Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

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avenger
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by avenger »

ponyboy wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:37 pm
wfrobinette wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:24 pm
vtjon02 wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 11:44 am
hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pm Hi group,

I am turning 30 soon. When I was 22 and got my first job, I read a ton of what to do in my 20s that seems to have helped me a ton.
Some things that have helped:
- Maxed out my 401k every year. 401k is ~275k
- Travelled as much as I could. Visited 10 countries in Europe.
- Started an HSA and have performed megabackdoor roth (thanks employer) + backdoor. Roth IRA is ~200k
- Spouse and me Started 529. 529 is ~60k.
- Almost paid off our house. ~100k left.

I feel like I have achieved most of my financial goals in my 20s. The last 2 years have been a lot of frugal living. Partly self created and partly brought about due to birth of our first kid (which for example made it impossible to travel and go out to eat) and partly the covid situation.

I am currently heavily focussed on climbing the career ladder in my megacorp. I want to get to a principal engineer designation which very few people get to in my megacorp. For those happy in their early 40, what should one do in their 30s to avoid regrets in their 40s?

I have also tried to smell the roses a bit by often taking staycation breaks and learning to play an instrument to relax and spend time with my kid.
Sounds like you are crushing it. Keep doing what you are doing financially. With your excellent start, unless you want to retire very early you don't need to increase your savings much at all. So as your income increases you'll be able to spend those increases.

Enjoy your life, your family and keep this in mind. Above all, regrets suck. In many ways I wish I had done some things differently in my life.

I'm about to turn 40. My 20's and 30's were all about being smart. Career, training, savings, accomplishment, and accumulation. Financially and career wise my wife and I are well above the pack. We've amassed millions and are professionally well respected and sought out. We could retire now and live like kings forever. But we didn't have children because we didn't think we could stay on rocket ship pace and be good parents. Now when we see our friends and their families, the money in the investment accounts and our fancy job titles and perks don't mean as much.

My forties are going to be about figuring out what will make us happy and pursuing it. My best advice at any age is to try to avoid regrets.

Congrats on your success.
Don't go through life regretting never being a father. Adopt!
I couldnt disagree more with this...and this is from someone who has a kid on the way. Everyone is different. Not everyone wants a child in their life...and you know what, more power to them. Absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids.

Am I the only one who always found it strange when someone tells someone else they should be a father? Its so odd to me.
I find it odd. But people project their values and preferences on others all the time.
cheers ... -Mark | "Our life is frittered away with detail. Simplify. Simplify." -Henry David Thoreau | [VTI, VXUS, VWITX, SV fund]
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geerhardusvos
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by geerhardusvos »

vtjon02 wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 11:44 am
hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pm Hi group,

I am turning 30 soon. When I was 22 and got my first job, I read a ton of what to do in my 20s that seems to have helped me a ton.
Some things that have helped:
- Maxed out my 401k every year. 401k is ~275k
- Travelled as much as I could. Visited 10 countries in Europe.
- Started an HSA and have performed megabackdoor roth (thanks employer) + backdoor. Roth IRA is ~200k
- Spouse and me Started 529. 529 is ~60k.
- Almost paid off our house. ~100k left.

I feel like I have achieved most of my financial goals in my 20s. The last 2 years have been a lot of frugal living. Partly self created and partly brought about due to birth of our first kid (which for example made it impossible to travel and go out to eat) and partly the covid situation.

I am currently heavily focussed on climbing the career ladder in my megacorp. I want to get to a principal engineer designation which very few people get to in my megacorp. For those happy in their early 40, what should one do in their 30s to avoid regrets in their 40s?

I have also tried to smell the roses a bit by often taking staycation breaks and learning to play an instrument to relax and spend time with my kid.
Sounds like you are crushing it. Keep doing what you are doing financially. With your excellent start, unless you want to retire very early you don't need to increase your savings much at all. So as your income increases you'll be able to spend those increases.

Enjoy your life, your family and keep this in mind. Above all, regrets suck. In many ways I wish I had done some things differently in my life.

I'm about to turn 40. My 20's and 30's were all about being smart. Career, training, savings, accomplishment, and accumulation. Financially and career wise my wife and I are well above the pack. We've amassed millions and are professionally well respected and sought out. We could retire now and live like kings forever. But we didn't have children because we didn't think we could stay on rocket ship pace and be good parents. Now when we see our friends and their families, the money in the investment accounts and our fancy job titles and perks don't mean as much.

My forties are going to be about figuring out what will make us happy and pursuing it. My best advice at any age is to try to avoid regrets.

Congrats on your success.
Very interesting thoughts here and honesty. Appreciated that.

This thread has been great and helpful as a 30yo myself
VTSAX and chill
wfrobinette
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by wfrobinette »

windaar wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 7:03 am
hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pmI am currently heavily focussed on climbing the career ladder in my megacorp
I am 60. This is the singular thing that I have seen break up my friends' marriages and lead to misery, alcoholism, and even suicide.
It doesn't always ruin a marriage but I've seen it lead straight to misery and alcoholism.
sd323232
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by sd323232 »

you cant avoid regrets.

If you are gonna be frugal in your 30s, you will regret that you didnt spend much on yourself and didnt really enjoy your money.
If you are not gonna be frugal in your 30s, you will regret that you did not save enough money.

Cant win situation here.
BradJ
Posts: 448
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by BradJ »

Please don’t take this as cynicism or negativity, but nothing can change quicker than job “environment”. Your current boss leaves, and is replaced by a jerk, just an example. Please focus on your marriage first and foremost, children second and job third. If you are skilled in all things corporate, the promotions will come to you.

By the way, you are killing it at the game of life. Congratulations!
Pomegranate
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by Pomegranate »

hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pm Hi group,





I am currently heavily focussed on climbing the career ladder in my megacorp. I want to get to a principal engineer designation which very few people get to in my megacorp. For those happy in their early 40, what should one do in their 30s to avoid regrets in their 40s?

Live like it's your last year. Would you really care if your're a principal one or a senior one?
Time with family, travelling, having fun
wfrobinette
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Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2015 3:14 pm

Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by wfrobinette »

ponyboy wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:37 pm
wfrobinette wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:24 pm
vtjon02 wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 11:44 am
hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pm Hi group,

I am turning 30 soon. When I was 22 and got my first job, I read a ton of what to do in my 20s that seems to have helped me a ton.
Some things that have helped:
- Maxed out my 401k every year. 401k is ~275k
- Travelled as much as I could. Visited 10 countries in Europe.
- Started an HSA and have performed megabackdoor roth (thanks employer) + backdoor. Roth IRA is ~200k
- Spouse and me Started 529. 529 is ~60k.
- Almost paid off our house. ~100k left.

I feel like I have achieved most of my financial goals in my 20s. The last 2 years have been a lot of frugal living. Partly self created and partly brought about due to birth of our first kid (which for example made it impossible to travel and go out to eat) and partly the covid situation.

I am currently heavily focussed on climbing the career ladder in my megacorp. I want to get to a principal engineer designation which very few people get to in my megacorp. For those happy in their early 40, what should one do in their 30s to avoid regrets in their 40s?

I have also tried to smell the roses a bit by often taking staycation breaks and learning to play an instrument to relax and spend time with my kid.
Sounds like you are crushing it. Keep doing what you are doing financially. With your excellent start, unless you want to retire very early you don't need to increase your savings much at all. So as your income increases you'll be able to spend those increases.

Enjoy your life, your family and keep this in mind. Above all, regrets suck. In many ways I wish I had done some things differently in my life.

I'm about to turn 40. My 20's and 30's were all about being smart. Career, training, savings, accomplishment, and accumulation. Financially and career wise my wife and I are well above the pack. We've amassed millions and are professionally well respected and sought out. We could retire now and live like kings forever. But we didn't have children because we didn't think we could stay on rocket ship pace and be good parents. Now when we see our friends and their families, the money in the investment accounts and our fancy job titles and perks don't mean as much.

My forties are going to be about figuring out what will make us happy and pursuing it. My best advice at any age is to try to avoid regrets.

Congrats on your success.
Don't go through life regretting never being a father. Adopt!
I couldnt disagree more with this...and this is from someone who has a kid on the way. Everyone is different. Not everyone wants a child in their life...and you know what, more power to them. Absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids.

Am I the only one who always found it strange when someone tells someone else they should be a father? Its so odd to me.
PonyBoy!

Jesus dude! sounds like you have resentment about this subject.

This whole thread has been about regrets.

Did you read and digest his whole post?

"But we didn't have children because we didn't think we could stay on rocket ship pace and be good parents. Now when we see our friends and their families, the money in the investment accounts and our fancy job titles and perks don't mean as much."

To me that reads as they're possibly regretting not having kids. Ie that they are missing out on something. Hence, my reply.

I didn't tell him he would regret not being a father. I told him don't go through life regretting it. Those are two entirely different statements.
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gr7070
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by gr7070 »

wfrobinette wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:22 pm
avenger wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 11:46 am
gr7070 wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:41 pm
hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pm Spouse and me

birth of our first kid

career (notice I deleted ladder)
These are the only things of true substance you mentioned in your post.
Wrong.

Travel to 10 European countries? I’ll say that’s plenty of substance.
I think he bucketed that into the spouse and me category.
I wasn't going to bother clarifying - didn't want to pick nits, especially since I suspect we may have similar views on travel, but since it's also been commented I'll add a little.

Avenger didn't include the below in their quote.
gr7070 wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:41 pmNote all monetary items, all travel (which I appreciate and value even) etc. were deleted. None of that truly matters.
I intentionally removed travel from the things of "true substance" because travel doesn't truly matter in life.

While we enjoy it greatly and appreciate the experiences, education, perspectives, etc. It's just not that important to have a fulfilling life. It's not family, friends, health, maybe career, etc.

It's on a tier or more below those huge things. Sure one can argue which tier it belongs in and/or that all tiers matter to some degree in fulfillment.

One can go through life without traveling and not miss out on life itself. However, if one has chosen to have a spouse or kids and does not nurture those relationships they will have lost in life.

P.S. I'd also offer that if one is restricting their travels to Europe alone they're missing out on far greater travel experiences. Europe is wonderful, but the cultures are more similar to ours than many other parts of the world. Mix it up a little!

Non-European travel would hopefully have been incorporated long before country #11. Asia, Central/South America have amazing things to offer; and we're still looking forward to Africa and Australia+ some day.
Pomegranate
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by Pomegranate »

windaar wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 7:03 am
hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pmI am currently heavily focussed on climbing the career ladder in my megacorp
I am 60. This is the singular thing that I have seen break up my friends' marriages and lead to misery, alcoholism, and even suicide.
Can't agree more. I had 'title A' in one big corp and knew 5 folks 'title A+1'.
2 divorces, one political layoff and 1 late 30-s stroke. Good luck :sharebeer !
deltaneutral83
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by deltaneutral83 »

Being 30 and making enough to utilize a mega back door and knowing how to execute it give me the impression that money won't be an issue going forward for OP and other areas of interest are far more important like family and health. OP can easily "buy time" now to spend in these areas.
halfnine
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by halfnine »

HEDGEFUNDIE wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:23 pm
Grt2bOutdoors wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 11:53 am
HEDGEFUNDIE wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:37 pm Sounds like you should spend more money.
The best things in life cost very little money. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll learn to appreciate that the most important things in life aren't bought, sold or traded. Learn to separate work from your own personal life and be richer for it.
The most valuable thing in life is time, since it is finite.

Money buys time. That makes it the second most valuable thing.
Money can but time. But it is only valuable if you actually do it. Most people wait too late. I'd say time is most valuable when raising a family and after that during your 20s and 30s.
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2pedals
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by 2pedals »

Time is money, but money can’t buy time. You can use time to make more money but it does work well the other way around. You can't buy 5 more years if your time is up but it can change your lifestyle while you are alive. Everybody gets an unknown allotment of time in life. Use time wisely.
jimmy2040
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by jimmy2040 »

I did many things wrong but I did 3 things I don't regret.

1. Career change from one field to another. You can do this up to 35ish.
2. Started taking health seriously. I lost a lot of weight around 33 after picking up a sport hobby.
3. Travelled a lot for work. Went to Brazil 10x, Asia, Europe, etc. etc.
randomguy
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by randomguy »

2pedals wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 3:37 pm Time is money, but money can’t buy time. You can use time to make more money but it does work well the other way around. You can't buy 5 more years if your time is up but it can change your lifestyle while you are alive. Everybody gets an unknown allotment of time in life. Use time wisely.
You can't buy 5 more years. But you can buy 25 years of not spending 2000 hr/year in the office, 40 hours/year cutting grass, 50 hours scrubing toliets, 10 hours doing taxes and zillions of other places in your life. For most peoples complaints about not enough time, you can buy time.
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2pedals
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by 2pedals »

randomguy wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 4:26 pm
2pedals wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 3:37 pm Time is money, but money can’t buy time. You can use time to make more money but it does work well the other way around. You can't buy 5 more years if your time is up but it can change your lifestyle while you are alive. Everybody gets an unknown allotment of time in life. Use time wisely.
You can't buy 5 more years. But you can buy 25 years of not spending 2000 hr/year in the office, 40 hours/year cutting grass, 50 hours scrubing toliets, 10 hours doing taxes and zillions of other places in your life. For most peoples complaints about not enough time, you can buy time.
Mostly agree with you and I know many would say "you can buy time" but I just don't think this is really true. You can buy doing something different with your time that might be more pleasurable. You are not buying time, you are only buying something different to do with your time and you are still getting older. Your future time can result in more money if you choose to be enterprising, so in a way "that time is now money" and you are still getting older.
aj44
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by aj44 »

wfrobinette wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:20 pm
aj44 wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 1:12 am Don’t be afraid to leave your megacorp, I changed companies and tripled my income from 30 to 39. I wouldn’t have come close to that staying.

I turn 40 in a few months and like you have been thinking about goals for the next decade, during it I’ve also thought about when I set goals for my 30’s ten years ago at 29.

I nailed the financial goals and completely missed the family ones. My best advice there is to always have backup plans for even what you think can’t change, it helped me a lot.
It's a bit Ironic you are encouraging to not be afraid to leave mega corp to triple his salary. Then your last paragraph says you missed some of your goals by doing so. Would you take the same path again?
In my case one had no impact on the other, I didn’t miss the family goals because of the job, I missed it because of infertility.
expatFIRE
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by expatFIRE »

h82goslw wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 6:50 am
hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pm I am currently heavily focussed on climbing the career ladder in my megacorp. I want to get to a principal engineer designation which very few people get to in my megacorp.
So let’s say you get to that position....then what?
Agree. The biggest lie we tell ourselves is “I’ll be happy when.”

And then when we hit our goals we add more goal posts.
TheNightsToCome
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by TheNightsToCome »

jimmy2040 wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 3:52 pm I did many things wrong but I did 3 things I don't regret.

1. Career change from one field to another. You can do this up to 35ish.
2. Started taking health seriously. I lost a lot of weight around 33 after picking up a sport hobby.
3. Travelled a lot for work. Went to Brazil 10x, Asia, Europe, etc. etc.
"Career change from one field to another. You can do this up to 35ish."

I changed careers at 44, then changed back at 54. I may pursue another career after "retirement." You can do this at any age.
randomguy
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by randomguy »

2pedals wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 5:29 pm
randomguy wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 4:26 pm
2pedals wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 3:37 pm Time is money, but money can’t buy time. You can use time to make more money but it does work well the other way around. You can't buy 5 more years if your time is up but it can change your lifestyle while you are alive. Everybody gets an unknown allotment of time in life. Use time wisely.
You can't buy 5 more years. But you can buy 25 years of not spending 2000 hr/year in the office, 40 hours/year cutting grass, 50 hours scrubing toliets, 10 hours doing taxes and zillions of other places in your life. For most peoples complaints about not enough time, you can buy time.
Mostly agree with you and I know many would say "you can buy time" but I just don't think this is really true. You can buy doing something different with your time that might be more pleasurable. You are not buying time, you are only buying something different to do with your time and you are still getting older. Your future time can result in more money if you choose to be enterprising, so in a way "that time is now money" and you are still getting older.
As I said you aren't buying time. You are buying time not doing things you don't want to be doing. There are very few people who don't have anything in a year where they wouldn't want to cut out. They could buy the time they need to do what they want. They don't because they don't have the cash.
BanquetBeer
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by BanquetBeer »

Grt2bOutdoors wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 11:58 am The diet is good, but only if you do as you say above and that is to get regular exercise. Otherwise, all those extra empty calories from eating fat laden oils and foods will fall from your lips to your midsection/hips and stay there. The reason why the Mediterranean diet worked so well for those in Europe is because they spent 9 hours a day working in the fields, not sitting at a desk. If you are sitting at a desk, you will not be burning nearly as many calories as they did in the fields. Ask me how I know.
No matter what you eat, you have to eat less than what you burn. Setting that aside, you will be in a much better position if those calories you eat are healthy vs unhealthy.
A similar quantity of food from sugar and saturated fat may/likely will produce health issues not experienced from a diet with low saturated fats/low sugar.

My perspective is: if you spent your 20's setting up your finances and saving well (I did) then you can spend your 30's relaxing your savings to spend on time/activities with your kids (currently in process of this).

Younger kids want time with you but time staring into each others face can get boring. Spending money on books, pool, bike, play sets, camping/hiking - are not super expensive but you can get a lot of together time not only playing with them but bonding time to build/fix/maintain them (clarify (building play sets, putting together and maintaining our new above ground kiddy pool, adjusting and maintaining their new bike).

I think as we/they get older 10+ then I will look more into expensive items (including travel with airfare)
livingthedream17
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by livingthedream17 »

Anyone have any book recommendations related to this topic?
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ClevrChico
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by ClevrChico »

Enjoy spending time with your kids when they're young. It's cliche, but they grow up too fast. Their cuteness will be replaced by sass as they get older. :-) My goal was to always spend at least an hour every weekday evening doing something fun with them.

Working with kids leads to easy weight gain, as others mentioned. I started paying for it in my early 40's and had a wake-up call during an annual physical. Now I'm back down to almost college weight. Staying fit costs almost nothing.

I found corporate ladder climbing to be next to impossible, but YMMV. I job hopped to a good engineering job as an IC in my early 30's and have stuck with it. I let my taxable account do the back breaking work these days.

Good luck!
wfrobinette
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by wfrobinette »

ClevrChico wrote: Thu May 14, 2020 8:41 am Enjoy spending time with your kids when they're young. It's cliche, but they grow up too fast. Their cuteness will be replaced by sass as they get older. :-) My goal was to always spend at least an hour every weekday evening doing something fun with them.

Working with kids leads to easy weight gain, as others mentioned. I started paying for it in my early 40's and had a wake-up call during an annual physical. Now I'm back down to almost college weight. Staying fit costs almost nothing.
Staying fit costs time!
wfrobinette
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by wfrobinette »

avenger wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:52 pm
ponyboy wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:37 pm
wfrobinette wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:24 pm
vtjon02 wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 11:44 am
hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pm Hi group,

I am turning 30 soon. When I was 22 and got my first job, I read a ton of what to do in my 20s that seems to have helped me a ton.
Some things that have helped:
- Maxed out my 401k every year. 401k is ~275k
- Travelled as much as I could. Visited 10 countries in Europe.
- Started an HSA and have performed megabackdoor roth (thanks employer) + backdoor. Roth IRA is ~200k
- Spouse and me Started 529. 529 is ~60k.
- Almost paid off our house. ~100k left.

I feel like I have achieved most of my financial goals in my 20s. The last 2 years have been a lot of frugal living. Partly self created and partly brought about due to birth of our first kid (which for example made it impossible to travel and go out to eat) and partly the covid situation.

I am currently heavily focussed on climbing the career ladder in my megacorp. I want to get to a principal engineer designation which very few people get to in my megacorp. For those happy in their early 40, what should one do in their 30s to avoid regrets in their 40s?

I have also tried to smell the roses a bit by often taking staycation breaks and learning to play an instrument to relax and spend time with my kid.
Sounds like you are crushing it. Keep doing what you are doing financially. With your excellent start, unless you want to retire very early you don't need to increase your savings much at all. So as your income increases you'll be able to spend those increases.

Enjoy your life, your family and keep this in mind. Above all, regrets suck. In many ways I wish I had done some things differently in my life.

I'm about to turn 40. My 20's and 30's were all about being smart. Career, training, savings, accomplishment, and accumulation. Financially and career wise my wife and I are well above the pack. We've amassed millions and are professionally well respected and sought out. We could retire now and live like kings forever. But we didn't have children because we didn't think we could stay on rocket ship pace and be good parents. Now when we see our friends and their families, the money in the investment accounts and our fancy job titles and perks don't mean as much.

My forties are going to be about figuring out what will make us happy and pursuing it. My best advice at any age is to try to avoid regrets.

Congrats on your success.
Don't go through life regretting never being a father. Adopt!
I couldnt disagree more with this...and this is from someone who has a kid on the way. Everyone is different. Not everyone wants a child in their life...and you know what, more power to them. Absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids.

Am I the only one who always found it strange when someone tells someone else they should be a father? Its so odd to me.
I find it odd. But people project their values and preferences on others all the time.
Oh the irony. This whole forum is about projecting ones values and preferences.
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dziuniek
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by dziuniek »

It seems you're well on your way financially speaking.

If you/both of you like their jobs -keep going, if not, you can probably take easier jobs / relax a bit. (That would be my advice prior to the whole beer virus thing).

Any plans to retire early?

Any aspirations to own a big boat?

Any plans for for more kids?

Depending on your spending level - you might not have to save much outside of your company match, should you not want to retire really early. Well, no model is perfect, but take 4-8% return and model out your money at retirement age... You'll have a good idea of how much more you need to save annually.

More money = better, but recently I've been thinking how much we really will need. That's hard to model for so many years out - but I've come to realize that once kids are out of the house / college is paid for / house is paid off... - we really won't need that much.

For example, at 62 each we'd get most of our spending from social security / pension, etc...

Anything else will be gravy. Since you're well ahead of us and we're older, I wouldn't stress / obsess about money so much.

Unless of course you like to keep score :twisted:
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Stef
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by Stef »

2pedals wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 3:37 pm Time is money, but money can’t buy time. You can use time to make more money but it does work well the other way around. You can't buy 5 more years if your time is up but it can change your lifestyle while you are alive. Everybody gets an unknown allotment of time in life. Use time wisely.
Using money to retire early and spend more time with friends and family is IMO buying time.
rich126
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by rich126 »

I'll say what most people who are in their 50s+ realize.

1. Life goes too fast. I'm 57 and it felt like yesterday I started my first full time job and grew up with a bunch of guys several of which I'm close to even now. And sadly one of them, 58, passed away this month. Very preventable IMO (routine checkups are important, especially past 40 but look at the Orioles player who is 28 and was lucky to have a team physical and has stage 3 colon cancer that would have never been caught in time if he wasn't a player).
Looking back I think one reason life goes by so quickly is that most of us can't wait until the weekend so we basically blow through 5/7ths of the week and over a majority of the year just trying to live on the weekends. Try to do something mid week to enjoy that large part of life.

2. My mid-30s to early 40s were some of the best years of my life. I had some money saved up, I was single and could data almost any age, I was healthy and enjoying my job. Others are married and enjoying family life.

3. Try to find jobs that you like or aren't miserable. Money is important but happiness is more important. That fancy house doesn't give you happiness, but the people you are with, and what you do with it, does.

4. Money buys you possessions or freedom. Unless you are very wealthy you have to make choices. I don't waste money on expensive cars, jewelry but then I have it for a good vacation, go out for dinner anytime I want, etc.

5. Some things you can't control. Some people are just miserable with spending money. I worked with an engineer like that. I have all kinds of stories on that but that was him. I personally would never work long hours or give up my youth for extra money since there are no guarantees you'll be around to enjoy it or have good health to enjoy it.

6. Make friends. Being older and lonely is not pleasant. As can be seen with the virus right now, older folks stuck at home with no family, spouses, etc. to help (even dropping off stuff at the front door) are finding things unpleasant.

7. Try to not take things personally. Thinking you've won an argument or whatever isn't important in most cases. If you think you've said something wrong, go back and just say "I'm sorry I just lost it there." This took me way too long to learn.

8. And don't worry about the joneses. Don't try to compete with someone from high school, college, the neighbor next door, etc. It just doesn't matter. And often those people either got lucky with an inheritance or are living from paycheck to paycheck.

9. Enjoy the good times because life will eventually hit you over the head with a 2x4 and things will get unpleasant for a period of time, hopefully only a short period. Either sickness, death in the family, job loss, etc.

10. Try not to live based on other peoples' expectations. Stick true to what you believe but be open minded to adjust those beliefs. I've found that people either get more stubborn as they get older or get more open minded. Usually those in the latter group are much more pleasant.
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cashboy
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by cashboy »

Christine_NM wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 11:43 pm Don't expect to live without *any* regrets. Some are bound to creep in somewhere along the way. Be loving and forgiving.
+1

also be loving and forgiving to yourself when you make a mistake or bad choice; accept responsibility for it and learn from it without beating yourself up over it.

enjoy the 30s!

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JPM
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by JPM »

Things that worked out for me that began in my thirties;

#1; Marriage Encounter. DW and I did our intro to ME at 31 and formed a marriage study group with four other couples engaged in ME. The group is still continuing and active and has been since August 1980. Couples have come and gone and we have lost some to deaths in recent years. The current group has been together for 16 years. WeLearned that even the best marriages are not peaches and cream all the time and that bad times in marriage can be overcome and put behind you. The support and example of other couples in the group were valuable to everybody in it at one time or another. This is a marriage enrichment activity for good marriages and not a healing activity for bad ones. A long happy marriage to a terrific partner is the most enriching part of life. Not as many achieve it as you might think at 30.

#2; got a dog and walked or ran with him every day, whether 95 degrees or -25 degrees. Got the habit and kept it up for his whole life and later joined a gym/health club and resumed playing basketball. You gotta make exercise fun and not a chore or it doesn't work for long.

#3; scheduled time with each of my kids, one at a time on a designated night each week. If I was tired after a long or particularly stressful workday, I could psych myself up to fulfill that obligation to my family life. Started out just going out for an ice cream cone after dinner when they were little, and grew into hours long conversations by the time they were teenagers.

#4; Worked very hard to master the concepts, techniques, and knowledge in my professional field. Fortunately during those years I didn't need much sleep. For the business aspects, I made some good decisions and some bad ones like all people in business of any kind. Some of the bad ones worked out well anyway and some I thought were good at the time didn't work out.

#5; When I came out into practice, I joined the most honest decent partner I could find, not the best paying. Thruout a long career I have always worked with great people and that has a lot to do with my being happy working into my 70s. I would rather work with these people in the cold doing something useful and constructive together than play golf in Florida.
vladd
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by vladd »

I can give my own perspective who was in a similar situation as you when I was 30, and currently a principal engineer at Megacorp 7 years later

- make sure you maintain your social connections and prior work connections
- dedicate enough time for your family, especially while your kid is young. If you like it, have another kid (and another? Etc)
- even if you have a good work setup, at some point things could change dramatically (eg management above you could all change, project gets cancelled etc). Doesn't mean you need to change anything but don't get overly comfortable
- make sure you diversify your portfolio (as in don't hold on to too much Megacorp that they give you)
- think about your housing goals, and your long term goal. Do you imagine retiring by 40 and [do what?], work at Megacorp indefinitely because you like it, want to do your own startup some time, etc? Sticking around just because it is the status quo isn't the worst thing but you can be more intentional
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FOGU
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by FOGU »

hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pm But we didn't have children because we didn't think we could stay on rocket ship pace and be good parents. Now when we see our friends and their families, the money in the investment accounts and our fancy job titles and perks don't mean as much.
To the OP: Have more kids. One of the most common regrets people have in later life is not having more kids. People realize they could have easily handled more and wish they had. The window for doing so will close faster than you expect.
redrum
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by redrum »

hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pm Hi group,

I am turning 30 soon. When I was 22 and got my first job, I read a ton of what to do in my 20s that seems to have helped me a ton.
Some things that have helped:
- Maxed out my 401k every year. 401k is ~275k
- Travelled as much as I could. Visited 10 countries in Europe.
- Started an HSA and have performed megabackdoor roth (thanks employer) + backdoor. Roth IRA is ~200k
- Spouse and me Started 529. 529 is ~60k.
- Almost paid off our house. ~100k left.

I feel like I have achieved most of my financial goals in my 20s. The last 2 years have been a lot of frugal living. Partly self created and partly brought about due to birth of our first kid (which for example made it impossible to travel and go out to eat) and partly the covid situation.

I am currently heavily focussed on climbing the career ladder in my megacorp. I want to get to a principal engineer designation which very few people get to in my megacorp. For those happy in their early 40, what should one do in their 30s to avoid regrets in their 40s?

I have also tried to smell the roses a bit by often taking staycation breaks and learning to play an instrument to relax and spend time with my kid.
I'm only a few years older than you, and in somewhat similar shoes family and work wise.
Like you, I was also deeply focused on climbing the corporate ladder. I had worked on a bunch of successful projects, was promoted a few times and given a ton of responsibility. Consequently, I became more and more invested in work. One of my big projects turned out to a pretty major failure and my management chain quit for various reasons. It took me a long time to get over this hit to my career since there was also nobody to back me up.

Failures are fine, but I'd ignored life outside work for a long time and took a while for me to come to terms with this. Too much of my identity was tied up in what I did for a living.

Not suggesting you are the same, but it is good to maintain a healthy balance.
Olemiss540
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by Olemiss540 »

sd323232 wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 1:25 pm you cant avoid regrets.

If you are gonna be frugal in your 30s, you will regret that you didnt spend much on yourself and didnt really enjoy your money.
If you are not gonna be frugal in your 30s, you will regret that you did not save enough money.

Cant win situation here.
That's asinine. You can make a retirement goal, set realistic market return projections, calculate a required savings rate to achieve this goal, and then enjoy life with a reasonable balance between instant gratification and delayed gratification.

It's not a decision between being a miser or spendthrift, it's a decision of where to prioritize your money based on value/benefit per dollar which will create a balance and put you on a pretty good path to living without focusing on hindsight.
I hold index funds because I do not overestimate my ability to pick stocks OR stock pickers.
EddyB
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by EddyB »

wfrobinette wrote: Thu May 14, 2020 9:48 am
avenger wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:52 pm
ponyboy wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:37 pm
wfrobinette wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:24 pm
vtjon02 wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 11:44 am

Sounds like you are crushing it. Keep doing what you are doing financially. With your excellent start, unless you want to retire very early you don't need to increase your savings much at all. So as your income increases you'll be able to spend those increases.

Enjoy your life, your family and keep this in mind. Above all, regrets suck. In many ways I wish I had done some things differently in my life.

I'm about to turn 40. My 20's and 30's were all about being smart. Career, training, savings, accomplishment, and accumulation. Financially and career wise my wife and I are well above the pack. We've amassed millions and are professionally well respected and sought out. We could retire now and live like kings forever. But we didn't have children because we didn't think we could stay on rocket ship pace and be good parents. Now when we see our friends and their families, the money in the investment accounts and our fancy job titles and perks don't mean as much.

My forties are going to be about figuring out what will make us happy and pursuing it. My best advice at any age is to try to avoid regrets.

Congrats on your success.
Don't go through life regretting never being a father. Adopt!
I couldnt disagree more with this...and this is from someone who has a kid on the way. Everyone is different. Not everyone wants a child in their life...and you know what, more power to them. Absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids.

Am I the only one who always found it strange when someone tells someone else they should be a father? Its so odd to me.
I find it odd. But people project their values and preferences on others all the time.
Oh the irony. This whole forum is about projecting ones values and preferences.
And claiming projection when you had responded directly to something in vtjon’s post is also classic!
doob
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by doob »

gr7070 wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 1:38 pm
wfrobinette wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 12:22 pm
avenger wrote: Wed May 13, 2020 11:46 am
gr7070 wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:41 pm
hammond wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:32 pm Spouse and me

birth of our first kid

career (notice I deleted ladder)
These are the only things of true substance you mentioned in your post.
Wrong.

Travel to 10 European countries? I’ll say that’s plenty of substance.
I think he bucketed that into the spouse and me category.
I wasn't going to bother clarifying - didn't want to pick nits, especially since I suspect we may have similar views on travel, but since it's also been commented I'll add a little.

Avenger didn't include the below in their quote.
gr7070 wrote: Tue May 12, 2020 9:41 pmNote all monetary items, all travel (which I appreciate and value even) etc. were deleted. None of that truly matters.
I intentionally removed travel from the things of "true substance" because travel doesn't truly matter in life.

While we enjoy it greatly and appreciate the experiences, education, perspectives, etc. It's just not that important to have a fulfilling life. It's not family, friends, health, maybe career, etc.

It's on a tier or more below those huge things. Sure one can argue which tier it belongs in and/or that all tiers matter to some degree in fulfillment.

One can go through life without traveling and not miss out on life itself. However, if one has chosen to have a spouse or kids and does not nurture those relationships they will have lost in life.

P.S. I'd also offer that if one is restricting their travels to Europe alone they're missing out on far greater travel experiences. Europe is wonderful, but the cultures are more similar to ours than many other parts of the world. Mix it up a little!

Non-European travel would hopefully have been incorporated long before country #11. Asia, Central/South America have amazing things to offer; and we're still looking forward to Africa and Australia+ some day.
I think whether and how much travel matters will differ from person/couple to person/couple. For us, travel is so important that it is the currency of our "opportunity cost" in life. Everything we do is measured in this currency and weighed in terms of how much travel we may be missing out on. But this is so not because travel is the end in and of itself, but it is what makes us most happy. So much so that we decided not to have kids or pets because we wanted to travel. Of course, so long as our health cooperates. We have even talked about whether there will be any reason to live if we become handicapped since we will not be able to travel. We get anxious if several months go by without us having had to present our passports for border crossings. We do not expect others to value or view travel in this way. Just as you say that "[travel] is not that important to have a fulfilling life," our thinking is that "having kids, motherhood, fatherhood are not that important to have a fufilling life." The point is to not have regrets. We are 43/45 years old and with each passing year are happier with our travels and even happier that we do not have kids and that we took the decision to not have any. We do not expect others to approach life in this way, but we do expect them to not think that what they value in life is somehow the only way to think about things.

Our target at this point, health permitting, is to reach 100 countries by the time we are 50. We are currently at 65. Hopefully we and our 100-country project will survive the Covid-19 crisis.

I wholeheartedly agree with your last point - the world outside Europe has a lot to offer. We try to apply bogglehead principles to our travel: diversify and visit as many continents as possible for the best outcome. :beer
nerdymarketer
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by nerdymarketer »

I just wanted to say "Thank you" to everyone who chimed in on this thread. The comments on regrets never being about career and always being about family are particularly timely for me as I consider some career options in front of me.
Stephen_Crane
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by Stephen_Crane »

wfrobinette wrote: Thu May 14, 2020 8:57 am
ClevrChico wrote: Thu May 14, 2020 8:41 am Enjoy spending time with your kids when they're young. It's cliche, but they grow up too fast. Their cuteness will be replaced by sass as they get older. :-) My goal was to always spend at least an hour every weekday evening doing something fun with them.

Working with kids leads to easy weight gain, as others mentioned. I started paying for it in my early 40's and had a wake-up call during an annual physical. Now I'm back down to almost college weight. Staying fit costs almost nothing.
Staying fit costs time!
Doesn't cost time to eat less though. I always say, if you can't eat healthy, then at least eat less. Eat half of that Chinese takout. Drink one beer instead of two at happy hour. Don't order french fries with that burger.
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Cycle
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Re: Turning 30. Living 30s without regrets

Post by Cycle »

Don't ever go to one of those walkable European cities and definitely don't read any books on urbanism, like Jeff Specks walkable city, American cities will be ruined for you from that point forward.

It's like in the Matrix when the truth is revealed, but there is no blue pill to let you go on living in ignorant bliss.

I'm 36, prioritize time mostly. IC route can be a good route at megacorp. I'm a Principal now, may make Sr. Principal this year, but doesn't really matter if I don't. I plan to retire in early 40s, from megacorp anyways. Already at 2M, which goes a long way here in the Midwest. I would still work, but 40hrs is a bit much. Maybe I'd sell artisan pickles or honey at the farmers market, or put my Tig welding skill to work.
Never look back unless you are planning to go that way
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