Real Estate Advice for Divorcee

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THY4373
Posts: 2771
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:17 pm

Re: Real Estate Advice for Divorcee

Post by THY4373 »

If you are worried about the lawyers making things more argumentative I strongly suggest you look at the collaborative divorce process which was recommended to ex and me by our marriage counselor. The lawyers doing the collaborative process do not try to fight out everything they work together and with the couple (we also had a financial neutral who handled the division of assets). Our lawyers were great there were no arguments and they essentially did exactly what my ex and I wanted. We got the exact separation agreement, child care agreement and divorce we were looking for. I personally would be cautious when kids and significant assets involved in not using a lawyer no matter how well you and the ex get along.
deserat
Posts: 168
Joined: Fri Dec 27, 2019 4:08 am

Re: Real Estate Advice for Divorcee

Post by deserat »

OP-we used a mediator (a family lawyer who offered mediation services) for our divorce. I, the female, kept the house (it was paid for). We had agreed upon a division of the other assets (furniture-which the mediator said was worth nothing unless a documented antique, piece of art, etc; cash; investments, autos, pensions, etc). My ex showed up at the last mediation session requesting that I sign a quit claim deed to a house he had just purchased (as well as an accelerated transfer if monetary assets to his accounts). The mediator recommended that I not sign the quit claim deed. I believe we each signed quit claim deeds that day, him for the house I lived in and me for the house he was purchasing. I did not transfer the funds until a bit later. We had to have all of the property separated before submitting the final divorce paperwork. I lived in AZ at the time, a community property state which only requires 60 days for a divorce from submission to finalization outside of a covenant marriage.

Depending on the emotional and trust state of the two people in the business arrangement (which is what is being managed through the divorce legal process), it can work.

I will say I did not want the divorce and was surprised when asked me to sign that deed as it had not been discussed before. However, I knew by then there was not going to be a reconciliation and I needed to just get on with the process and start my future. Moreover, the mediator made sure there was a fair distribution of the property taking into account our pre-marital financial statuses which I had documented. We both walked away with at least seven figures and our pensions intact, which was quite a bit better than what we started with. I had been following Bogle principles for a long time without knowing it. My ex benefited greatly from that as he did not have the same net worth nor the Bogle skills when I married him.

Divorce can be costly both financially and emotionally. Keeping it business-like and not paying lawyers to manage the emotional issues is ideal if it can be done. Moreover, as you have children, the sooner you learn to communicate and negotiate with your soon-to-be ex, the better the outcome for all in the long term. Best of luck to you.
Topic Author
rippinkittin
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2016 11:39 am

Re: Real Estate Advice for Divorcee

Post by rippinkittin »

deserat wrote: Wed Jun 16, 2021 1:32 pm OP-we used a mediator (a family lawyer who offered mediation services) for our divorce. I, the female, kept the house (it was paid for). We had agreed upon a division of the other assets (furniture-which the mediator said was worth nothing unless a documented antique, piece of art, etc; cash; investments, autos, pensions, etc). My ex showed up at the last mediation session requesting that I sign a quit claim deed to a house he had just purchased (as well as an accelerated transfer if monetary assets to his accounts). The mediator recommended that I not sign the quit claim deed. I believe we each signed quit claim deeds that day, him for the house I lived in and me for the house he was purchasing. I did not transfer the funds until a bit later. We had to have all of the property separated before submitting the final divorce paperwork. I lived in AZ at the time, a community property state which only requires 60 days for a divorce from submission to finalization outside of a covenant marriage.

Depending on the emotional and trust state of the two people in the business arrangement (which is what is being managed through the divorce legal process), it can work.

I will say I did not want the divorce and was surprised when asked me to sign that deed as it had not been discussed before. However, I knew by then there was not going to be a reconciliation and I needed to just get on with the process and start my future. Moreover, the mediator made sure there was a fair distribution of the property taking into account our pre-marital financial statuses which I had documented. We both walked away with at least seven figures and our pensions intact, which was quite a bit better than what we started with. I had been following Bogle principles for a long time without knowing it. My ex benefited greatly from that as he did not have the same net worth nor the Bogle skills when I married him.

Divorce can be costly both financially and emotionally. Keeping it business-like and not paying lawyers to manage the emotional issues is ideal if it can be done. Moreover, as you have children, the sooner you learn to communicate and negotiate with your soon-to-be ex, the better the outcome for all in the long term. Best of luck to you.
Thank you for sharing and for your gracious wishes.
chazas
Posts: 853
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 1:22 pm
Location: NoVa

Re: Real Estate Advice for Divorcee

Post by chazas »

I can only give my personal experience - I separated and divorced a couple of years ago after 32 years together/5 years married.

I bought a house to move into immediately during the separation period. He knew I was doing it, I had to use cash from joint accounts to do it, but we had a significant amount saved so it didn’t impact anyone. I bought it in my name alone and only I was on the mortgage. The then-current home was in his name alone. It worked out fine.

Yes, it was part of our pool of assets technically, but the idea that he would try to take that little bit of home equity in the division rather than some easier to access assets didn’t worry me at all.

Great that you’re doing it with a mediator. I consulted with my own lawyer but then we started out with a mediator. Unfortunately the ex decided he was being abused and lawyered up - in the end it took a few more months but we ended up literally exactly at the mediation split (it was incredibly favorable to him). I kept control over the process and didn’t let my lawyer spin any contentious wheels. Keeping civil even when incredibly hurt and not getting consumed with technicalities was worth a generous, generous settlement to me.

Best of luck.
ljb
Posts: 72
Joined: Fri Jun 23, 2017 5:24 pm

Re: Real Estate Advice for Divorcee

Post by ljb »

@rippinkitten:. I sent you a PM.
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