What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

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ipdiddly
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by ipdiddly »

TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 6:02 am
ipdiddly wrote: Wed Apr 21, 2021 11:11 pm Only regret is not retiring two or three years earlier. There are no bonus points for working longer.
So you don't think having 3 years of extra expenses and subtracting 3 years of salary would have affected your retirement?
It turns out I saved too much and benefited from a booming stock market. An extra three years of retirement would have allowed me to spend it down doing fun things. My situation may be different from others.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by carolinaman »

Arabesque wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 7:30 am
HanSolo wrote: Wed Apr 21, 2021 11:29 pm
AlohaJoe wrote: Wed Apr 21, 2021 7:30 pm I wouldn't say I regret it. But there are some things that work provides that are hard, or even impossible, to get outside of work. (snip)
I
The Atlantic ran a piece that illustrates the problem of loss of relevance, and why that might be even harder for people coming out of more prominent positions. It offers ideas on how to make the transition to a different phase of life, so that it doesn't wind up seeming empty.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/ar ... ne/590650/

OK, so I've been posting on Bogleheads quite a bit lately... I need to go get a life away from the screen.
Your life on the screen is valuable. Sharing this article helped a lot of us.

I have been struggling with my retirement and feeling the loss of my career. I'm almost 70, but probably would not have retired so soon without the Covid push. I now know to move on to Vanaprastha. Of course, first I have to define Vanaprastha . . . what it means to me, that is.
The Atlantic article is great and every pre or post retiree should read the article. I have always felt that I was a better IT Director when I retired than I was 10 or 20 years earlier. This article helps explain why. I transitioned from fluid intelligence, the hands on technical expert, to crystallized intelligence, a much wiser leader/administer/cheerleader who was no longer technical. I dealt with and related to people far better in my latter years. I sometimes cringe thinking how I interacted with some people many years earlier.
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JoeRetire
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by JoeRetire »

Thegame14 wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:14 am I know I am a different generation

retirement to me is just economics of how much money you need to live without working and how much you plan to leave to your kids/grandkids. Id be quite happy just sleeping late, watching TV, going for a walk, playing video games, running errands, and small hobbies, and not having to be on anyone else's schedule. to me retirement is FREEDOM!!!!
Yup, seems like a different generation.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by cheese_breath »

24 years into retirement and haven't regretted it yet. One of the best days of my life was the last day I walked out the office door.
The surest way to know the future is when it becomes the past.
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JoeRetire
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by JoeRetire »

KlangFool wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:16 amIt is just a job. You are paid to do it. There is nothing more or less to it.
For most people, there is more to work than just getting paid.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by KlangFool »

JoeRetire wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:26 am
KlangFool wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:16 amIt is just a job. You are paid to do it. There is nothing more or less to it.
For most people, there is more to work than just getting paid.
JoeRetire,

A) That matters to the person individually. But, it may not matter to anyone else.

B) I could get the same level of satisfaction from some where else. I work for this job because I am paid. Being unemployed for more than 1 year a few times taught me that. I am fine even if I am unemployed.

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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by flyingaway »

I plan to retire next year (or this year). I expect there may be some problems in retirement, such as friends are not available, travel may be restricted, family may have some issues, etc. But none of these potential problems is likely to be related to retiring per se.

If money is not a problem, unless you are really a big shot and feel great about that, retiring is not something to be regretted.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by SQRT »

TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 7:44 am I must admit I am very envious of people who are easily able to fill their days in retirement. I have zero understanding of what they are doing to fill their days.
I think it’s more that some people don’t have a need to fill their days. When I have an hour or two of available time with nothing else I want to do, I pick up a book, or magazine, or log into a chat site. Does the trick for me.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by Thegame14 »

KlangFool wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:16 am OP,

The answer: none.

I did excellent work and achieved extra-ordinary result. To reward my effort, my location was off-shored and I was laid off. This happened to me many times. I was unemployed for more than 1 year many times.

My identity is not tied to my job. My actual job performance has nothing to do with whether I will be rewarded. The mega corp has their strategic directions. If you do not fit their views and profiles, you will be gone.

It is just a job. You are paid to do it. There is nothing more or less to it. The world would keep on going with or without you.

KlangFool
+1 I feel exactly the same and also was laid off 2-3 times due to a company off shoring or going out of business.
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sperry8
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by sperry8 »

catfish48084 wrote: Wed Apr 21, 2021 6:04 pm So I'm thinking 12/31/2021 is the end of the line for me. I've been preparing for this day for a long time, and although nothing is certain I think economically its a safe time. That said, its still has its moments and thoughts of doubt.

I'm 60 now, and but for brief moments in my teens, I've been steadily employed since age 12. I've given it my best for many years, and I'm just running out of everything - interest in what I'm doing, energy and motivation to push thru the challenges, patience to deal with the aggravations, etc. It's time. But concerning is that I don't know what its like to not have a job to occupy a significant portion of my waking hours. Nor do I know what its like to be without an identity related to who I am at work and the contributions I make, which have provided a sense of accomplishment for many years.

So retiring is letting go of some economic security, and also letting go of a part of who I am. On the latter issue, I've spent the last 8 months putting in motion the realization of a lifelong dream - we bought the retirement home on the lake, and in the next couple months the dock, boat hoist, and grade-A fishing boat will all materialize. So I do have one huge hobby / source of enjoyment that certainly grow into a new identity I can be quite satisfied with

As well as I think I've planned and thought things thru, you don't know what you don't know. For you retirees out there, what are some of the things you didn't anticipate going into retirement that you learned after, and perhaps had regrets wishing you had approached differently? Although I haven't made the date official, I've put feelers out within my business unit that I have thought about a reduced role (fewer hours/days of work) as being appealing, but with the nature of what I do I don't know how that could actually work being available less than 5 days full time
As others have said it was the best decision I ever made. My only regret is that I didn't spend more during it. Many suggested boglehead withdrawal rates are too low and now I'm left with a pile I'll likely never spend. Planning for the worst becomes a regret when the worst doesn't happen.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by surfstar »

TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 7:44 am I must admit I am very envious of people who are easily able to fill their days in retirement. I have zero understanding of what they are doing to fill their days.
The classic Catch-22 - if you are so driven in work/success/career that you accumulate a large amount of money and could FIRE - you are unlikely to, as you feel the need to do "something productive". For many others of us, we don't care about a "career", we are defined by our lives outside of work; so we spend less time and effort working, meaning we accumulate slower and therefore have to work longer.

With enough money (not crazy amounts, just our current spending level - middleclass) I'd never grow bored of not working. There is an entire world of things to see and do.

In the end, we're all dead. Enjoy the time you have. If your work life is more enjoyable than your outside life - congrats?
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by surfstar »

JoeRetire wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:26 am
KlangFool wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:16 amIt is just a job. You are paid to do it. There is nothing more or less to it.
For most people, there is more to work than just getting paid.
No. I think you have it backwards. For some people.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by Old Guy »

Been retired for seven years. Unlike many here I worked into my early 70s having a 10 year second career after retiring from 30 years in the federal government. My wife worked into her late 60s likewise having a second career after retiring from the feds. I know that this makes us outliers here but we had high social utility jobs with pensions, great medical coverage, and good salaries.

In retirement we bought the most expensive house we ever owned a five minute walk from the ocean, more money then we can spent, and lots of travel. This year we anticipate over two months of travel to Florida, California, Utah, Georgia, and Colorado. My wife has thrived in retirement. Lots of women’s groups where we live and much ancestry research. The nature of my retirement job meant the only colleague I could be friendly with was my boss, and since I have always social distanced, not being around other people in retirement isn’t a problem. Had to give up my volunteer job because of Covid and my age, but lots of bike riding and home workouts to make up for no longer going to the gym.

Sometimes I wonder how I ever managed to get up every workday for over 40 years to go to a job. No regrets but I am glad we waited longer to retire.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by rich126 »

chuckb84 wrote: Wed Apr 21, 2021 6:48 pm I retired at 60.5 and I have no regrets. One thing that I "knew" in the abstract, but not in terms of hard, cold reality, is that my excellent health was a thing that wouldn't last forever. In fact, I'm going through some very serious health issues at age 66, so I am very, very thankful that I had over 5 years of health almost indistinguishable from how I felt in my 40's. I was able to be very active: hiking, cycling, camping, learned to ride a motorcycle, etc.

I may be able to work through some/most of my health issues, but it is uncertain. We discuss risk in so many ways on this forum, but the risk of being able to continue to enjoy life as you always have may be the biggest risk of all. I've also learned that I can adapt, and change the things I enjoy doing and find happiness that way. Some of this has been imposed on me, but it has also made me reexamine how I find satisfaction in life.

So, it isn't just time in retirement, it's how well you are able to take advantage of the time.

Sometimes I mildly regret that I don't have the ability to influence things in my field, but I am largely content to look back at what I did in my career with satisfaction. It's a new phase of life, and I do some volunteer work, contribute to charities and fundraisers, and that is most of how I participate in society outside my own life and circle of friends.
For most people health isn't something that just gradually gets worse, instead you can be fine and then one day things go bad and aren't "normal" again.
I'm only in my late 50s but 2 years ago I messed up my back at the gym (doing leg presses) and was in bad pain off/on for 6 months but even now it isn't close to 100%. I'm glad I did a bunch of traveling in my 40s/early 50s and did a bunch of ski trips while in my 30s. A few are lucky but most don't stay in good health and fitness until the end, instead it can go quickly.

I'm hoping to retire by 60. I guess I'm semi-retired now in that I've only been working 27 hrs a week while contemplating whether to change jobs, move, etc.

And honestly I haven't had any friends or relatives tell me post retirement "Geez, I miss work". Although they all were in a solid financial position so that helps greatly. ("Solid" doesn't mean wealthy but just having sufficient income/insurance.)
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by Escapevelocity »

HanSolo wrote: Wed Apr 21, 2021 11:29 pm
AlohaJoe wrote: Wed Apr 21, 2021 7:30 pm I wouldn't say I regret it. But there are some things that work provides that are hard, or even impossible, to get outside of work. (snip)
The Atlantic ran a piece that illustrates the problem of loss of relevance, and why that might be even harder for people coming out of more prominent positions. It offers ideas on how to make the transition to a different phase of life, so that it doesn't wind up seeming empty.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/ar ... ne/590650/
Thanks for posting this. I had started to read this article a while back but your post prompted me to a full reading. There's a lot to digest in there. Here is my favorite part:

What I need to do, in effect, is stop seeing my life as a canvas to fill, and start seeing it more as a block of marble to chip away at and shape something out of. I need a reverse bucket list. My goal for each year of the rest of my life should be to throw out things, obligations, and relationships until I can clearly see my refined self in its best form.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by TheDogFather »

This has been a great thread.

As for different attitudes toward retirement it’s recently become clear to me (and looking at my siblings) that people are just wired differently. Ray Dalio talked about aligning direction with your innate nature. Living life well falls on a spectrum. At one end there is achievement-based where meaning comes from growth and impact. These people want to leave a mark. At the other end of the spectrum is ‘presence-based’, living in the moment, having fun, smelling the roses, etc.

I was living at the achievement-based end of the spectrum for all my working life and am now trying to enrich my life for the time after paid employment by doing more toward the presence-based way of living.

I am currently transitioning to retirement working for a smaller company after a very successful ‘exit’ from a larger company I helped grow. ‘Successful’ financially, that is. For the last six months, I went from leading and being involved in many enriching projects that impacted many people and was a lot of fun ... to supporting the transition to the new leadership team when I became absolutely irrelevant. I was almost embarrassed to receive a paycheck. I cleared out my corner office during COVID without anyone to say goodbye to in person. It felt very empty. And I wasn’t ready to do nothing. I miss the people, the connections, and the work of the larger organization but don’t think I have the energy to build something again. The smaller company provides some sense of achievement while I convince myself it’s time to be totally free from commitments and explore new things. We are very fortunate in that money does not play a role in the timing of the decision. We live frugally relative to our means and have >50x expenses (not including SS and pensions) even if we undertake very extensive travel in the future.

I am currently developing new hobbies and re-establishing old ones, volunteer coaching, and building the lake retirement home in a community of similar people where there will be no shortage of social activities with interesting people. I do serve on the board of a non-profit so there is some sense ongoing of ‘achievement’.

But I think we all will be most comfortable finding the place on the ‘achievement-presence’ spectrum that is most meaningful to us as individuals. And that as we age and go through different stages in life that optimum place on the spectrum will move.
Last edited by TheDogFather on Thu Apr 22, 2021 10:46 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by bagle »

It's a very personal thing, YMMV and all that but...

I have no regrets 99.9% of the time. I'm happier, healthier, and sleep more/better. I'm calmer and my marriage is better. Most of all, I have more control over a life that none of us can fully control.

I find that it required more self-discipline to make it work - but in a different way. I had to experiment with what kind of volunteer or other "work" really fulfilled me.

I do miss the adrenaline rush of closing a deal or a colleague's slap on the back about 0.1% of the time. That nostalgia fades away after a minute or two.

I saw my father die less than a year after he retired. Life is too short...
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by JoeRetire »

KlangFool wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:29 am
JoeRetire wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:26 am
KlangFool wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:16 amIt is just a job. You are paid to do it. There is nothing more or less to it.
For most people, there is more to work than just getting paid.
JoeRetire,

A) That matters to the person individually. But, it may not matter to anyone else.
The individual is what matters. The anyone else part can easily be ignored.
B) I could get the same level of satisfaction from some where else. I work for this job because I am paid. Being unemployed for more than 1 year a few times taught me that. I am fine even if I am unemployed.
Terrific!

Some folks derive significant satisfaction and enjoyment from their jobs. I know I did.
I'm happy in retirement. I was happy working.
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JoeRetire
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by JoeRetire »

surfstar wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 9:25 am
JoeRetire wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:26 am
KlangFool wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:16 amIt is just a job. You are paid to do it. There is nothing more or less to it.
For most people, there is more to work than just getting paid.
No. I think you have it backwards. For some people.
Perhaps I'm more optimistic. I suspect I'm more realistic.
I don't personally know anyone who didn't get at least some enjoyment from their job. Social aspects, physicality, intellectual aspects... something.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by swansong »

My 2 cents - My sister died two years ago of a rare cancer at age 52. She died with millions in retirement accounts she never got to enjoy. That same year, a friend died of a heart attack at 49. Not everyone is gifted with longevity. I was forced to retire early due to Covid cutbacks. I had a high pressure, competitive and at times, a soul-crushing job. I commuted to NYC, (3 hours Roundtrip on a good day.) That drive was harrowing enough before I even stepped into the frenzied work pit. As a type "A" personality, I thought I would have a hard time adjusting. I had already made the move out of NYC to the country and now am finally taking the time to "smell the roses." My identity is not defined by the job. I have been officially "retired" for a year. I've discovered Red-bellied Woodpeckers, Northern Cardinals, a bear in my driveway, etc. Nature is beautiful when you take pause to notice. Not to go all Henry David Thoreau, but I wish the catalyst occurred earlier. Now, like John Lennon: "I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.
I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round. I just had to let it go."
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by SQRT »

swansong wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 11:14 am Now, like John Lennon: "I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.
I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round. I just had to let it go."
I adopted that song as my theme, just prior to and after retirement. Funny thing is, I haven’t thought of it for years now. You move on. It’s been about 15 years for me.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by PaulW »

Age 77, retired 16 years ago. No regrets.

From the time I decided to retire, it took about 2 years to sell our business. I think that was good in that it gave me time to mentally adapt to a retired status.

I have enjoyed a few part time jobs but they never restrict me from doing what I want when I want.

PaulW
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by jebmke »

Probably the one tactical error we made was to not fully research the state and trajectory of health care in the area we finally settled in. Rural/small town health care is spotty quality and accessibility. The distance to reasonable quality isn't onerous yet but will eventually become a deal breaker and we will move.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by spammagnet »

SQRT wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 9:07 am
TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 7:44 am I must admit I am very envious of people who are easily able to fill their days in retirement. I have zero understanding of what they are doing to fill their days.
I think it’s more that some people don’t have a need to fill their days. When I have an hour or two of available time with nothing else I want to do, I pick up a book, or magazine, or log into a chat site. Does the trick for me.
It takes awhile to figure out you don't have to do anything. Some days I reflect on what I did that day and it's not much. That's okay. Relax.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by TheTimeLord »

surfstar wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 9:25 am
TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 7:44 am I must admit I am very envious of people who are easily able to fill their days in retirement. I have zero understanding of what they are doing to fill their days.
The classic Catch-22 - if you are so driven in work/success/career that you accumulate a large amount of money and could FIRE - you are unlikely to, as you feel the need to do "something productive". For many others of us, we don't care about a "career", we are defined by our lives outside of work; so we spend less time and effort working, meaning we accumulate slower and therefore have to work longer.

With enough money (not crazy amounts, just our current spending level - middleclass) I'd never grow bored of not working. There is an entire world of things to see and do.

In the end, we're all dead. Enjoy the time you have. If your work life is more enjoyable than your outside life - congrats?
For me work never stood in the way of doing things that are on most people's bucket list. And it seemed easy to find people to go along because they were working. Now it seems people I know are scared to spend money because they are paying for the kids college or saving for retirement. Basically I am financially all dressed up with nowhere to go.
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changingtimes
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by changingtimes »

swansong wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 11:14 am My 2 cents - My sister died two years ago of a rare cancer at age 52. She died with millions in retirement accounts she never got to enjoy. That same year, a friend died of a heart attack at 49. Not everyone is gifted with longevity. I was forced to retire early due to Covid cutbacks. I had a high pressure, competitive and at times, a soul-crushing job. I commuted to NYC, (3 hours Roundtrip on a good day.) That drive was harrowing enough before I even stepped into the frenzied work pit. As a type "A" personality, I thought I would have a hard time adjusting. I had already made the move out of NYC to the country and now am finally taking the time to "smell the roses." My identity is not defined by the job. I have been officially "retired" for a year. I've discovered Red-bellied Woodpeckers, Northern Cardinals, a bear in my driveway, etc. Nature is beautiful when you take pause to notice. Not to go all Henry David Thoreau, but I wish the catalyst occurred earlier. Now, like John Lennon: "I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.
I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round. I just had to let it go."
Also: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

DH died at 55, a year before we were set to retire early and start spending our savings. So my decision on when I will retire is based as much on wanting to be sure that I make use of what we saved and didn't get to use together. In the meantime, this year of working from home full-time has shown me how much I like just sitting in my yard watching the world go by and tending to my plants. Until it gets too hot!
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by surfstar »

TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 12:06 pm
surfstar wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 9:25 am
TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 7:44 am I must admit I am very envious of people who are easily able to fill their days in retirement. I have zero understanding of what they are doing to fill their days.
The classic Catch-22 - if you are so driven in work/success/career that you accumulate a large amount of money and could FIRE - you are unlikely to, as you feel the need to do "something productive". For many others of us, we don't care about a "career", we are defined by our lives outside of work; so we spend less time and effort working, meaning we accumulate slower and therefore have to work longer.

With enough money (not crazy amounts, just our current spending level - middleclass) I'd never grow bored of not working. There is an entire world of things to see and do.

In the end, we're all dead. Enjoy the time you have. If your work life is more enjoyable than your outside life - congrats?
For me work never stood in the way of doing things that are on most people's bucket list. And it seemed easy to find people to go along because they were working. Now it seems people I know are scared to spend money because they are paying for the kids college or saving for retirement. Basically I am financially all dressed up with nowhere to go.
We foresee a similar issue when we FIRE - current friends will continue working, so longer trips will be just us. Luckily my wife and I share the same interests. We also assume we'll have to befriend younger people - in rock climbing they'd be the "dirtbags" (its a term of endearment) that take time off to just pursue climbing. You can find them at all the popular climbing campgrounds and since all they do is climb, they're usually strong partners and looking for people to climb with. Our SCUBA club has 'older' retirees that take trips, so we can join them. It will basically require expanding our circle of adventure buddies to encompass more age groups; not necessarily a bad thing.

It would be much different for a single retiree. I'd suggest working on finding a compatible partner to FIRE with is just as important as funding FIRE. We both feel extremely lucky/fortunate to have found the former and work on the latter together.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by bagle »

TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 7:44 am I must admit I am very envious of people who are easily able to fill their days in retirement. I have zero understanding of what they are doing to fill their days.
I fill some of my days teaching something that was a challenge to develop (MBA-level cryptocurrency and robo-advisor courses). That transition seemed to have worked for J.S. Bach, according to The Atlantic article Hans cited.
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beernutz
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by beernutz »

What a great thread. I may read it all again. I'm retiring at 63 in June of 2022, 404 days from now, and foresee having no regrets.
AA: 38/43/19 - equities/positive return-zero volatility/bonds | DW retired 2019, I retired 2022, "it'll be fine"
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by John Z »

nisiprius wrote: Wed Apr 21, 2021 7:02 pm Eight years in, none.
And I liked my work.
SAME!
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by GoneCamping »

TheDogFather wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 10:29 am This has been a great thread.

As for different attitudes toward retirement it’s recently become clear to me (and looking at my siblings) that people are just wired differently. Ray Dalio talked about aligning direction with your innate nature. Living life well falls on a spectrum. At one end there is achievement-based where meaning comes from growth and impact. These people want to leave a mark. At the other end of the spectrum is ‘presence-based’, living in the moment, having fun, smelling the roses, etc.
...
I think this is very true. I've known this about myself, that I was wired for the "presence-based" living since I was a kid. Never all that driven, disciplined or determined but I always loved the time that was my own, weekends, summers, vacations, time with friends and family, and so on. A man of leisure I like to (half) jokingly say. I could laterally write multiples of paragraphs about how this affects and has affected me throughout my life, both good and bad. The best of it I'll just say is I do think I truly appreciate what I have and how fortunate I am. At the other end, professional "success" or achievement means absolutely nothing to me; I'm just not wired that way.

So, this has followed me throughout my life and while perhaps I could or should have been more professionally successful, it's just never been where my heart was. I have done what I had to do, worked smart but not hard, and learned to save and be more financially conservative later in life than I should have but still managed to get to a point where I am ready (well, always been ready!) and able to retire at the age of 55 in about two months. Of all the fears an uncertainty of my impending retirement, fear of missing work or anything it provides (other than a paycheck) or related to it is of no concern whatsoever. I realize this isn't the case for everyone, maybe not many folks but it's important to recognize where you fall on this spectrum and that yes, we are all just wired differently and can't really change that.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by LilyFleur »

HanSolo wrote: Wed Apr 21, 2021 11:29 pm
AlohaJoe wrote: Wed Apr 21, 2021 7:30 pm I wouldn't say I regret it. But there are some things that work provides that are hard, or even impossible, to get outside of work. (snip)
I too haven't had regrets, but I'm facing some of the challenges of the situation. AlohaJoe touched on many of the practical realities that I've experienced and/or seen others experience. In short, there can be some difficulty around loss of relevance and/or loss of people-connection.

"Epidemic of isolation" was a thing even before the pandemic, and this can be an issue, most especially if one is retired, and single, and doesn't otherwise have a social circle or support system that keeps them plugged in to society... or even notices if they're alive or dead. And I'm not talking about "facebook friends" (as Roger Daltrey said, "your real friends are the ones by your side").

The OP said "we", so I'm assuming there's a spouse involved, which is generally a great advantage. At least you're not totally alone. But if the spouse is 100% of one's people-connection, then that still might not be the healthiest situation.

The Atlantic ran a piece that illustrates the problem of loss of relevance, and why that might be even harder for people coming out of more prominent positions. It offers ideas on how to make the transition to a different phase of life, so that it doesn't wind up seeming empty.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/ar ... ne/590650/

The 2015 film "The Intern" touched on this issue... in a Hollywood kind of way.

OK, so I've been posting on Bogleheads quite a bit lately... I need to go get a life away from the screen.
What an interesting article... I will read it again, especially those last four points.

Thank you. :happy
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by bagle »

After a few years of (semi) retirement, my observation is that you have to translate your underlying professional skills in a new way.

I'm a competitive person (like many Bogleheads here):

I worked my butt off to get into the world's no. 1 public university and get an A+ on my senior thesis.
I worked my butt off to get a scholarship to an Ivy League MBA program.
I worked my butt off, toiling until 5am, in the hyper-competitive Wall St. and City of London worlds.

Now I compete with myself to make the best possible Ragú sauce for my wife.
Now I compete with myself to make the best darned expresso from my manual lever machine.
Now I compete with myself to learn and play the best Bach minuet I can.
Now I compete with myself to be the most loving and playful master to my dog.
Last edited by bagle on Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by CZjc1330 »

To JoeRetire
TKS. Good Q. DW and I took several trips over a two-year period, USA, Caribbean and Europe. I did try to secure p/t employment thereafter. Unfortunately in my part of FL there is an overabundance of men and women who match my experiences To wit: Slim pickings.

The main point I was trying to make is that I think many people are simply exhausted, burned out, etc. And it might be wise to take a break, hopefully, a leave of absence for three to six months to think it through before actually retiring.

I did not; I wish I had.

Another subtle point is that retirement isn't what it's cracked up to be. Most of my friends play golf 4 or 5 days a week, Others play bridge/poker 4 to 5 hrs a week. Then they dive into Happy Hours with a vengeance. They think they are happy.
Retirement has to be carefully planned. Cheers!! :sharebeer
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by iamblessed »

delete
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by iamblessed »

TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 7:44 am I must admit I am very envious of people who are easily able to fill their days in retirement. I have zero understanding of what they are doing to fill their days.
Start fixing every thing that break around the house. That will eat tons of time.

I fix and lcd monitor. Did not not know I could do that.
I worked on an old dryer off and on for a month I am guessing. I got it fixed.
Read forums for at least an hour a day.
Last edited by iamblessed on Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:04 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by cheese_breath »

changingtimes wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 12:08 pm
swansong wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 11:14 am My 2 cents - My sister died two years ago of a rare cancer at age 52. She died with millions in retirement accounts she never got to enjoy. That same year, a friend died of a heart attack at 49. Not everyone is gifted with longevity. I was forced to retire early due to Covid cutbacks. I had a high pressure, competitive and at times, a soul-crushing job. I commuted to NYC, (3 hours Roundtrip on a good day.) That drive was harrowing enough before I even stepped into the frenzied work pit. As a type "A" personality, I thought I would have a hard time adjusting. I had already made the move out of NYC to the country and now am finally taking the time to "smell the roses." My identity is not defined by the job. I have been officially "retired" for a year. I've discovered Red-bellied Woodpeckers, Northern Cardinals, a bear in my driveway, etc. Nature is beautiful when you take pause to notice. Not to go all Henry David Thoreau, but I wish the catalyst occurred earlier. Now, like John Lennon: "I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.
I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round. I just had to let it go."
Also: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

DH died at 55, a year before we were set to retire early and start spending our savings. So my decision on when I will retire is based as much on wanting to be sure that I make use of what we saved and didn't get to use together....
Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying, but my intent in retiring early was never to use up as much of my savings as I can. Naturally I want it to last as long as I do. But it's OK if there's some (or lots) left over after I go. The kids can have it.
The surest way to know the future is when it becomes the past.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by changingtimes »

cheese_breath wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:59 pm
changingtimes wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 12:08 pm
swansong wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 11:14 am My 2 cents - My sister died two years ago of a rare cancer at age 52. She died with millions in retirement accounts she never got to enjoy. That same year, a friend died of a heart attack at 49. Not everyone is gifted with longevity. I was forced to retire early due to Covid cutbacks. I had a high pressure, competitive and at times, a soul-crushing job. I commuted to NYC, (3 hours Roundtrip on a good day.) That drive was harrowing enough before I even stepped into the frenzied work pit. As a type "A" personality, I thought I would have a hard time adjusting. I had already made the move out of NYC to the country and now am finally taking the time to "smell the roses." My identity is not defined by the job. I have been officially "retired" for a year. I've discovered Red-bellied Woodpeckers, Northern Cardinals, a bear in my driveway, etc. Nature is beautiful when you take pause to notice. Not to go all Henry David Thoreau, but I wish the catalyst occurred earlier. Now, like John Lennon: "I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.
I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round. I just had to let it go."
Also: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

DH died at 55, a year before we were set to retire early and start spending our savings. So my decision on when I will retire is based as much on wanting to be sure that I make use of what we saved and didn't get to use together....
Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying, but my intent in retiring early was never to use up as much of my savings as I can. Naturally I want it to last as long as I do. But it's OK if there's some (or lots) left over after I go. The kids can have it.
No kids. So my desire is to bounce the check to the cemetery. :)
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by Mr.RegPark »

I’m 65 - retired at 59.5 after 30 years as a surgeon. The last two years in practice I was hit with prostate cancer surgery, a back fusion, and the death of my 95 year old father. So, I was ready to quit when an offer materialized.
My only minor regret is not keeping up my medical license. It would have afforded better volunteer options.
I’m physically in better shape than I’ve been in 30 years. 5’11” / 160lbs. Combination of hiking, walking, weights, and better nutrition. Not standing on the right side of an O.R. table does amazing things to self correct the scoliosis. Two smallish homes, three great dogs, traveling beaucoups ( mostly with Road Scholar).
And a wife who still is a terrible cook. What else is there?
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by cheese_breath »

changingtimes wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:01 pm
cheese_breath wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 1:59 pm
changingtimes wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 12:08 pm
swansong wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 11:14 am My 2 cents - My sister died two years ago of a rare cancer at age 52. She died with millions in retirement accounts she never got to enjoy. That same year, a friend died of a heart attack at 49. Not everyone is gifted with longevity. I was forced to retire early due to Covid cutbacks. I had a high pressure, competitive and at times, a soul-crushing job. I commuted to NYC, (3 hours Roundtrip on a good day.) That drive was harrowing enough before I even stepped into the frenzied work pit. As a type "A" personality, I thought I would have a hard time adjusting. I had already made the move out of NYC to the country and now am finally taking the time to "smell the roses." My identity is not defined by the job. I have been officially "retired" for a year. I've discovered Red-bellied Woodpeckers, Northern Cardinals, a bear in my driveway, etc. Nature is beautiful when you take pause to notice. Not to go all Henry David Thoreau, but I wish the catalyst occurred earlier. Now, like John Lennon: "I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.
I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round. I just had to let it go."
Also: "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

DH died at 55, a year before we were set to retire early and start spending our savings. So my decision on when I will retire is based as much on wanting to be sure that I make use of what we saved and didn't get to use together....
Maybe I'm misinterpreting what you're saying, but my intent in retiring early was never to use up as much of my savings as I can. Naturally I want it to last as long as I do. But it's OK if there's some (or lots) left over after I go. The kids can have it.
No kids. So my desire is to bounce the check to the cemetery. :)
Then go for a big one. :D :D
The surest way to know the future is when it becomes the past.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by cheese_breath »

Gabelli2020 wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:03 pm I’m 65 - retired at 59.5 after 30 years as a surgeon. The last two years in practice I was hit with prostate cancer surgery, a back fusion, and the death of my 95 year old father. So, I was ready to quit when an offer materialized.
My only minor regret is not keeping up my medical license. It would have afforded better volunteer options.
I’m physically in better shape than I’ve been in 30 years. 5’11” / 160lbs. Combination of hiking, walking, weights, and better nutrition. Not standing on the right side of an O.R. table does amazing things to self correct the scoliosis. Two smallish homes, three great dogs, traveling beaucoups ( mostly with Road Scholar).
And a wife who still is a terrible cook. What else is there?
Cooking lessons? :D
The surest way to know the future is when it becomes the past.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by Freefun »

not retiring earlier (OMY sufferer)
Remember when you wanted what you currently have?
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by SteadyOne »

JoeRetire wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:26 am
KlangFool wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:16 amIt is just a job. You are paid to do it. There is nothing more or less to it.
For most people, there is more to work than just getting paid.
Like what?
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by Sage16 »

We retired a little over 5 years ago, at 57 and 59. A month after retiring my DW's doctor took her off her high blood pressure meds. We have been enjoying a lot of travel. Only regret is we didn't retire a few years earlier.
Bogle on investing: Diversify, focus on low costs, invest for the long term. Don't speculate and don't be distracted by volatility.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by JoeRetire »

SteadyOne wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:27 pm
JoeRetire wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:26 am
KlangFool wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 8:16 amIt is just a job. You are paid to do it. There is nothing more or less to it.
For most people, there is more to work than just getting paid.
Like what?
I enjoyed the challenges, the sense of accomplishment, the interaction with smart, hardworking people. the friends, the customers, the advancements I helped provided to my industry, the help I gave to people in roles similar to mine. I liked being really god at my job. I enjoyed the conferences I helped lead, the papers I wrote, the difference I made. I enjoyed some of the routine tasks and most of the processes I created. I enjoyed helping my company survive and sometimes thrive. Although I was salaried, I worked very hard, averaging about 55 hours per week over my professional career. I wouldn't have done that just for the money.

My wife enjoyed her patients. She got a sense of accomplishment when she could calm their fears, help them through their procedures, and bring a smile to their face. She enjoyed her coworkers and her bosses. She worked hard, but enjoyed it. She because very experienced in her field, and people wanted to work with her. She was better at what she did than most people I know, including me.

Not everyone enjoys all the same aspects we did. But everyone we know enjoyed at least some.

I find it sad when I hear of folks that got nothing more out of a week's worth of work than a paycheck.

After retirement, my wife decided she wanted to work part-time. She missed the social aspects. Because we are financially independent, she didn't make that choice for the money, so her possibilities were endless. She found a nice job in a small shop selling Italian kitchen and cooking goods, wines, cheeses, dips, etc. She did a bit of cooking and demonstrating, and handed out wine samples. She enjoyed that for several years, but had some physical problems being on her feet for full days.

She is now changing jobs. She will be working part-time for the nearby hospital. She won't have to be on her feet as much. But she's a caring kind of person, so I know she'll be happy helping patients again.

I don't miss work. I've found other things that take up all my time that I really enjoy. But I always tried to live my life so that I could enjoy every stage as much as possible. I never wanted to hate the current stage with only thoughts of the future to keep me going. For me, life is worth living every single day. I tried hard to make each of those days the best they could be. My career was lucrative. But I'll remember the other aspects of the work far more fondly than the paychecks.

We look back fondly on our careers. We regret none of it.
Last edited by JoeRetire on Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:59 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by catfish48084 »

Wow I certainly got more than I expected when I threw this post up. Too many great insights to respond to individually. Amazingly, very few regrets, and no serious financial consequences from having underestimated what it was going to take to make it without a paycheck. Probably no coincidence given the composition of contributors on this forum

And it's all reinforced my thinking that 12/31/2021 is looking like a good time for me to move on to that next phase of life. Fortunately and unfortunately, I married a woman 6 years younger who wants to work another 3 or 4 years, so I'll have a lot of solo time in the beginning. But I've actually got quite a few hobbies to keep my busy. No thought of working again - at least not yet.

That fishing boat ambition actually goes beyond fulfillment of my appetite to fish. I've had it in my head for a good while that some of my favorite people in this world - military veterans and police - don't typically have the financial resources to engage in the fishing I'll be able to, and a way for me to thank them for their service is by inviting them to join in the fishing. I think seeing the joy this would bring them could be one of the most personally rewarding things I've ever done. I've got a couple friends who can help with some initial contacts to get this ball rolling.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by SQRT »

TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 12:06 pm Now it seems people I know are scared to spend money because they are paying for the kids college or saving for retirement. Basically I am financially all dressed up with nowhere to go.
Looks like you could use some new friends? We met a whole new group of like minded people on themed travel trips. In our case it was biking trips to Europe. Similar interests and means. Met a great bunch on a trip to Puglia in 2010. Been travelling with them ever since adding people along the way. We now have anywhere from 12-16 great people willing to travel to almost anywhere.

We have another group who we met in a River Cruise up the Irrawaddy River in Myanmar in 2011. Been to Russia and India since with them. Antarctic cruise coming up. 8-12 in that group.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by TheTimeLord »

SQRT wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:49 pm
TheTimeLord wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 12:06 pm Now it seems people I know are scared to spend money because they are paying for the kids college or saving for retirement. Basically I am financially all dressed up with nowhere to go.
Looks like you could use some new friends? We met a whole new group of like minded people on themed travel trips. In our case it was biking trips to Europe. Similar interests and means. Met a great bunch on a trip to Puglia in 2010. Been travelling with them ever since adding people along the way.
That might be the case.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by JoeRetire »

Gabelli2020 wrote: Thu Apr 22, 2021 2:03 pmWhat else is there?
If it makes you and your wife happy, you need nothing else.
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Re: What Were Your Regrets after Retiring? (serious question)

Post by yosh99 »

I retired at 69 and wish I had retired earlier.
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