education in a marketable field so my offspring can become self-sufficient doing something they like and/or are good at. As another example, if I do something that is beneficial to us as a family but impacts the amount of income taxes they owe, then I would reimburse them for that. As another example, if they have a job they can pay for their own gas to get to work with the money they earned from work.

6. Neither "spoiling" nor "neglectful". Each family decides for their own situation how much is too much and how much is not enough. In my case, letting my kids live at home for free while on school breaks or between school and first job is just about right for us.

Specifically for my offspring I'm paying for all essentials related to a undergrad degree in a marketable field. Cars, weddings, cell phones, grad school, and Roths are on them. Although I do offer a kind of Roth matching every year at Christmas.

Lately I've been dealing with the warm hand issue. I've been making very general comments to them about this situation. For now, I think I need to wait to ensure that they're going to launch and be self sufficient first. Perhaps will do warm hand gifting in maybe 5 years or so.
GettingCloser
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by GettingCloser »

I haven't read the entire thread, but to answer the OP's question, below is what we are doing / have done wrt the OP's categories. Each of the "policies" were explained to the kids in detail far in advance, so they could plan appropriately.
D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm I will pay for the cost of tuition and room&board for four years at an in state public university. If they want to go to a more expensive school, they can pay the difference themselves or take out loans. I'm not sure if I would pay for grad school. I lean towards no, but not sure.
Over time, we saved enough in each kid's 529 to cover four years at our local state university. Anything beyond that was on them. That money was contingent on them convincing Mom & Dad that the major they've chosen will lead to a job with reasonable ROI. Under no circumstances would we co-sign for any student loans.
OUTCOME: Each earned scholarships and/or worked so they could go to their chosen university (all ended up going out of state). All but one have graduated with zero student loan debt; the last one is on track to do the same.
I will continue to pay for an older but reliable used car, including insurance, through college. They can pay for gas, any traffic tickets, and the deductible if they get in an accident.
We kept one ugly but reliable used car around for kids to learn on / share if they had nothing else. If they wanted to buy a car, we would do a one-time 1:1 match on anything that they saved towards the cost (no loans). We covered the baseline cost of car insurance through college (with limits compatible with our umbrella policy) -- but if they had any accidents / tickets that raised the cost of that insurance, they would have to pay the difference (and any deductibles/fines). If they couldn't pay the difference, they wouldn't be driving.
OUTCOME: Each has bought a reasonable used car. No tickets, no accidents (knocks on wood). Only the youngest is still on our policy.
I will continue to keep them on my cell phone plan through college.
Ditto.
I will continue to fund Roth IRAs for them through college.
We told them that we would match 1:1 anything that they put into their Roth IRAs.
OUTCOME: The youngest is finally taking us up on it; the others already have for several years.
After college, I don't plan on paying for much, but would allow them to live at home rent free as long as they are working and have a plan to move out. I might bend this a bit if they are still searching for a job.
Ours get the summer after graduation "for free". After that, rent starts at $100/mo and doubles every six months.
OUTCOME: We'll see on the youngest, but others have successfully "launched". We've collected $1k in rent.
I will contribute to the cost of a wedding. I haven't decided how much, and I haven't told them I will do this.
Haven't decided how much, and haven't told them yet, but we plan to contribute a fixed amount towards a wedding. That way, they control the budget, along with the tradeoffs between big & simple or small & fancy.
chipperd
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by chipperd »

D-Dog wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:30 am
NotWhoYouThink wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 8:43 am
I will pay for the cost of tuition and room&board for four years at an in state public university. If they want to go to a more expensive school, they can pay the difference themselves or take out loans. I'm not sure if I would pay for grad school. I lean towards no, but not sure.

What is this grad school of which you speak? MBA? (why would you pay for that before they have spent some time in the working world?) Law? (Huge expense with low likelihood of earnings power to match unless they go to a top school, in which case they can earn enough to repay their loans.) Med school? (Huge expense with high likelihood of high earnings, no reason for you to pay unless you are drowning in money.) STEM? (PhD track programs are funded by the university through federal grants. If your kids can't get into sponsored programs they are wasting their time on PhDs) Non-STEM grad or PhD track programs? (Oh heck no)
Agreed. That is why I lean towards not paying for grad school.
Getting my MSW (mostly paid for by my parent) and then license allowed me to open a private practice, set my own hours, raise my kids without daycare and retire at 52. Not all soft science grad degrees are as you see ‘em
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bluebolt
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by bluebolt »

delamer wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 12:41 pm One theme in The Millionaire Next Door books is that you can create a lot of resentment if you “punish success.” If one kid is more financially successful due to their education and career choices (or even just their choice of spouse), don’t provide subsidies to the less successful sibling(s) because of some misguided attempt to compensate them. Your family will be understanding at best, and damaged or severed at worst.
Fixed that for you.

My parents have helped my siblings way more than me. Their money, their choice. I do not need or want their money. And the support they provided my siblings has materially helped them, while 10x the amount they gave them would not impact my lifestyle.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by FOGU »

My kids are 6 and 5. The wife and I sat them down under a bare lightbulb and told them that for this coming school year we would pay for a parochial education (Kindergarten and 1st grade), and that we'll take it year by year as we go, depending on their performance. "We are making a big investment in you kids," said the wife. "Don't screw it up," said I. Not sure if we got through. But they started picking up their crayons off the floor as soon as we stopped talking, so there's that.

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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors »

FOGU wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 8:42 pm My kids are 6 and 5. The wife and I sat them down under a bare lightbulb and told them that for this coming school year we would pay for a parochial education (Kindergarten and 1st grade), and that we'll take it year by year as we go, depending on their performance. "We are making a big investment in you kids," said the wife. "Don't screw it up," said I. Not sure if we got through. But they started picking up their crayons off the floor as soon as we stopped talking, so there's that.

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Start 'em early. :)
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors »

TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:10 am
smalliebigs wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:41 am We've prepared a projected $120k per kid by the time they're 18. I'm learning from how my parents brought me up, and going to be a more transparent about finances and what was planned for them. All I got from my parents at the time was "we're scrimping and saving everything we have for you!", which gave me a lot of pressure and I just didn't really dare do much in college. Then it turns out they had more than enough prepared. I really resent them for that. I understand their point was to stop me from splurging, but it went too far.
Yeah. I sometimes wonder what many BH’s kids will think once they discover that their parents really could have been more giving, financially and emotionally. I roll my eyes at many of the “skin in the game” threads and have mostly stopped posting on them.

I obviously don’t know your parents, but their message might have been formed from hardships of their own early years.
Where does one draw the line on giving financially? I suppose I could buy my kid a Corvette at age 18 if I had the means, but is that a rational thing to do at that age? I guess my point is, most parents try to lead by example of good decision making but as you point out people are molded by past experiences including hardships. There's frugality and then there are the extremes of it. I had relatives which put themselves on the fringes of the extremes when having used a warmer hand earlier in their offspring's life could have made a significant and measurable difference in the outcome. What good is having a big pot of money if leads to the destruction of a family unit?

Your eyes are not the only one rolling in the "skin in the game" threads. :wink:
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delamer
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by delamer »

bluebolt wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 8:31 pm
delamer wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 12:41 pm One theme in The Millionaire Next Door books is that you can create a lot of resentment if you “punish success.” If one kid is more financially successful due to their education and career choices (or even just their choice of spouse), don’t provide subsidies to the less successful sibling(s) because of some misguided attempt to compensate them. Your family will be understanding at best, and damaged or severed at worst.
Fixed that for you.

My parents have helped my siblings way more than me. Their money, their choice. I do not need or want their money. And the support they provided my siblings has materially helped them, while 10x the amount they gave them would not impact my lifestyle.
You don’t get to “fix” anything I say.

You can disagree if you want, but you can’t put words in my mouth.
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Normchad
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Normchad »

Grt2bOutdoors wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:14 pm
TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:10 am
smalliebigs wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:41 am We've prepared a projected $120k per kid by the time they're 18. I'm learning from how my parents brought me up, and going to be a more transparent about finances and what was planned for them. All I got from my parents at the time was "we're scrimping and saving everything we have for you!", which gave me a lot of pressure and I just didn't really dare do much in college. Then it turns out they had more than enough prepared. I really resent them for that. I understand their point was to stop me from splurging, but it went too far.
Yeah. I sometimes wonder what many BH’s kids will think once they discover that their parents really could have been more giving, financially and emotionally. I roll my eyes at many of the “skin in the game” threads and have mostly stopped posting on them.

I obviously don’t know your parents, but their message might have been formed from hardships of their own early years.
Where does one draw the line on giving financially? I suppose I could buy my kid a Corvette at age 18 if I had the means, but is that a rational thing to do at that age? I guess my point is, most parents try to lead by example of good decision making but as you point out people are molded by past experiences including hardships. There's frugality and then there are the extremes of it. I had relatives which put themselves on the fringes of the extremes when having used a warmer hand earlier in their offspring's life could have made a significant and measurable difference in the outcome. What good is having a big pot of money if leads to the destruction of a family unit?

Your eyes are not the only one rolling in the "skin in the game" threads. :wink:
I'll do everything I can possibly do to help members of my family be successful. Sometimes that is financial, but not always.

And sometimes "parental welfare" can be detrimental to kids. We each have to figure out for ourselves what is best for our family.

For me, my kid will eventually get EVERYTHING I don't consume in my lifetime. So I don't care if they get it now, or when I'm dead. If it's helpful now, they can have it now.

My parents did not do this for me. I think though this is because they weren't able financially. They helped me as best as they could. And if they had the resources I have, I'm sure they would have helped me even more.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by bluebolt »

delamer wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:42 pm
bluebolt wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 8:31 pm
delamer wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 12:41 pm One theme in The Millionaire Next Door books is that you can create a lot of resentment if you “punish success.” If one kid is more financially successful due to their education and career choices (or even just their choice of spouse), don’t provide subsidies to the less successful sibling(s) because of some misguided attempt to compensate them. Your family will be understanding at best, and damaged or severed at worst.
Fixed that for you.

My parents have helped my siblings way more than me. Their money, their choice. I do not need or want their money. And the support they provided my siblings has materially helped them, while 10x the amount they gave them would not impact my lifestyle.
You don’t get to “fix” anything I say.

You can disagree if you want, but you can’t put words in my mouth.
I assume you're not familiar with the common use of that phrase.
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halfnine
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by halfnine »

From a semantic (pedantic?) standpoint other than helping offset some college related expenses we don't plan on necessarily "giving" our kids anything financially. We aren't so interested in making their lives easier as preventing it from being unbearably hard and are more inclined to use our money as "insurance" for them. The money (and our home) is there to help if there is a disability, large medical/dental bills, economic collapse that impacts their job/portfolio, etc. Our preference is that our kids embrace career risk, market risk or similar type calculated risks that often have huge upsides knowing that the extreme downsides are reasonbly protected for them.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by chipperd »

8foot7 wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:23 pm Equitably means someone is getting screwed. How they feel about that is what dictates the overall outcome.
I do very much agree with the sentiment that kids should be treated equally unless there is some severe disadvantage (such as a significant disability) from which one of them suffers. If I spend $125,000 on my oldest kid's education, I think my youngest kid has a right to expect I'll spend $125,000 on their education as well. If I give my second child $100,000 for a house downpayment, I think kid 3 would feel kind of screwed if I ran out of money and couldn't afford to do the same for them.
Equal means everyone gets the same.
Fair means everyone gets what they need.
We practice fair. The example we gave our kids when they were young:
Every school has a wheelchair ramp, only kids who need a wheelchair have a wheelchair. Not everyone gets a wheelchair because the ramp exists.
We have three kids all in undergrad, we pay 90% of each of their respective educational expenses. So the percentage is the same but the raw amount isn’t. All three of these expenses differ, one quite a bit cheaper from the other two. Each has made the other aware of the costs. Not a peep from anyone about one getting more $ than the other.
Of course as young adults they view issues of resource discrepancy differently than when they were 6-8 .
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by flyingaway »

As much as they need. When we die, they will have all.
mrsmitt
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by mrsmitt »

Reading this thread made me realize how unfair this society is. Some get a framework to succeed as a birth right.

As an immigrant who came to the US literally with nothing I can only imagine what it feels like to have it all handed to you.
Last edited by mrsmitt on Sat Jul 31, 2021 8:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by mrsmitt »

Not if there is a 90% estate tax at that time and closed loopholes.

[quoteq=flyingaway post_id=6148722 time=1627728430 user_id=50598]
As much as they need. When we die, they will have all.
[/quote]
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TomatoTomahto
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

mrsmitt wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 6:36 am Reading this thread made me realize how unfair is this society. Some get a framework to succeed as a birth right.

As an immigrant who came to the US literally with nothing I can only imagine what it feels like to have it all handed to you.
I’m also an immigrant; arrrived at 7 with parents who didn’t speak English and had nothing. I’m 70 and still remember my parents debating about the few dollars the school wanted for a class outing and deciding that they just couldn’t afford it. My father loved this country because he said it was one of the few places in the world where you would get a second chance. I don’t think we are allowed to discuss if anything has changed since.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by vested1 »

I did more for my kids than my parents did for me, who told me a week after I graduated high school that I had a month to move out. I was the last of 5 and they were done with it. I got no financial support from them, either while I lived with them or after I moved out. I worked from a very early age to buy many things for myself what many others take for granted, like my clothes and shoes. My siblings did the same, and only one received anything from my parents as a contribution toward college, and that was very little. They asked him not to tell the rest of us about that, and he didn't, only sharing that recently in retirement.

I bought all 3 of my kids cars when they reached the age that they could drive, and insured their vehicles until they graduated high school. I had remarried after a bitter divorce and paid child support even though the kids were with us half of the time. We bought all of their clothes and everything extra with no contribution from my ex or my new wife's ex.

I told my kids that I would pay for their entire education if they agreed to get their 2 year degree at a community college in town first then transfer to a state university, and then graduate school if they wanted it. Two of the three went to college but didn't do as I asked. One went to an out of town community college hundreds of miles away and my ex paid for her apartment. I paid half of her tuition and books. She went there for a year and got 5 credits, treating college like an excuse to party. The other went to an exclusive private college even further away directly out of high school, which I didn't support, but which my ex agreed to pay for in order to make me look bad and to contradict my rules. She moved to the location where the school was and insisted that my daughter live with her in order to get tuition.

The first struggled in various jobs until she took online courses and is now a CPA with her own business. My current wife and I supported her and contributed as much as possible during those years without directly supporting her online education. She moved back in with us for awhile as well. The second graduated with honors and got a teaching job. We supported her as well with unexpected gifts that were unasked for, as we did with all three. I gave my ex money without the knowledge of my daughter when she was in the private college in order to help support her because I didn't want my daughter to think I was rewarding her violation of my rules. She never knew that I did so, and my ex told her that money came from her. The third struggled as well until she also opened her own business that is now thriving.

We paid for a vast majority of our daughter's weddings, but we didn't have much to spare earlier due to child support and alimony. Now that we are in a better financial position we support them still whenever they need it.

You never stop being a parent. It's hard to stick to a rule that is meant to teach values to your children. Sometimes, actually most times, they will resent you for doing so, but at least for us, it was a commitment to teach them the meaning of a gift and to convey what we hoped would be strong principles to pass on to their children. Believe it or not, they thank us now that they have their own kids and can appreciate the establishment of rules. We chose what I consider to be the harder path, and luckily our children saw the value in that, even if it took awhile. Our relationships now are great.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by 8foot7 »

chipperd wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 4:19 am
8foot7 wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:23 pm Equitably means someone is getting screwed. How they feel about that is what dictates the overall outcome.
I do very much agree with the sentiment that kids should be treated equally unless there is some severe disadvantage (such as a significant disability) from which one of them suffers. If I spend $125,000 on my oldest kid's education, I think my youngest kid has a right to expect I'll spend $125,000 on their education as well. If I give my second child $100,000 for a house downpayment, I think kid 3 would feel kind of screwed if I ran out of money and couldn't afford to do the same for them.
Equal means everyone gets the same.
Fair means everyone gets what they need.
We practice fair. The example we gave our kids when they were young:
Every school has a wheelchair ramp, only kids who need a wheelchair have a wheelchair. Not everyone gets a wheelchair because the ramp exists.
We have three kids all in undergrad, we pay 90% of each of their respective educational expenses. So the percentage is the same but the raw amount isn’t. All three of these expenses differ, one quite a bit cheaper from the other two. Each has made the other aware of the costs. Not a peep from anyone about one getting more $ than the other.
Of course as young adults they view issues of resource discrepancy differently than when they were 6-8 .
Your example involved a disability, which I mentioned already would change the calculus.
In my family, in this house, we believe absent significant mitigating factors, the most fair division of anything is equal.
I don’t know your kids or what they need. I know if I were your kid, all else being equal chipping in 10% of my quite a bit cheaper education, at some point I’m going to feel screwed. Maybe I haven’t yet. Maybe I’d never say a word and secretly resent. Perhaps yours won’t. Variety is the spice of life. :sharebeer
Aaand...it'sgone
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Aaand...it'sgone »

I'm on the other end of this at the moment. My parents approach has been to give support on fairly pragmatic things that have helped move me forward in career and life. Examples:

- Paid for both undergrad and grad school. I went to an expensive private school, but did manage to secure scholarships that covered about half the tuition.
- When I started working, they helped contribute to my IRA when I couldn't fully fund it myself.
- Helped pay for our wedding.
- Helped us with the down payment on our house.
- Set up loans a couple times when we had a big, unexpected cost, such as needing a new roof.

I am immensely grateful for their support, and I hope to be able to do similar for my child in the future.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by reln »

D-Dog wrote: Thu Jul 29, 2021 6:34 pm My kids are currently in high school and I've been thinking about what level of financial support I will continue to give to them. I want them to learn to be financially responsible adults, but I also want to help them out financially to get them going in life. I'm wondering what others plan on doing (or have done) for their kids from a financial perspective.

My current plan includes:
  • I will pay for the cost of tuition and room&board for four years at an in state public university. If they want to go to a more expensive school, they can pay the difference themselves or take out loans. I'm not sure if I would pay for grad school. I lean towards no, but not sure.
  • I will continue to pay for an older but reliable used car, including insurance, through college. They can pay for gas, any traffic tickets, and the deductible if they get in an accident.
  • I will continue to keep them on my cell phone plan through college.
  • I will continue to fund Roth IRAs for them through college.
  • After college, I don't plan on paying for much, but would allow them to live at home rent free as long as they are working and have a plan to move out. I might bend this a bit if they are still searching for a job.
  • I will contribute to the cost of a wedding. I haven't decided how much, and I haven't told them I will do this.
  • I'm sure there will be unforeseen circumstances so I know I will have to be flexible.
Any thoughts? What would you do (or did you do) differently? I'm also interested in whether you communicated your plan up front with your kids. Thanks.
I didn't have children. But I paid for my niece's college tuition.
TRC
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TRC »

Growing up as a kid, my father always said "you want something? Go figure out how to get it".

They provided the basics for me as a kid and paid for most of my college, but that was it. Everything else was on me. It taught me at a very young age to work and to hustle. When I was 12, I was door knocking and found some neighbors that I could do yard work for. I still remember making $20 a week for neighbors when my allowance at home was $2.50 a week. I felt like I struck gold! When I turned 15, I got a job washing dishes working 12 hours shifts (not sure that would be legal today).

It taught me at a young age to work hard, to save and to figure out (on my own) how to buy things. I remember saving up for my first mountain bike, which cost me $1,000. Then my first beater of a truck that cost me $2,300 (in 1996). Then I purchased my first cell phone after graduating college in 2000 and took on the monthly payment. Then I graduated college and bought my first "real car" and immediately took on a car payment (dumb!). I stayed at home for a year after graduating college and they charged me $500 a month in rent. Plus my Dad gave me a bunch of chores which made me want to move out. But the best thing they did for me was let me struggle, figure things out on my own and to work hard. When I achieved these milestones, it was very gratifying and I took tremendous pride in it. Did I make mistakes? Heck yes. A lot of them. But it helped me become independent at a very young age.

I'm a firm believe that the more parents do to help their adult children, that it actually has the opposite intended effect. This is also outlined in Millionaire next door under "economic outpatient care".
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Nowizard »

Sounds like this is more of a parenting and psychological decision than one depending on your finances. If that is the case, and if the goal is raising competent adults, much of that has already been done by the time they reach college age. Your list of planned support is larger than many can or would offer, so make decisions based on your best estimate of how it will be a positive send-off to an ending phase and the beginning of a new one.

Tim
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TomatoTomahto
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

vested1 wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 7:17 am I gave my ex money without the knowledge of my daughter when she was in the private college in order to help support her because I didn't want my daughter to think I was rewarding her violation of my rules.
I don’t have a fully formed opinion on this yet, but it sure got me thinking. Different situation to yours, but it has similarities. Contrary to our divorce agreement, my ex didn’t pay her share of our daughter’s tuition; I paid it. I’m not sure if I should have employed subterfuge to make it appear that the contribution came from my ex to give my daughter the illusion(?) that her mother was a person of her word and wasn’t transactional in her relationship with her child. It’s too late now of course, but at the time I didn’t make a fuss about it but I also didn’t disguise the fact that I was paying 100% after the first semester. Thank you for an interesting post that’s got me thinking.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
singledigit12b
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by singledigit12b »

I gave my daughter seed money for a business. She is a very bright and dedicated individual with 2 post graduate degrees. Her income was to largely come from the government (Medicaid). Soon after she started her business it was discovered the others in her field were making fraudulent claims and the government stopped certifying venders for payment. Then I helped with living expenses for her and the grandkids. I was so glad I was in the position to help.
Happy ending she was recruited for a position in a large organization in her field and is thriving and making great money.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by stoptothink »

mrsmitt wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 6:36 am Reading this thread made me realize how unfair is this society. Some get a framework to succeed as a birth right.

As an immigrant who came to the US literally with nothing I can only imagine what it feels like to have it all handed to you.
Having all your bills paid for and getting cars/vacations/weddings/house downpayments provided by your parents isn't success. That's the amazing thing about this country, even those like you and I who had nothing given to them can become truly successful. My mom couldn't provide any of these financial things, but she risked her life to bring us to this country and then created a home environment where education was important and hard work was an expectation; I'd categorize that as providing a framework for success and it has (for the most part) worked.

It is always interesting to see these threads, where so many posters say they feel compelled to pay for undergrad (and even grad school), weddings, cars, houses, etc. because their parents did it for them. That wasn't a thing where I grew up. Just looking at the data for school, less than half of college students get financial help from parents and <15% have 529s (and that is only talking about the ~60% of high school students who go onto college), yet that is just assumed here. We all have different life experiences, and our opinions are influenced by them (whether we like it or not).

As we've become more successful we've definitely loosened up (until 4yrs ago, my wife wasn't even willing to talk about the possibility of paying for college for our kids), but I don't see us ever considering covering the cost of many of the other things mentioned for our kids as adults.
Last edited by stoptothink on Sat Jul 31, 2021 8:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
MarkBarb
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by MarkBarb »

Ours are in college now. We haven't changed much since high school. We give them a small allowance ($25/week), a car with insurance, and pay their basic bills - clothes, food, housing, gas, and utilities. When they had high school jobs, we matched their pay into a Roth. Their college internships allowed them to fully fund their Roth on their own.

We feel that this approach works well for our kids, but all kids are different. Our kids are generally frugal with their purchases and save most of what they make. For them, we felt like the lessons a child gets from working to earn things like gas money weren't as valuable as the ability to live without worrying about money as much. For other kids, I can see it being completely different. It's good to gather examples of what different parents do and then figure out what will be the best approach for your kids and your situation.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by smitcat »

TRC wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 7:34 am Growing up as a kid, my father always said "you want something? Go figure out how to get it".

They provided the basics for me as a kid and paid for most of my college, but that was it. Everything else was on me. It taught me at a very young age to work and to hustle. When I was 12, I was door knocking and found some neighbors that I could do yard work for. I still remember making $20 a week for neighbors when my allowance at home was $2.50 a week. I felt like I struck gold! When I turned 15, I got a job washing dishes working 12 hours shifts (not sure that would be legal today).

It taught me at a young age to work hard, to save and to figure out (on my own) how to buy things. I remember saving up for my first mountain bike, which cost me $1,000. Then my first beater of a truck that cost me $2,300 (in 1996). Then I purchased my first cell phone after graduating college in 2000 and took on the monthly payment. Then I graduated college and bought my first "real car" and immediately took on a car payment (dumb!). I stayed at home for a year after graduating college and they charged me $500 a month in rent. Plus my Dad gave me a bunch of chores which made me want to move out. But the best thing they did for me was let me struggle, figure things out on my own and to work hard. When I achieved these milestones, it was very gratifying and I took tremendous pride in it. Did I make mistakes? Heck yes. A lot of them. But it helped me become independent at a very young age.

I'm a firm believe that the more parents do to help their adult children, that it actually has the opposite intended effect. This is also outlined in Millionaire next door under "economic outpatient care".
"Growing up as a kid, my father always said "you want something? Go figure out how to get it"."
That does not appear to have any teaching elements to utilize.

"I'm a firm believe that the more parents do to help their adult children, that it actually has the opposite intended effect."
Not anything like what we have seen or experienced.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by mrsmitt »

It doesn't change the fact that privileged kids get a big head start and it gets bigger for each following generation. Most of them do not realize the advantage they have and take it for granted.

I am not here to complain. I am reading this thread as I will have similar decisions to make for my kids when they are old enough. Currently, my goals are to raise them so they can succeed and reach their goals by themselves. No way I will pay for their wedding or help with the downpayment on their house. I want them to do this on their own.
TomatoTomahto wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 6:50 am
mrsmitt wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 6:36 am Reading this thread made me realize how unfair is this society. Some get a framework to succeed as a birth right.

As an immigrant who came to the US literally with nothing I can only imagine what it feels like to have it all handed to you.
I’m also an immigrant; arrrived at 7 with parents who didn’t speak English and had nothing. I’m 70 and still remember my parents debating about the few dollars the school wanted for a class outing and deciding that they just couldn’t afford it. My father loved this country because he said it was one of the few places in the world where you would get a second chance. I don’t think we are allowed to discuss if anything has changed since.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Golfaddict »

We will try to pay for a 4 year degree at a state school for our 3. We have a good start. We also have savings accounts set up for them and send allowance money to each week. This should build and they can use it to socialize when they get out of High School - we’ll pay for everything prior to that. We will encourage them to work summers to cover their own expenses.

I have a Toyota Camry that I plan to give to our oldest when he gets his license in 4 years and then my next vehicle will be ready to hand off when the 2 youngest start to drive. They will have to share while in high school.

I have a taxable account that can help cover other life events like weddings, first home purchases etc… If we have any bail-out situations we will provide low or zero interest loans but I don’t want to give hand outs to cover up financial mistakes.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

mrsmitt wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:18 am It doesn't change the fact that privileged kids get a big head start and it gets bigger for each following generation. Most of them do not realize the advantage they have and take it for granted.
And yet, I think that the majority of BH posters will say that the privileged kids are held back by the generosity of their parents because of less “skin in the game.” I agree with you and not them, but I see it as an opportunity and not a flaw. One of my kids did not take it for granted and recently thanked me for the opportunity to take a chance that he might not have been able to had he not had a safety net under him. The chance he took worked out wonderfully for him and he is killing it. I’m beyond proud, as a parent naturally will be when their child’s success outpaces their own.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by 8foot7 »

mrsmitt wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 6:36 am Reading this thread made me realize how unfair this society is. Some get a framework to succeed as a birth right.

As an immigrant who came to the US literally with nothing I can only imagine what it feels like to have it all handed to you.
At one point in my life I had nothing too. No one owed it to me to make it as easy for me as some people have it. No one owes it to you or your children, either. Thinking otherwise is tantamount to jealousy - wanting what someone else has, or perhaps worse, wanting someone else to not have something because you don't currently have it. Those are traits I regularly attempt to exorcise from my children, and I think it's my duty to do so.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by delamer »

bluebolt wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:53 pm
delamer wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 9:42 pm
bluebolt wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 8:31 pm
delamer wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 12:41 pm One theme in The Millionaire Next Door books is that you can create a lot of resentment if you “punish success.” If one kid is more financially successful due to their education and career choices (or even just their choice of spouse), don’t provide subsidies to the less successful sibling(s) because of some misguided attempt to compensate them. Your family will be understanding at best, and damaged or severed at worst.
Fixed that for you.

My parents have helped my siblings way more than me. Their money, their choice. I do not need or want their money. And the support they provided my siblings has materially helped them, while 10x the amount they gave them would not impact my lifestyle.
You don’t get to “fix” anything I say.

You can disagree if you want, but you can’t put words in my mouth.
I assume you're not familiar with the common use of that phrase.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=FTFY
I understood the phrase perfectly well; I just didn’t like it.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by stoptothink »

TomatoTomahto wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:36 am
mrsmitt wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:18 am It doesn't change the fact that privileged kids get a big head start and it gets bigger for each following generation. Most of them do not realize the advantage they have and take it for granted.
And yet, I think that the majority of BH posters will say that the privileged kids are held back by the generosity of their parents because of less “skin in the game.”
Are you reading the same thread as I am :confused "Skin in the game" is a running joke on this board because the very idea gets attacked every time it is brought up. Posters are hounded when they even suggest that they may not fully cover the cost of college for their kids.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by stoptothink »

8foot7 wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:39 am
mrsmitt wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 6:36 am Reading this thread made me realize how unfair this society is. Some get a framework to succeed as a birth right.

As an immigrant who came to the US literally with nothing I can only imagine what it feels like to have it all handed to you.
At one point in my life I had nothing too. No one owed it to me to make it as easy for me as some people have it. No one owes it to you or your children, either. Thinking otherwise is tantamount to jealousy - wanting what someone else has, or perhaps worse, wanting someone else to not have something because you don't currently have it. Those are traits I regularly attempt to exorcise from my children, and I think it's my duty to do so.
+1
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

stoptothink wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:58 am
TomatoTomahto wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:36 am
mrsmitt wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:18 am It doesn't change the fact that privileged kids get a big head start and it gets bigger for each following generation. Most of them do not realize the advantage they have and take it for granted.
And yet, I think that the majority of BH posters will say that the privileged kids are held back by the generosity of their parents because of less “skin in the game.”
Are you reading the same thread as I am :confused "Skin in the game" is a running joke on this board because the very idea gets attacked every time it is brought up. Posters are hounded when they even suggest that they may not fully cover the cost of college for their kids.
The partisans in both camps attack each other. I guess it shows my bias in reading; I think the “skin in the game” partisans are more prevalent than the opposite. That’s what makes horse races.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by oldfort »

stoptothink wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 8:15 am It is always interesting to see these threads, where so many posters say they feel compelled to pay for undergrad (and even grad school), weddings, cars, houses, etc. because their parents did it for them. That wasn't a thing where I grew up. Just looking at the data for school, less than half of college students get financial help from parents and <15% have 529s (and that is only talking about the ~60% of high school students who go onto college), yet that is just assumed here. We all have different life experiences, and our opinions are influenced by them (whether we like it or not).

As we've become more successful we've definitely loosened up (until 4yrs ago, my wife wasn't even willing to talk about the possibility of paying for college for our kids), but I don't see us ever considering covering the cost of many of the other things mentioned for our kids as adults.
To be fair, private colleges assume paying for college is a parental responsibility. The amount of financial aid at the top tier privates is based on parental income and assets. You said your sister went to Brown in a recent thread, which wouldn't have been possible if your family had been too rich to qualify for need-based aid and unwilling to either pay their EFC outright or cosign on private loans.
Last edited by oldfort on Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by SQRT »

It depends on your means, the relationship you have with your kids, your attitude towards helping your kids, and you expectation of how the gift might impact your kids. I was extremely generous to my only child. You name it, I gave it. Worked out fabulously. She is a very successful, hard working woman. No sign of a sense of entitlement. You can either help them out early in their lives or leave it to them on your demise.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

SQRT wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:58 am You can either help them out early in their lives or leave it to them on your demise.
Assuming you don’t dislike them enough to leave it all to your pet canary.

Seriously though, isn’t it nice to see your assets make a difference in the life of a successful and hard working young woman? Good on ya.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by vested1 »

TomatoTomahto wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 8:06 am
vested1 wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 7:17 am I gave my ex money without the knowledge of my daughter when she was in the private college in order to help support her because I didn't want my daughter to think I was rewarding her violation of my rules.
I don’t have a fully formed opinion on this yet, but it sure got me thinking. Different situation to yours, but it has similarities. Contrary to our divorce agreement, my ex didn’t pay her share of our daughter’s tuition; I paid it. I’m not sure if I should have employed subterfuge to make it appear that the contribution came from my ex to give my daughter the illusion(?) that her mother was a person of her word and wasn’t transactional in her relationship with her child. It’s too late now of course, but at the time I didn’t make a fuss about it but I also didn’t disguise the fact that I was paying 100% after the first semester. Thank you for an interesting post that’s got me thinking.
My ex used every opportunity to denigrate me to our two children, but I chose to never speak of her in a negative manner to them. Her behavior was her responsibility to live with, and as long as it didn't harm my kids I stayed on the sidelines. They were my one and only concern, but part of that was my desire to ensure they had good values, and that their bad behaviour wouldn't be ignored or rewarded. I made sure to acknowledge all of their accomplishments as well, but not to compare them against each other, to each other.

I didn't feel the need to take credit for a contribution to my children's welfare to gain back a little of their affection, not saying that you did, just commenting on my own motivation. My brother knows about this and tells me he thinks I'm blowing it by not telling my kids that I was the one laying out the cash when my ex said it was her. He misses the point in my opinion. Gifts should not be a requirement for affection, and if they are, I'm not interested in playing that game.

Some would seek revenge against an ex in any number of ways in such a situation. I chose to sit down with her recently and go over her options for claiming a SS benefit on my record, both as an ex-spouse of 10 years, and as a survivor. That wasn't for her, but rather for my kids. I figured that if their mom is happier maybe they would be happier too. Her response was to thank me and to suggest I buy taller ladders and take up skydiving.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by 837373684 »

SQRT wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:58 am It depends on your means, the relationship you have with your kids, your attitude towards helping your kids, and you expectation of how the gift might impact your kids. I was extremely generous to my only child. You name it, I gave it. Worked out fabulously. She is a very successful, hard working woman. No sign of a sense of entitlement. You can either help them out early in their lives or leave it to them on your demise.
+1
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Doom&Gloom »

SQRT wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:58 am It depends on your means, the relationship you have with your kids, your attitude towards helping your kids, and you expectation of how the gift might impact your kids. I was extremely generous to my only child. You name it, I gave it. Worked out fabulously. She is a very successful, hard working woman. No sign of a sense of entitlement. You can either help them out early in their lives or leave it to them on your demise.
+1 to the section I bolded.

Reading these threads (and they are numerous) makes me chuckle at the contrast with the threads regarding gifting to your children early in their lives to maximize the impact of the gift (and they are numerous as well). It seems I wasn't the only reader to notice.
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Beachey
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by Beachey »

TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 12:01 pm
oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 11:05 am
TomatoTomahto wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 11:03 am
oldfatguy wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:45 am
FIREchief wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2021 10:33 am
What types of payments are you describing here?
It is my understanding that if you are receiving SS retirement benefits, your minor child can receive payments until they are 18, or until they graduate from HS before age 19.
https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
I did that. Iirc, they must also be unmarried. The spreadsheet isn’t handy, but I think I got 3 1/2 years of benefits for them. It is what swung me over the fence about SS filing (as otherwise I would have waited; thank you sscritic). We put the money into UTMA accounts and spent the money for various things (tuition, hockey lessons, etc). Every year I had to certify that the money was being spent for their benefit.
If you recall, how much was the payment? A % of your payment at 62, a % of your full benefit, something else? I can't seem to find much information about the program on the SSA website.
And, from the master himself, sscritic for two children:
When you start at 62, you get 75% of your PIA. Your kids will get 50% each. That a total of 1.75 of your PIA. In terms of your reduced benefit (the 75%), your children get 2/3 of that (50% is 2/3 of 75%), so your family will bet 2.33 time your actual paid benefit. [I actually don't think this is a good way of looking at it.]

You really need to make a spreadsheet showing the benefit month by month to see if what you are giving up in future benefits for yourself (and possibly your wife) is worth getting the money when you are 62. [My guess is that it is better to start at 62 for the extra money, but you really have to look at the numbers.]

Note, as I understand it, the family maximum uses your PIA, not the actual benefit paid, so you may get a reduction because of the family maximum even if the family is not getting more than the maximum.
Open Social Security (https://opensocialsecurity.com/) allows you to figure this into the calculation. Even though my kids will be under 18 for a while after I turn 62 it still points me to wait until I am 70. Though the difference between 62 and 70 is small, the key takeaway is to pick one or the other and don't claim in the middle.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by stoptothink »

TomatoTomahto wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:56 am
stoptothink wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:58 am
TomatoTomahto wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:36 am
mrsmitt wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:18 am It doesn't change the fact that privileged kids get a big head start and it gets bigger for each following generation. Most of them do not realize the advantage they have and take it for granted.
And yet, I think that the majority of BH posters will say that the privileged kids are held back by the generosity of their parents because of less “skin in the game.”
Are you reading the same thread as I am :confused "Skin in the game" is a running joke on this board because the very idea gets attacked every time it is brought up. Posters are hounded when they even suggest that they may not fully cover the cost of college for their kids.
The partisans in both camps attack each other. I guess it shows my bias in reading; I think the “skin in the game” partisans are more prevalent than the opposite. That’s what makes horse races.
There are less than a handful of posts in this thread (out of 140+) that suggest they did not or may not cover all of undergrad. Only a few more saying they didn't or don't have plans to pay for weddings and cars. The "skin in the game" partisans (I guess you can count me in that group, although both my kids have college paid for over a decade in advance) may be louder, but there is no question that they are a minority on this board.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

stoptothink wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 11:53 am There are less than a handful of posts in this thread (out of 140+) that suggest they did not or may not cover all of undergrad. Only a few more saying they didn't or don't have plans to pay for weddings and cars. The "skin in the game" partisans (I guess you can count me in that group, although both my kids have college paid for over a decade in advance) may be louder, but there is no question that they are a minority on this board.
It’s my perception that there are other threads where the “skin in the game” partisans are in the majority, but I’m honestly too lazy to find them. You might be right, although we probably both count higher for the view we don’t align with.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by mrsmitt »

Wow, you made some serious accusations. I am stating the fact that the society we live in doesn’t offer equal opportunities for kids and there is a large group of privileged and spoiled who attribute their success to only their greatness and exceptionalism. Look around you, plenty of family clans with generational wealth and power who control a lot in this country.

Yes, in the US there is a chance to succeed even for the most disadvantaged. This is a reason why this country is so appealing for immigrants. However, it doesn’t change the fact that chances to succeed for disadvantaged kids are much much lower than for someone who came from a good family.

Why would you even think that somebody owes it to me or my children? Are you trying this way to divert my points into something they are not?

What made you come to a conclusion that I am jealous? You should say that to a kid from a disadvantage family from south side Chicago. Do not forget to mention that it was their choice to be born in the environment were their chance to succeed are slim to none and if you believe otherwise you are delusional.

I find myself vary fortunate and I do realize that this is mostly due to the way my parents raised me and education my parents and a different society gave me.

I am on this thread because I am on a trajectory to find myself in position to make decision on the level of support of my kids after high school and this conversation just made me realize the level of fundamental inequality in this society.

I think you should start from teaching yourself not jumping into conclusions too quickly first.
8foot7 wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 9:39 am
mrsmitt wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 6:36 am Reading this thread made me realize how unfair this society is. Some get a framework to succeed as a birth right.

As an immigrant who came to the US literally with nothing I can only imagine what it feels like to have it all handed to you.
At one point in my life I had nothing too. No one owed it to me to make it as easy for me as some people have it. No one owes it to you or your children, either. Thinking otherwise is tantamount to jealousy - wanting what someone else has, or perhaps worse, wanting someone else to not have something because you don't currently have it. Those are traits I regularly attempt to exorcise from my children, and I think it's my duty to do so.
Last edited by mrsmitt on Sat Jul 31, 2021 4:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
delamer
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Re: How much financial support do you plan on giving to your kids after high school?

Post by delamer »

SQRT wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2021 10:58 am It depends on your means, the relationship you have with your kids, your attitude towards helping your kids, and you expectation of how the gift might impact your kids. I was extremely generous to my only child. You name it, I gave it. Worked out fabulously. She is a very successful, hard working woman. No sign of a sense of entitlement. You can either help them out early in their lives or leave it to them on your demise.
If someone wants to leave their estate to charity or their pet canary (as TomatoTomahto suggested), they should.

Or if someone has concerns about whether their assets are sufficient to support them as the age, then they shouldn’t start gifting.

But if you are going to leave your assets to your kids/grandkids and if you know that you have more money than you can spend, then help your kids when they are young. Don’t make them wait until they are retired themselves to benefit. If nothing else, matching their contributions to their retirement accounts is a great step.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
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