My dilemma... What would you do?

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susan123
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My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by susan123 »

I've been WFH for the past 3+ years, and work just informed me that I needed to commute to an office starting in August because of a new (and important) assignment. It takes me 1.5 hours one-way. :oops: I told work that I couldn't do it because of the commute, but they wouldn't listen/budge. They don't have anyone else with my skill set locally.

I'm mid-aged and mid-career with 2 small elementary-aged children. ~5M NW. What would you do if you were me? DH told me to quit, but I've worked very hard to get to this point of my career. Even though I don't enjoy my job that much, I'm not sure if this is the right time to retire yet either. Or maybe it is? I think we've got enough to retire on (maybe?), but I found it hard to say byebye to a good income.

Your thoughts and input are greatly appreciated.

Update:

Thank you all for the valuable input. Decision has been made. I will quit, take some time off and re-evaluate (maybe next year) if I want to return to the workforce or not. I'm excited about the change and all the possibilities. :sharebeer
Last edited by susan123 on Fri Jul 02, 2021 9:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
Williams57
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Williams57 »

Can you negotiate a hybrid work mode? Say, in office once or twice a week?
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lthenderson
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by lthenderson »

I think I would thoroughly consider my options if I am let go because I don't want to do the commute because that is probably where you are headed unless you agree to the commute.
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susan123
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by susan123 »

Williams57 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:32 pm Can you negotiate a hybrid work mode? Say, in office once or twice a week?
Unfortunately no, I was told the clients are very firm about me in the office.
esteen
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by esteen »

There are a lot of details I don't know about that would help me decide: what field you're in, availability to scale back and find another local/virtual position in your same career path that would give you just as much or more satisfaction, current expenses, your planned expenses over the next 15yrs while the kids grow up, DH's income, etc.

But to give a generalized opinion, I think I would keep the job for now and spend any extra free time (haha I know, "free time" is a joke, as I also have a FT job and 2 young kids) doing research and planning for if I quit. I would take a hard look at expenses, potential future expenses, insurances, etc. I would look into the market for different work that would be more rewarding and less time spent. I would spend a lot of time reflecting on what I would DO in retirement, if I retired, and not only how I would spend my hours but how my family dynamic would change and what I value in life that I want to keep/grow.

I would take several months to do these exercises. You'll have a lot of time to reflect and think critically on your 3+ hour commute... :oops:

But YMMV. Best of luck in your life path.
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Nicolas
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Nicolas »

Rent an apartment near work and commute home on the weekends/holidays.
Somethingwitty92912
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Somethingwitty92912 »

susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:28 pm I've been WFH for the past 3+ years, and work just informed me that I needed to commute to an office starting in August because of a new (and important) assignment. It takes me 1.5 hours one-way. :oops: I told work that I couldn't do it because of the commute, but they wouldn't listen/budge. They don't have anyone else with my skill set locally.

I'm mid-aged and mid-career with 2 small elementary-aged children. ~5M NW. What would you do if you were me? DH told me to quit, but I've worked very hard to get to this point of my career. Even though I don't enjoy my job that much, I'm not sure if this is the right time to retire yet either. Or maybe it is? I think we've got enough to retire on (maybe?), but I found it hard to say byebye to a good income.

Your thoughts and input are greatly appreciated.
Shop your resume around. Find out how much your worth. Look for jobs including work from home. You believe you worked hard to get where you are, it’s time to find out how much your really worth, then bring that to the table when discussing the future of your career with your current employer. Best do to research first, it’s important to know where you stand. If your footing should prove uneven best you just play good solider an head on in to work while planning your next move.
stoptothink
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by stoptothink »

esteen wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:36 pm
But to give a generalized opinion, I think I would keep the job for now and spend any extra free time (haha I know, "free time" is a joke, as I also have a FT job and 2 young kids) doing research and planning for if I quit. I would take a hard look at expenses, potential future expenses, insurances, etc.
OP has a net worth of ~$5M and two young kids, in that situation I wouldn't even remotely consider commuting 3hrs/day for a job I don't want or need?
fanmail
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by fanmail »

Seems like they need to pay you to come in to the office, ie a huge raise to make it worth your while. If there is no amount worth it, then you can quit since you have $5MM lol.
Shalom Aleichem
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Shalom Aleichem »

Nicolas wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:37 pm Rent an apartment near work and commute home on the weekends/holidays.
That's what I was thinking. Unless you're prepared to retire today. I'd send my resume out and see who bites too. Also ... how long is this assignment? 6 months? Might be worth it to suck it up. See if you can work 4 days a week, rent an apartment, and be with family three days. 2 years? Are you prepared to move to the new city? If not 2 years is a long time.
oldfatguy
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by oldfatguy »

With 5M, facing a 1.5 hour commute, I would quit in a heartbeat.
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susan123
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by susan123 »

Shalom Aleichem wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:42 pm
Nicolas wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:37 pm Rent an apartment near work and commute home on the weekends/holidays.
That's what I was thinking. Unless you're prepared to retire today. I'd send my resume out and see who bites too. Also ... how long is this assignment? 6 months? Might be worth it to suck it up. See if you can work 4 days a week, rent an apartment, and be with family three days. 2 years? Are you prepared to move to the new city? If not 2 years is a long time.
The project is 5 years. :shock:
esteen
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by esteen »

stoptothink wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:40 pm
esteen wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:36 pm
But to give a generalized opinion, I think I would keep the job for now and spend any extra free time (haha I know, "free time" is a joke, as I also have a FT job and 2 young kids) doing research and planning for if I quit. I would take a hard look at expenses, potential future expenses, insurances, etc.
OP has a net worth of ~$5M and two young kids, in that situation I wouldn't even remotely consider commuting 3hrs/day for a job I don't want or need?
Sometimes there are non-financial reasons to keep working, at least short-term. OP mentioned there is some trepidation in that she's worked very hard to get to this point in her career... I think it's worth exploring that and coming to terms with a life in retirement before pulling the trigger.

Some people can come to those terms in 2 days. Others take 2 months, or more. The main point is "think before you act" which means something different to everyone.
This post is for entertainment or information only, and should not be construed as professional financial advice. | | "Invest your money passively and your time actively" -Michael LeBoeuf
Nowizard
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Nowizard »

You and many others are re-evaluating based on workplace changes. I suspect there are some discussion forums for those with this dilemma. Practically, it is typically easier to get a job while having one, so many would say to tough it out until finding other employment or having reached a set period of time since you do have options based on your comments. Psychologically, it's a different issue that would be based on your circumstances that are probably difficult to succinctly explain here. Personally, I would suggest you do your due diligence regarding whether you have met your retirement "number" or what would be necessary at some point in the future to fill in any relatively small gaps. That gives you a plan if you choose to retire or go to PT work elsewhere. Perhaps, if this assignment is time-limited, you could negotiate a return to WFH. Having faced the same decision in the past I can say it is a difficult one, particularly when required to decide quickly and without much notice. It is common that people work hard academically and in their career, rise up and realize priorities change when children reach certain ages. Maybe, this is a time when priorities are changing as much as a time when expected to work harder with less enjoyment. No way in our lives would we devote five years of life to a job not wanted for assets not needed in all probability, particularly since you could return to work PT or FT in the future and have more balance in your life now. Another key is how do the key people in your life feel about the expectations?

Tim
Last edited by Nowizard on Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.
esteen
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by esteen »

fanmail wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:40 pm Seems like they need to pay you to come in to the office, ie a huge raise to make it worth your while. If there is no amount worth it, then you can quit since you have $5MM lol.
Yes, $5M is a lifetime of funds for the vast majority of people. But I don't think we should assume that the family of 4 will be able to automatically live forever with $5M at whatever their current lifestyle is. We don't know their current lifestyle or expenses. If OP lives in a VHCOL area, with a huge mortgage, paying for private school for the kids, etc etc then maybe $5M isn't quite "fu" money. My point is, OP should do the math and map it all out before deciding on something like retirement.
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exodusNH
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by exodusNH »

susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:28 pm I've been WFH for the past 3+ years, and work just informed me that I needed to commute to an office starting in August because of a new (and important) assignment. It takes me 1.5 hours one-way. :oops: I told work that I couldn't do it because of the commute, but they wouldn't listen/budge. They don't have anyone else with my skill set locally.

I'm mid-aged and mid-career with 2 small elementary-aged children. ~5M NW. What would you do if you were me? DH told me to quit, but I've worked very hard to get to this point of my career. Even though I don't enjoy my job that much, I'm not sure if this is the right time to retire yet either. Or maybe it is? I think we've got enough to retire on (maybe?), but I found it hard to say byebye to a good income.

Your thoughts and input are greatly appreciated.
I'd start looking for a new job. You should have no problem getting employed given the current job market. My SO has worked from home for her last 3 jobs. All three companies were 80% remote. (They had small "home offices" where a handful of people worked. The bulk of the staff worked from home.)

If you've got a good emergency fund, you might even plan a brinkmanship game and give your two weeks notice, explicitly saying it's because of the commute. You might find they change their tune, but if they don't, follow through with it. In general, it's best to look for a job while you have one, but it's not as big of a deal as it used to be, especially when you can answer the "why did you leave your last job" with "After 3 years of working from home, they wanted me to commute 3 hours a day." I've interviewed many people, and if I got that answer, I tell you your old employer was stupid.

If that seems a bit bold, which is understandable, then you could commute while you look for another job, then quit.

If you have a good relationship with your immediate supervisor, you could let them know that you're probably going to resign over this and see what they say.
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ResearchMed
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by ResearchMed »

susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:44 pm
Shalom Aleichem wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:42 pm
Nicolas wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:37 pm Rent an apartment near work and commute home on the weekends/holidays.
That's what I was thinking. Unless you're prepared to retire today. I'd send my resume out and see who bites too. Also ... how long is this assignment? 6 months? Might be worth it to suck it up. See if you can work 4 days a week, rent an apartment, and be with family three days. 2 years? Are you prepared to move to the new city? If not 2 years is a long time.
The project is 5 years. :shock:
For FIVE years (!), yes, is there any possibility of moving?
If it's more than "just money" and is an issue for you in terms of long planned/hoped for career path, that might be a solution. Five years can be a very long time sometimes.

And how old are the children?

RM
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Doom&Gloom
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Doom&Gloom »

I would either move or get fired. I wouldn't even consider any other options. Seems as if in your case (as with most), choosing which of those two would be a joint decision between you and your spouse. Of course, if you two can't reach an agreement ...

If it were me and I had a net worth of 5 million, I wouldn't be asking strangers on the internet for advice, but I guess that's what we're here for :wink:

Good luck in resolving your dilemma in a satisfactory way!
jarjarM
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by jarjarM »

You got enough to retire on. DW was in a somewhat similar situation and decided to put in her notice. The company (tech) came back with an offer of 1 year leave with full benefit so she'll have 1 year to decide on retiring for good. Spending more time with your kids is worth more than a few hundred ks here and there. I learn from this board that one spend 80% of one's time with their kid before 18. So good luck on your decision.
MaxDakota
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by MaxDakota »

Five years! This is a tough one!

Would the company work with you to adjust your hours? You’re essentially working 3 more hours per day, so perhaps some combo of going in later, leaving earlier, shifting the hours to minimize traffic?

Could they hire a car service for you so you can sleep and/or work during the commute? I had a car service drive me to and from work for two weeks in a foreign country, I got a lot done not having to drive!

With young kids, I would absolutely make it a priority to be there for them for the morning or evening routine every day, that would be non-negotiable for me.
Last edited by MaxDakota on Thu Jul 01, 2021 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
pasadena
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by pasadena »

We'd need a lot more info to give you a really good financial answer, but to be honest, this doesn't sound like a financial decision.

But you didn't ask what you should do, you asked what I would do, so:
susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:28 pm 1.5 hours one-way.
[...]
They don't have anyone else with my skill set locally.
[...]
with 2 small elementary-aged children.
[...]
~5M NW.
[...]
I don't enjoy my job that much
[...]
susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:34 pm
Williams57 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:32 pm Can you negotiate a hybrid work mode? Say, in office once or twice a week?
Unfortunately no, I was told the clients are very firm about me in the office.
[...]
susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:44 pm The project is 5 years.
I would do the following:

(1) A firm no, with an opening for negotiation to commute once a week. MAYBE twice a week. You have the upper hand here - they don't have anyone else, and you're clearly financially independent.

(2) If they say no to (1), quit. While I wouldn't normally quit without a new job secured, in your case I would quit immediately, and give a last day on the day before you're expected in the office. Might reopen the negotiation from (1) with a sudden flexibility, or it might open a new opportunity on a different project. Or it might open the door to (3).

(3) Get my resume ready (today) and out there (ASAP) to find a new job that is either local or remote. You may be surprised at what's available.

Unless your expenses are stratospheric or your house takes up 80% of your stated net worth, you can do whatever you want. You can even stop working for a while and look for a new job later.

You have young kids. Don't waste 3 hours a day on the road for money you don't need and a mental block. Give that time to your family instead.
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dogagility
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by dogagility »

pasadena wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 4:07 pm You have young kids. Don't waste 3 hours a day on the road for money you don't need and a mental block. Give that time to your family instead.
This.

Your kids are only young once.
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susan123
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by susan123 »

To answer some of your questions, we live in a Low to Medium COL area. No mortgage. DH has a good paying job with good benefits. No plan of moving/relocating anytime soon. Our younger one is 10.
Mr.Chlorine
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Mr.Chlorine »

Judging from you other posts, you can easily retire/take a break now and let your husband provide the family benefits. It is the summer, great excuse to spend more time with the kids :sharebeer
123
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by 123 »

As others have suggested shop your resume around and figure out your options with an alternative employer.
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Triple digit golfer
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Triple digit golfer »

You're worth $5 million. Do whatever you want.

I would retire and be a full-time at-home parent if my household was worth half of that.

Be there for the kids, drop-off, pick-up, activities/sports, volunteer at their schools, volunteer at a food bank, animal shelter, or hospital.

It would be a dream come true.
Normchad
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Normchad »

I’d just tell them you won’t be able to come to the office starting in August and see what they do.

If they let you go, it’s not the end of the world. But there’s a good chance they will “figure something out”.
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ResearchMed
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by ResearchMed »

Normchad wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 4:32 pm I’d just tell them you won’t be able to come to the office starting in August and see what they do.

If they let you go, it’s not the end of the world. But there’s a good chance they will “figure something out”.
WIth regard to this "approach", start thinking about being prepared to discuss whether commuting 1 or 2 days a week would work, or 3, or perhaps only 2 days every other week (and stay overnight there), etc. (Or would 2 days every week and stay there for one night be feasible?)

RM
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Astronaut4 »

Unless you physically must touch people (i.e doctor/surgeon), what must be done in person? The past year has shown us how technology has removed most, if not all barriers to in person type work. It sounds like a strong arm tactic and I would call their bluff. Don’t quit - at least not yet - but dig in and tell them if you are the only one that can do the job, they must figure out how to accommodate you. You have the power in this situation. I am rooting for you!
esteen
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by esteen »

susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 4:19 pm To answer some of your questions, we live in a Low to Medium COL area. No mortgage. DH has a good paying job with good benefits. No plan of moving/relocating anytime soon. Our younger one is 10.
This changes my original post. I think $5M probably is well more than enough for you folks. The bigger question then becomes - what will I do when I quit?

Personally I can't wait to retire, I have hobbies, social obligations, volunteer aspirations... but my DW is the opposite. Even during times when she dislikes her job, she can't imagine what she would do otherwise, or worries she would "waste away" and not feel meaning/purpose. It's something she has on her to-do list to tackle and come to terms with before retiring.

So, I guess it varies person to person. But financially you can probably quit tomorrow. Congrats!
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Normchad
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Normchad »

ResearchMed wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 4:37 pm
Normchad wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 4:32 pm I’d just tell them you won’t be able to come to the office starting in August and see what they do.

If they let you go, it’s not the end of the world. But there’s a good chance they will “figure something out”.
WIth regard to this "approach", start thinking about being prepared to discuss whether commuting 1 or 2 days a week would work, or 3, or perhaps only 2 days every other week (and stay overnight there), etc. (Or would 2 days every week and stay there for one night be feasible?)

RM
Good point to think ahead of possible responses or options.

We were in a similar position last fall. The wife was asked to physically return to work. We discussed and she ended up quitting. As for the OP apparently, we didn’t really need that income, and the perceived risk/hassle just weren’t worth it.
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celia
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by celia »

susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:34 pm Unfortunately no, I was told the clients are very firm about me in the office.
Depending on what field your company is in, another option is to ask to be put on another project instead. In other words, refuse to work for those clients under those conditions.

But you should also be looking for another job in the meantime.
neverpanic
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by neverpanic »

susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:28 pm They don't have anyone else with my skill set locally

commute takes me 1.5 hours one-way

2 small elementary-aged children

assignment is 5 years
3 hours/day x 5 days/week x 50 weeks/year x 5 years = 3750 hours

What's the dilemma? If they won't come to your terms, wish them all the best.
I am not a financial professional or guru. I'm a schmuck who got lucky 10 times. Such is the life of the trader.
as9
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by as9 »

pasadena wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 4:07 pm We'd need a lot more info to give you a really good financial answer, but to be honest, this doesn't sound like a financial decision.

But you didn't ask what you should do, you asked what I would do, so:
susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:28 pm 1.5 hours one-way.
[...]
They don't have anyone else with my skill set locally.
[...]
with 2 small elementary-aged children.
[...]
~5M NW.
[...]
I don't enjoy my job that much
[...]
susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:34 pm
Williams57 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:32 pm Can you negotiate a hybrid work mode? Say, in office once or twice a week?
Unfortunately no, I was told the clients are very firm about me in the office.
[...]
susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:44 pm The project is 5 years.
I would do the following:

(1) A firm no, with an opening for negotiation to commute once a week. MAYBE twice a week. You have the upper hand here - they don't have anyone else, and you're clearly financially independent.

(2) If they say no to (1), quit. While I wouldn't normally quit without a new job secured, in your case I would quit immediately, and give a last day on the day before you're expected in the office. Might reopen the negotiation from (1) with a sudden flexibility, or it might open a new opportunity on a different project. Or it might open the door to (3).

(3) Get my resume ready (today) and out there (ASAP) to find a new job that is either local or remote. You may be surprised at what's available.

Unless your expenses are stratospheric or your house takes up 80% of your stated net worth, you can do whatever you want. You can even stop working for a while and look for a new job later.

You have young kids. Don't waste 3 hours a day on the road for money you don't need and a mental block. Give that time to your family instead.
I would do this (if you're open to going once a week).
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Watty
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Watty »

susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:28 pm It takes me 1.5 hours one-way. I told work that I couldn't do it because of the commute, but they wouldn't listen/budge.
That is likely 1.5 hours on a good day, there will also be days that not so good, bad, terrible, and the occasional commute from hell days.

Your employer knows that is an impossible demand.

To me it sounds pretty clear that you are being forced out of the job.

It is time to move on and find a different job if you want to keep working.
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Exchme »

celia wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 4:50 pm
susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:34 pm Unfortunately no, I was told the clients are very firm about me in the office.
Depending on what field your company is in, another option is to ask to be put on another project instead. In other words, refuse to work for those clients under those conditions.

But you should also be looking for another job in the meantime.
Yes, do not get sucked in to "just try it for a little while" and other manipulative behaviors. Careers are great, but you will never regret spending time with your kids when they are young. My wife did a great job with the kids, but I was a work-a-holic and felt like I missed out on their growing up and now wished I had spent more time with them. That was the best stuff in life, not project managers, endless meetings and unrealistic deadlines. Since you are great shape financially, if your company can't find something that allows WFH, then sayonara.

Your real choice is to whether to try to stick with your current company by being plainspoken now that you will not take this assignment as the commute just isn't going to happen in order to give them time to switch assignments, or just go your own way and spend your efforts looking for a new job and then give your notice 2 weeks prior to the new assignment start. Since you have a skill set they need, they would be stupid to let you walk, but managers are often stupid, especially when they feel like someone is disobeying their almighty authority.
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by infotrader »

Watty wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 5:01 pm
susan123 wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 3:28 pm It takes me 1.5 hours one-way. I told work that I couldn't do it because of the commute, but they wouldn't listen/budge.
That is likely 1.5 hours on a good day, there will also be days that not so good, bad, terrible, and the occasional commute from hell days.

Your employer knows that is an impossible demand.

To me it sounds pretty clear that you are being forced out of the job.

It is time to move on and find a different job if you want to keep working.
Exactly what I feel.
delamer
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by delamer »

What about asking for a different assignment that doesn’t require you to go into the office daily?
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
Afty
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by Afty »

The commute and having young kids would be a deal breaker for me. I think your options are:

1) Negotiate with them to find another assignment or to work out a hybrid schedule. A previous poster suggested, and I agree, that if you have a good relationship with your manager, to tell them that you're probably going to quit over this and see if they can work something out.
2) Move.
3) Interview for other jobs.
4) Quit and take a (possibly permanent) break from working.
BillWalters
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by BillWalters »

Quit. Come on. They’re probably bluffing and you’re in a great spot to call.
MoonOrb
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by MoonOrb »

I'd continue to push back and see what the minimum amount of times you can come into the office is; if they still stand firm and don't change their stance, you can quit, given what you've shared about your financial situation. If they flex a little but not much, you could try it for a few months and in the meantime look for other jobs.

It seems to me like you should have a lot of leverage here: you've been WFH for 3 years, well before the pandemic, so they clearly know you can do the job well remotely. Telling them that commuting doesn't work for you but WFH (or some hybrid you can tolerate does) should get be really persuasive--it's better for them to have you remotely or on a hybrid schedule, presumably, if you're so important that you have to be there in person. On the other hand, there are a lot of unreasonable people in the world.

Also, if you don't love or find this job fulfilling, you can quit it. You have a lot invested for a MCOL area with no mortgage.
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celia
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by celia »

Watty wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 5:01 pm That is likely 1.5 hours on a good day, there will also be days that not so good, bad, terrible, and the occasional commute from hell days.

Your employer knows that is an impossible demand.
Let’s be open-minded here. This may be out of the employer’s control, but they may be required to offer her the task.
To me it sounds pretty clear that you are being forced out of the job.
Not necessarily. It could be a project requiring a security clearance. Of course, all work would then need to be done on-sight.
It is time to move on and find a different job if you want to keep working.
Or there might be a way the OP could become a consultant and start her own company. At least, right now appears to be a good time to re-evaluate all her options, including gaining experience in another field.
TropikThunder
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by TropikThunder »

Watty wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 5:01 pm To me it sounds pretty clear that you are being forced out of the job.
"There is absolutely nobody else who can do this critical job for this brand new super-important client. I know, let's make her quit!" That's ridiculous.
BH_RedRan
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by BH_RedRan »

One other thing to consider is that your tolerance for commuting may be much lower after having worked at home for 3+ years. I experienced that myself when I got a contract that required me to be at a job site for up to three days a week for a few months. The work was fine but I was miserable with just 45 minutes each way. I used to be able to do 45-60 minutes each way without even thinking about it. WFH re-sensitized me to the absurdity of spending that much time in a car each day.

Negotiate harder, quit, find something else, retire or move. It is much easier to negotiate when some of the other choices are ones you can live with.
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tyrion
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by tyrion »

There was a great Seinfeld episode where George was being bossed around by his girlfriend, always forced to do whatever she wanted and she never let him get his way. She had the upper hand, or 'hand' as they kept saying. Kramer convinces George to pre-emptively break up with her, she begs him not to and then suddenly he has 'hand'.

I think in this scenario you need to realize that you have 'hand'. The job needs you more than you need the job.
PowderDay9
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by PowderDay9 »

Don't quit.

Simply tell them firmly that you can't commute in and tell them you'll continue to work from home like you have been doing for years. Make them fire you if that's what they really want to do (I'm skeptical they go through with that). In the meantime, figure out what you want to do next in case they do let you go.
yoga
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by yoga »

In my world, this is the dream not a dilemma. Congrats on your success!
boogiehead
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by boogiehead »

Do you know the client and have a good working relationship with the them? If so, its worth a try to talk to them directly about your situation (although just a warning this might piss off your bosses) and see if they will be willing to give you some flexibility if you were to be on the project. I've seen several situations where upper management is afraid to "rock the boat" with the client so they just cater to whatever demands the clients have without pushing back to any requests that didn't make sense for the team.
j.click
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by j.click »

Repeatedly in quality of life surveys, long commutes rank #1 or #2 as life and joy sucking. Five years of this? Life is short and I would not want to put my family through this. However, there may be offsetting issues that make it worthwhile for you. Good luck as you consider this.
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celia
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Re: My dilemma... What would you do?

Post by celia »

TropikThunder wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 5:49 pm
Watty wrote: Thu Jul 01, 2021 5:01 pm To me it sounds pretty clear that you are being forced out of the job.
"There is absolutely nobody else who can do this critical job for this brand new super-important client. I know, let's make her quit!" That's ridiculous.
+1

In my experience in working for government contractors, the employer is bidding on a proposed contract while offering resumes of current employees as an example of the kinds of skills they have available within the company. I can see the government eyeing a few particular resumes, hoping/ (requiring?) that specific employees be on the project. I can also see that if OP’s unique skills are no longer available, her employer might not get the contract. So, it might also be putting the employer in a difficult spot if OP says “no, thanks”.

(I have no special knowledge of this situation. I am just throwing out possible behind-the-scenes scenarios.)
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