Do you share your net worth with family members?

Non-investing personal finance issues including insurance, credit, real estate, taxes, employment and legal issues such as trusts and wills.
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Taz
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Taz »

No. I told my father we are in a position to help when needed so please let us and we do.
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renue74
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by renue74 »

No. Nothing good comes out of that.

My wife knows and my kids know that we are "safe."

This type of question is similar to the "do you give financial advice to friends and family," which I'm not sure I've ever seen a success story from that either.
Filetmerlot
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Filetmerlot »

Quercus Palustris wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 9:35 pm Just for a change of pace from the hidden wealth parents - my last year in high school, I peeked in my parent's checkbook ledger. I had more cash from working all summer at $6.50/hr (no expenses!) than they had in savings. Of course I suppose they had home equity, car, IRAs, but looking back we were typical "one car breakdown away from ruin" Americans.

It was fairly sobering - but I never talked to them about it (how would you start that conversation? "Mom, Dad, we're pretty poor, right?") but it did cement in my mind that once I moved out for college I wouldn't / couldn't ask them for financial help.

I did once ask my dad how he intended to pay off a 30-year refi, and he flat out told me he'd never live long enough to do it :|
Hmmm. If my kids looked at my checkbook they would probably come to the same conclusion. My checking account gets about 40% of my pay and then from that half to about 2/3 of that is redirected to other places the day it gets to the checking account. It rarely has more that $1000 in it. But that is all I need in the account at any given time.
I suppose they would have seen a six figure balance for a couple days between depositing the condo proceeds a few weeks ago and then it being transferred out within a day or two.

Obviously you knew your family situation pretty well and seeing the checkbook may have been the final confirmation that you needed, but from that one arbitrary data point I don't see how one could make that conclusion.
bhsince87
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by bhsince87 »

politely wrote: Tue Jul 02, 2019 2:13 am I've shared financial information with my parents. When they've asked, I couldn't lie to them or shrug them off. They've been very clear about their finances with me and they have been open and responsible about estate planning and the future, so I feel that I owe them the same. As I am their primary helper in financial planning, I feel they should know my situation so they can make decisions accordingly.

In a similar vein, I've given some general information to each of my kids, when I thought they were mature enough. I think it's important to be honest with them, and in my view, part and parcel in future estate planning and general expectations (eg, college possibilities). Also, it was a way to discuss with them why I wouldn't fill out their applications for city/state jobs (which for some reason require parents' financial disclosure), why I wasn't going to fill out the FAFSA, and why financial information should be kept close to the vest. And in this modern age, they can use the internet to get pretty good estimates about a lot of things, and to find out if you're not being truthful. They can also see the differences with their friends and classmates.

While my wife and I haven't discussed with our siblings, we don't try to hide that we are doing well. We are ok taking the financial lead on financial matters and in family projects. We have a general understanding of their positions, like they probably have of us, and we understand that we are somewhat expected to take the lead, and we are fine with that.
Same here. It's hard for me to imagine how some folks have such a poor relationship with their parents, siblings, or adult children, that they feel they can't safely share such information with them.

Don't get me wrong. I understand such situations exist. But that must suck.
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financier3726
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by financier3726 »

No. It breeds jealousy or contempt. I would especially not share that information with my second wife, since that's really all she cares about, sadly.
balbrec2
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by balbrec2 »

Spouse only!
That being said, I am clearly the most well off in my family. It shows due to real estate.
The part they don't see and never will, are my and my wife's financial holdings.
There is no good that can come from sharing this information. Our one grown son has an inkling but will only
find out our true net worth after our passing, barring some dire situation that makes it
become necessary for him to know details. My brother and parents will never know.
It's nobody's business but my own.
hudson
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by hudson »

Sandtrap wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:46 am
student wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 5:08 am
Sandtrap wrote: Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:23 pm IE: in my case, someone needs to live for "free" in one of my vacant units, until they get "back on their feet. :shock: Or, needs a "job" because they are coming out of rehab or whatever and so I should put them on my maintenance staff and pay them cash, until they "get back on their feet". :shock: There are no shortages of opportunists. :shock:
How did you deal with these requests?
Case by case.
Very very awkward.
Difficult to get out of it once saying yes.
IE: Rock and a hard place. (benevolent vs. . . . doormat . . vs . . )
j :happy
I agree....I learned that no good deed goes unpunished. With exceptions, adults need to find their own way...no enabling. I've been there; I got the t-shirt.

Back to the main discussion: I do not or will not share my net worth(I don't plan on calculating it)....but I will make sure that the following doesn't happen to me.
I had older family members...born in the early 20s that I thought lived on social security...I never asked. Many times, I was the go to person for problems with vehicles or their residence. Many times I took care of the problem because of my mistaken assumption. Much later after they passed, I learned that they weren't wealthy, but they could have covered everything without a problem. The amounts that I took care of weren't major amounts, so no big problem. I will just make sure that anyone that helps me in my old age allows me to cover the entire bill.
I won't disclose anything except to say, "I want to pay the entire bill; I can handle it without a problem."
Last edited by hudson on Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Sandtrap
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Sandtrap »

hudson wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 7:23 am
Sandtrap wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 7:46 am
student wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 5:08 am
Sandtrap wrote: Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:23 pm IE: in my case, someone needs to live for "free" in one of my vacant units, until they get "back on their feet. :shock: Or, needs a "job" because they are coming out of rehab or whatever and so I should put them on my maintenance staff and pay them cash, until they "get back on their feet". :shock: There are no shortages of opportunists. :shock:
How did you deal with these requests?
Case by case.
Very very awkward.
Difficult to get out of it once saying yes.
IE: Rock and a hard place. (benevolent vs. . . . doormat . . vs . . )
j :happy
I agree....I learned that no good deed goes unpunished. With exceptions, adults need to find their own way...no enabling. I've been there; I got the t-shirt.

Back to the main discussion: I do not or will not share my net worth....but I will make sure that the following doesn't happen to me.
I had older family members...born in the early 20s that I thought lived on social security...I never asked. Many times, I was the go to person for problems with vehicles or their residence. Many times I took care of the problem because of my mistaken assumption. Much later after they passed, I learned that they weren't wealthy, but they could have covered everything without a problem. The amounts that I took care of weren't major amounts, so no big problem. I will just make sure that anyone that helps me in my old age allows me to cover the entire bill.
I won't disclose anything except to say, "I want to pay the entire bill; I can handle it without a problem."
Here's one:
I sent some of my crew and sometimes myself to fix odd jobs for a relative who had some old run down rental units. He always had a beat up undershirt and torn jeans. Said everything was too expensive. So, I did not charge him. Years later I found out he owned "all of the apartment buildings on the street"!!!! Boy. Did I feel like a sucker.
j
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balbrec2
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by balbrec2 »

onourway wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 6:00 am
scottinmet wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 5:55 am
My one concern is my children and the FAFSA application. I don't want them to know how much I have but the FAFSA application wants everything spelled out, down to the amount you have in your 401k. To me that's a big problem because they are the last ones I want to know what my net worth is and unfortunately they would have access to all that information.
My kids are still a decade away from college, but everything I read here indicates that if you are doing reasonably well by the standards of this board, filling out the FAFSA is a waste of time.
If your kids were to ever become eligible for any financial aid including scholarships
or work study, you would still need the FAFSA.
Also for any loans they might need. Unless you were thinking of paying the whole thing yourself in
which case, never mind
delamer
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by delamer »

balbrec2 wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 11:35 am
onourway wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 6:00 am
scottinmet wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 5:55 am
My one concern is my children and the FAFSA application. I don't want them to know how much I have but the FAFSA application wants everything spelled out, down to the amount you have in your 401k. To me that's a big problem because they are the last ones I want to know what my net worth is and unfortunately they would have access to all that information.
My kids are still a decade away from college, but everything I read here indicates that if you are doing reasonably well by the standards of this board, filling out the FAFSA is a waste of time.
If your kids were to ever become eligible for any financial aid including scholarships
or work study, you would still need the FAFSA.
Also for any loans they might need. Unless you were thinking of paying the whole thing yourself in
which case, never mind
Not all scholarships require that the FAFSA (or CSS) be filled out.

One of my kids received two, from different schools, without us supplying any financial information.
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alpenglow
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by alpenglow »

100% absolutely no. My in-laws would all be over with their hands out. Same with friends. The only people that know are Internet strangers.
retire2022
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by retire2022 »

I think for those who don't desire to tell family members should be aware, social media, financial and marketing companies have lots of your personal data as well as your the local county government has public records of what was paid for your home. That is freely and readily available in this open society, it is naive and a Luddite to think this information could be hidden from even your family member, whether the data is accurate or not is another story.

I think outside of this forum, most Americans are in denial, and are antithesis of the Bogleway, is really the problem, by not discussing personal finance as an educational tool, we are indirectly perpetuating this problem, my 2 cents.
Thesaints
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Thesaints »

Do you share your net worth with family members?
My parents don't believe me.
My wife is not interested and she's not interested in her own NW either.

It drives me crazy...
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Sheepdog
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Sheepdog »

Yes, my two sons know everything about our finances, where they are located, which one gets what, etc. in our wills. They are fine with that. They didn't know though until I was about 70.

However, we don't know their net worth. That's not fair!! :wink:
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Matahari
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Matahari »

retire2022 wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:00 pm ...the local county government has public records of what was paid for your home.
Many taxing jurisdictions have property rolls that can be searched online, which provides at least one data point. Typing anyone's address into a Google search results in Zillow's and others' estimated market values. I agree that this information is readily available. In fact, I was researching the history of values of houses we've either lived in or are familiar with so that I could give a member of extended family some idea of appreciation in the past 15+ years in our community in order to help with a decision about where to purchase a house. Quite by accident, I also discovered that our county clerk's office has uploaded property records since 1974 so that they are available online, so now anyone can easily see the actual deeds and other instruments if they are so inclined. No need for a trip to the local county records.
986racer
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by 986racer »

I wish my parents shared with me earlier. I could have suggested ideas like delaying SS and using those low income years to do Roth conversions.

I think there are a few items like that where it is helpful to know a ballpark net worth to make/receive suggestions
frugalecon
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by frugalecon »

No one has ever directly asked, and I have never volunteered. My mother once observed that I am surely a millionaire, which I didn’t deny, so that at least set a lower bound. My father rejected my investment approach, and it really would have bummed him out to know that my net worth was multiples of his, but he lost interest in finances as he descended into dementia, so the subject didn’t really percolate to the top. My siblings have never asked. I signaled that I was open to sharing my Bogleheadish investment philosophy, and one asked me for advice, but she disregarded it. She and her husband earn a lot more than my family unit, live in a much cheaper place, and have much lower net worth, by my estimation. But they and the rest of my family won’t starve in retirement, so I figure it isn’t my business. (In the meantime, they are enjoying BMWs and Rolexes, so maybe I’m the fool.)
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JoeRetire
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by JoeRetire »

mediahound wrote: Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm How about if they ask? Would you tell them?
Yes, if they ask.
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IngognitoUSA
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by IngognitoUSA »

Net worth envy - untreatable condition called Networthtities.
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quantAndHold
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by quantAndHold »

My side of the family, yes, we share. Financial planning has been the family hobby since I was a kid, so we all talk about money and investing a lot. It probably helps that we’re all in roughly the same shape financially.

My wife’s family, no way. That side of the family generally has a different relationship with money than we do, and we’d rather not get into it with them. We live pretty simply, so I’m sure they thought we were less well off financially than we are...right up until the day I retired at 52, and we started traveling for several months every year. Wife’s brother has always had the big house and the life with a lot of shiny stuff...and is still working to pay for it at age 77.
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FIREchief
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by FIREchief »

bltn wrote: Tue Jul 02, 2019 4:22 am My children will learn more in the future as they prepare to be family executor.
Are you planning to have more than one child serve as executor? :confused
I am not a lawyer, accountant or financial advisor. Any advice or suggestions that I may provide shall be considered for entertainment purposes only.
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FIREchief
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by FIREchief »

bhsince87 wrote: Tue Jul 02, 2019 9:30 pm Same here. It's hard for me to imagine how some folks have such a poor relationship with their parents, siblings, or adult children, that they feel they can't safely share such information with them.
I believe in many cases the concern is that sharing of financial information would lead to worsening relationships. Humans struggle with pride, envy, greed, jealousy, etc. in varying degrees. Even in the "nicest" families, nobody is immune.
I am not a lawyer, accountant or financial advisor. Any advice or suggestions that I may provide shall be considered for entertainment purposes only.
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FIREchief
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by FIREchief »

Thesaints wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:04 pm
Do you share your net worth with family members?
My parents don't believe me.
My wife is not interested and she's not interested in her own NW either.

It drives me crazy...
LOL. You do introduce another very real variable to this discussion. Many of the people "sharing" out there are lying, exaggerating or just plain have no idea of what they are "worth." Others are throwing out made up numbers as bait to see what they can learn in return. If cousin Lenny tells everybody at the family reunion that he has $10M, but doesn't hand out account statements, it very well may be just a bunch of BS.
Last edited by FIREchief on Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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FIREchief
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by FIREchief »

Matahari wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:25 pm
retire2022 wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:00 pm ...the local county government has public records of what was paid for your home.
Many taxing jurisdictions have property rolls that can be searched online, which provides at least one data point. Typing anyone's address into a Google search results in Zillow's and others' estimated market values. I agree that this information is readily available.
Knowing what somebody paid for a house tells very little about their net worth. In my case (renter), somebody can see what my last house sold for, but they don't know if it was owned free and clear or mortgaged to the hilt. Hopefully, they'll conclude that I had to sell because I simply could no longer afford it. :twisted:
I am not a lawyer, accountant or financial advisor. Any advice or suggestions that I may provide shall be considered for entertainment purposes only.
Traveler
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Traveler »

I'm fairly open with my brother (only sibling) and my mom (dad is passed), but I only mention it if it comes up in conversation related to retirement, taxes, social security, other financial topics, etc. My 84 year old mom is fine financially and while my brother doesn't seem to have much in the way of savings, he will have several good pensions to draw on in retirement and will probably have a higher income than me at that point.
Ivygirl
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Ivygirl »

FIREchief wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:32 pm
bhsince87 wrote: Tue Jul 02, 2019 9:30 pm Same here. It's hard for me to imagine how some folks have such a poor relationship with their parents, siblings, or adult children, that they feel they can't safely share such information with them.
I believe in many cases the concern is that sharing of financial information would lead to worsening relationships. Humans struggle with pride, envy, greed, jealousy, etc. in varying degrees. Even in the "nicest" families, nobody is immune.
I will share my own experience with this, which might help somebody else. I have a much-loved sibling who is failing at life in several areas but most notably in personal finances. She has been living above her means all her life through a variety of methods that are all beginning to stop working as she is now in her late 50s and no longer quite so cute or fascinating. She was getting progressively more grabby, angry, and desperate to the point where she admitted visualizing the deaths of relatives and picking which ones she could most easily do without in order to increase a future possible inheritance. She has a key to my house. She is the beneficiary on my accounts.

I lay awake several nights re-rerunning old "Columbo" episodes in my brain and wondering if I needed to change my locks, because the iron-hard entitlement of her talking was really frightening. But I made the decision that I was not going to live in fear of my own family or cut her off either.

I gave her two books. One was "What Color Is Your Parachute" (a common book of many editions for finding the right work to suit you) and the other was "55, Underemployed, and Faking It" by Elizabeth White. The second book, in particular, I recommend if anyone has a family member who is aging badly and keeps grabbing on to what they cannot keep. It is written at a high level by a very intelligent woman about how the Boomers managed to get themselves into such a parlous state of retirement unreadiness. It is sensible, unsparing, sympathetic, and inspirational; it is about how to live a good life while aging and knowing that one will be poor. It reminded me of the budgeting guide "All Your Worth" by Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi in that respect: high-level analysis coupled with down-to-earth practical advice.

I think this has worked. She called me up to tell me all about how the people in that book were nothing like herself. Plainly she was fascinated by it and read the whole thing, and I think Ms. White's stories and case studies have gotten through to her in a way no talking would have. I think she needed to see that other people have been in her situation and some handled it with grace and success.

I probably will not change my locks now. :shock:

Very little of personal finance is about math I find.
student
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by student »

Ivygirl wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 7:28 pm I gave her two books. One was "What Color Is Your Parachute" (a common book of many editions for finding the right work to suit you) and the other was "55, Underemployed, and Faking It" by Elizabeth White. The second book, in particular, I recommend if anyone has a family member who is aging badly and keeps grabbing on to what they cannot keep. It is written at a high level by a very intelligent woman about how the Boomers managed to get themselves into such a parlous state of retirement unreadiness. It is sensible, unsparing, sympathetic, and inspirational; it is about how to live a good life while aging and knowing that one will be poor. It reminded me of the budgeting guide "All Your Worth" by Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi in that respect: high-level
I remember seeing her on pbs. https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/55-un ... y-scraping
7eight9
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by 7eight9 »

Absolutely not. And I don't know theirs. It is one of those subjects that shouldn't be talked about.

There is a word for people who talk about money - déclassé.

On this forum it is anonymous. Among family and friends? Just wrong.
Last edited by 7eight9 on Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Glasgow
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Glasgow »

No, but our relatives have an idea our net worth. Here's why:
1. House price: they know where we live. Punch in house address on Zillow.com and they'll be able to figure out how much I bought it for and how much it now. If they want more detail, they'd presume 20% down payment and the interest rate back then on the amount of loan. After X years of chipping off principles from amortized table, they'd guest how much we now owe, so the equity.
2. Double income at known companies in Silicon Valley. They know how much we pay for property tax (again Zillow), guest on expenses, and figure out rough salaries based on our job title - Go to glassdoor.com and they can find out.
3. Cars we drive and vacations.

With some arithmetics, they can come up with some ballpark numbers.

Fundamental lesson I've learned: people hates anyone superior to them in ANYTHING ranging from words by giving unsolicited advice to kids graduations in better school to financial, etc. Worst is humiliation at work place, humiliated co-workers will undermine humiliator until he loses his job and becomes their enemy for life; the battle winner might lose the war some day.
Again, people are happy when they're or feel superior to others. That's why people find teaching, mentoring, giving, volunteering in underdeveloped countries, etc. "motivated." In addition, we've seen countless books and seminars teaching buyers becoming "leaders" (who are made, not born). So, be selective when showing the superiority. With that in mind, reading Dale Carnagie's How to Win Friends while jogging our experiences dealing with folks daily would open our eyes. From then on, your life will be less stressful.
Ivygirl
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Ivygirl »

It isn't necessary to share one's net worth with family members, but it is necessary to be open and loving whenever possible.

I shared with my sister my Plan of Life, which was just jotted down on paper: my Transportation Plan (keep current paid-off car until 2023, then buy a used car with cash); Housing Plan (pay extra on mortgage until 2022, then reassess if this house continues to meet my needs); Personal Plan (begin to volunteer at a food bank and live my values without being held back by timidity or old habits; learn to play the piano well and speak Spanish); and so on. Only one part of many was the personal finance plan, and it did not contain numbers but habits I wanted to continue or begin. And she had not thought about it very much but began to hesitatingly express some of her ideas to me, when she never before planned anything or thought about what she really wanted from life.

I feel that this helped us share our lives, which is the important thing, and de-emphasizes money.
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Sandtrap
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Sandtrap »

I've always driven a pickup truck and dressed very casually.
DW and I are frugal.
Yet, folks will always think what they will, especially regarding "net worth".

A long time ago, a fellow at a private golf club that played in our senior group "figured out on his own", that I was worth about 40 million. :shock:
He spread that around as he was prone to social groups, gossip and "feather puffing".
I corrected nobody.
No sense in it.

Several years ago, a distant neighbor acquaintance fellow, "figured out on his own", that I'm worth somewhere between 20-30 million. :shock:
He spread that around as he and his spouse were prone to social groups and gossip and "feather puffing".
I see no need to correct them either.
No sense in it.

Actionably: if anyone I know or a family member were to ask about "Bogle Basics", I'd be glad to share that with them.
But, so far, nobody has.

j :happy
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student
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by student »

Sandtrap wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:41 pm I've always driven a pickup truck and dressed very casually.
DW and I are frugal.
Yet, folks will always think what they will, especially regarding "net worth".

A long time ago, a fellow at a private golf club that played in our senior group "figured out on his own", that I was worth about 40 million. :shock:
He spread that around as he was prone to social groups, gossip and "feather puffing".
I corrected nobody.
No sense in it.

Several years ago, a distant neighbor acquaintance fellow, "figured out on his own", that I'm worth somewhere between 20-30 million. :shock:
He spread that around as he and his spouse were prone to social groups and gossip and "feather puffing".
I see no need to correct them either.
No sense in it.

Actionably: if anyone I know or a family member were to ask about "Bogle Basics", I'd be glad to share that with them.
But, so far, nobody has.

j :happy
Based on your postings, I figure out on my own that you are worth 50 million. :wink:
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Sandtrap
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Sandtrap »

student wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:44 pm
Sandtrap wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:41 pm I've always driven a pickup truck and dressed very casually.
DW and I are frugal.
Yet, folks will always think what they will, especially regarding "net worth".

A long time ago, a fellow at a private golf club that played in our senior group "figured out on his own", that I was worth about 40 million. :shock:
He spread that around as he was prone to social groups, gossip and "feather puffing".
I corrected nobody.
No sense in it.

Several years ago, a distant neighbor acquaintance fellow, "figured out on his own", that I'm worth somewhere between 20-30 million. :shock:
He spread that around as he and his spouse were prone to social groups and gossip and "feather puffing".
I see no need to correct them either.
No sense in it.

Actionably: if anyone I know or a family member were to ask about "Bogle Basics", I'd be glad to share that with them.
But, so far, nobody has.

j :happy
Based on your postings, I figure out on my own that you are worth 50 million. :wink:
Don't tell anybody. . . .especially my wife . :shock:
j
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stoptothink
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by stoptothink »

Sandtrap wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:41 pm I've always driven a pickup truck and dressed very casually.
DW and I are frugal.
Yet, folks will always think what they will, especially regarding "net worth".

A long time ago, a fellow at a private golf club that played in our senior group "figured out on his own", that I was worth about 40 million. :shock:
He spread that around as he was prone to social groups, gossip and "feather puffing".
I corrected nobody.
No sense in it.

Several years ago, a distant neighbor acquaintance fellow, "figured out on his own", that I'm worth somewhere between 20-30 million. :shock:
He spread that around as he and his spouse were prone to social groups and gossip and "feather puffing".
I see no need to correct them either.
No sense in it.

Actionably: if anyone I know or a family member were to ask about "Bogle Basics", I'd be glad to share that with them.
But, so far, nobody has.

j :happy
I have an aunt who backstabbed her way to a 7-figure inheritance, which left her 6 siblings (including my mother) with nothing. That same aunt lives all of ~3 miles from me. When I moved back to Utah we went to the same gym and I would see her every morning. I am not fond of her (I am one of the only members of the family that will even acknowledge her), but I treat her with respect. She knows that I am educated, have a good job, and I frugal, but that is about the extent of it. I think my mother at some point told her that I "invested". This aunt began telling all her gym friends that I was her millionaire nephew and they should ask me about investing. So, I'd random strangers walk up to me during my workout and ask me about how I made my money. It got so annoying that I switched up the time I went to the gym.
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Sandtrap
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Sandtrap »

stoptothink wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:48 pm
Sandtrap wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:41 pm I've always driven a pickup truck and dressed very casually.
DW and I are frugal.
Yet, folks will always think what they will, especially regarding "net worth".

A long time ago, a fellow at a private golf club that played in our senior group "figured out on his own", that I was worth about 40 million. :shock:
He spread that around as he was prone to social groups, gossip and "feather puffing".
I corrected nobody.
No sense in it.

Several years ago, a distant neighbor acquaintance fellow, "figured out on his own", that I'm worth somewhere between 20-30 million. :shock:
He spread that around as he and his spouse were prone to social groups and gossip and "feather puffing".
I see no need to correct them either.
No sense in it.

Actionably: if anyone I know or a family member were to ask about "Bogle Basics", I'd be glad to share that with them.
But, so far, nobody has.

j :happy
I have an aunt who backstabbed her way to a 7-figure inheritance, which left her 6 siblings (including my mother) with nothing. That same aunt lives all of ~3 miles from me. When I moved back to Utah we went to the same gym and I would see her every morning. I am not fond of her (I am one of the only members of the family that will even acknowledge her), but I treat her with respect. She knows that I am educated, have a good job, and I frugal, but that is about the extent of it. I think my mother at some point told her that I "invested". This aunt began telling all her gym friends that I was her millionaire nephew and they should ask me about investing. So, I'd random strangers walk up to me during my workout and ask me about how I made my money. It got so annoying that I switched up the time I went to the gym.
Off topic just for a moment.
I know a few of these myself. Unfortunately. Such is human nature.

Thus, the "how to manage a windfall" in the Wiki and discussions is priceless to prevent this sort of thing.
Not disclosing net worth is a lst step.

j
Wiki Bogleheads Wiki: Everything You Need to Know
delamer
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by delamer »

Does anyone remember the economic stimulus in 2008 under which eligible taxpayers received rebates of up to $1200 per family?

Qualification was income based and we were making too much to be eligible.

I had one co-worker and one neighbor ask me what we were planning to do with our rebate funds. I replied to both “we aren’t eligible for the rebates” and I still remember the shock on their faces. (I wish I’d been a little quicker on the uptake and said “we haven’t decided yet” especially the 2nd time it came up. :shock:)

Any inclination I had to share financial information was completely gone after those conversation. I was really uncomfortable.

It was particularly interesting with the neighbor, because she told me that they had recently received a cash gift from her wealthy in-laws of nearly $100K. Yet they were the people getting the tax rebate.

But I bit my tongue. Life is interesting sometimes.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
tesuzuki2002
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by tesuzuki2002 »

I let my mom know last year that her youngest now had a NW that surpassed $1 million.

She said she was proud that I was able to create such financial stability at my age (36).
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by tesuzuki2002 »

mediahound wrote: Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:12 pm
bligh wrote: Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:09 pm In my case, I did share with my dad that my net worth was above a particular amount. Basically the exact personal milestone example you mentioned. However, there were no details in there and the conversation (In response to his asking) occurred long after I had actually crossed the milestone itself. So it was just a vague “Don’t worry dad, I am doing okay.” type of conversation.

I don’t share or discuss my net worth or my income with anyone else including siblings. I do not see any point or benefit in doing so. It really is none of their business in my opinion. If it were to become their business then, sure I would tell them.
Thanks. Yeah, I really want to avoid family members using a sort of:

'sheesh, you can afford it! Don't be so greedy' type attitude with me.
I love it when people pull that BS on me. I can afford a lot. And in most cases of family members I could afford to buy their house with cash out from under them...

but just because I can... does not mean I want to!!

The beauty of all of my money is that it is mine... it serves a purpose to feed my kids and how ever I chose to give / spend it...
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by tesuzuki2002 »

student wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 5:17 am
22twain wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 3:40 am Or a government employee whose salary is public record...
I teach at a public university so people can find out my salary. But of courses, professors, in general, are not well paid, so no issue there.
I was really surprised when I discovered how my some of my professors were making... it was 5-7x higher than I assumed they were making. They were very well paid.
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Pete12
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Pete12 »

mediahound wrote: Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm Would you share your net worth with family members?

Mainly I'm wondering about sharing personal milestones such as one's portfolio reaching one million (as an example) with your parents and siblings.

How about if they ask? Would you tell them?

Just looking for people's thoughts on this.
No.
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by tesuzuki2002 »

stoptothink wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:33 pm
JediMisty wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 11:31 am I already am expected to treat meals and entertainment when visiting (my best) friends and family. If they knew I have "X" net worth, it would definitely be worse.
This is the very obvious downside in dealing with my wife's family. Having no clue whatsoever what we are worth they already make comments like "why would we save, when you and husband (me) are going to buy an entire compound for the family" (made by SIL at a family camping trip 3wks ago). Similarly, we stopped doing activities with them because they'd invite us and then expect us to pay for the entire extended family when we got there. They've also asked us to take a day off work to help them move, and then we showed up, not only did we have to do the entire thing ourselves but they asked us to pay for the moving truck. Her parents have already made it very clear that their "retirement plan" is living with us, and they've already lived with us several times (off-and-on, out of necessity) in the last 6yrs.

Lovely people otherwise - really, I don't mind that it is set in stone that in-laws will be living with us out of necessity when they can no longer work - but I could only imagine the sense of entitlement if they knew what we actually had (and we are far from wealthy).

Thankfully, my family is completely different; very independent, but they're also a lot less pleasant to be around overall.


I'd squash that crap right in the ground!!! Enabling them is only hurting them. I would much rather give all of that away with their knowledge than to enable to them to be poor people. Looks bad on them and their family as a whole.
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by Minty »

onourway wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 6:00 am
scottinmet wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 5:55 am
My one concern is my children and the FAFSA application. I don't want them to know how much I have but the FAFSA application wants everything spelled out, down to the amount you have in your 401k. To me that's a big problem because they are the last ones I want to know what my net worth is and unfortunately they would have access to all that information.
My kids are still a decade away from college, but everything I read here indicates that if you are doing reasonably well by the standards of this board, filling out the FAFSA is a waste of time.
As a datapoint in case it is helpful, our household income is close to $400k and nw is closer to $3m than $2m but with two kids in ultra high cost schools simultaneously, we got $20k in grant aid for next year plus subsidized loans. Glad to have filled out FAFSA (and CSS) though we would have and could have paid sticker.
Core Four w/ nominal bonds & TIPS. Refi Rampage: Purchase: 3.875% 30 -> R1 3% 20 -> R2 2.375% 15 -> R3 1.99% 15 -> R4 1.875% 15
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TxAg
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by TxAg »

My mom, brother, and a few close friends know. We are all close, and I trust them. Most, if not all, are doing better than us or very close. We share less with my wife's side of the family although we do discuss financial strategies.
student
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by student »

tesuzuki2002 wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 9:25 pm
student wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 5:17 am
22twain wrote: Mon Jul 01, 2019 3:40 am Or a government employee whose salary is public record...
I teach at a public university so people can find out my salary. But of courses, professors, in general, are not well paid, so no issue there.
I was really surprised when I discovered how my some of my professors were making... it was 5-7x higher than I assumed they were making. They were very well paid.
5-7x higher that you have assumed. Maybe at MIT. Most are not as well paid. Here is a comprehensive data set. https://www.insidehighered.com/aaup-compensation-survey

Take the University of Idaho, a doctoral institution, for 2018-2019, the average salary of full professors is $95,900, the average salary of associate professors is $73,200 and the average salary of assistant professors is $62,800. These are averages across all disciplines, so a beginning assistant professor in history will likely be a few thousand dollars less than $62,800. I think this is hardly very well paid.
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by retire2022 »

student wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:02 pm
Take the University of Idaho, a doctoral institution, for 2018-2019, the average salary of full professors is $95,900, the average salary of associate professors is $73,200 and the average salary of assistant professors is $62,800. These are averages across all disciplines, so a beginning assistant professor in history will likely be a few thousand dollars less than $62,800. I think this is hardly very well paid.
I'm a civil servant 32 years started at 18K and current salary is professor 95K, seems to me PHD is overrated as a college drop out not bad?
My Net worth 2.4 million.
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by student »

retire2022 wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:18 pm
student wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:02 pm
Take the University of Idaho, a doctoral institution, for 2018-2019, the average salary of full professors is $95,900, the average salary of associate professors is $73,200 and the average salary of assistant professors is $62,800. These are averages across all disciplines, so a beginning assistant professor in history will likely be a few thousand dollars less than $62,800. I think this is hardly very well paid.
I'm a civil servant 32 years started at 18K and current salary is professor 95K, seems to me PHD is overrated as a college drop out not bad?
My Net worth 2.4 million.
Most professors are not doing it for money. Personally, I turned down an industrial job with a higher salary and a profit sharing plan to take a lower paying academic job because that's the job that I wanted. I am satisfied with my choice. Most of my colleagues live below their means and they can afford to retire though probably not at your level. Congratulations on your success.
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by FIREchief »

student wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:02 pm Take the University of Idaho, a doctoral institution, for 2018-2019, the average salary of full professors is $95,900, the average salary of associate professors is $73,200 and the average salary of assistant professors is $62,800. These are averages across all disciplines, so a beginning assistant professor in history will likely be a few thousand dollars less than $62,800. I think this is hardly very well paid.
$62,800 sounds extremely well paid for a teaching job that can grow to $95,900. I'd take it!! (or I would have, 35 years ago).
I am not a lawyer, accountant or financial advisor. Any advice or suggestions that I may provide shall be considered for entertainment purposes only.
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by student »

FIREchief wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:28 pm
student wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:02 pm Take the University of Idaho, a doctoral institution, for 2018-2019, the average salary of full professors is $95,900, the average salary of associate professors is $73,200 and the average salary of assistant professors is $62,800. These are averages across all disciplines, so a beginning assistant professor in history will likely be a few thousand dollars less than $62,800. I think this is hardly very well paid.
$62,800 sounds extremely well paid for a teaching job that can grow to $95,900. I'd take it!! (or I would have, 35 years ago).
I chose the University of Idaho, a doctoral institution, for a reason. Beside teaching, research is also required. Most assistant professors start their job at age 30+. (4+ years of a bachelor degree, 4-8 years of a doctoral degree.) Some have student debts. If this is extremely well paid, what do you think is a reasonable salary?

At a non-research institution like Lewis-Clark State College in Idaho, the average salary of full professors is $67,800, the average salary of associate professors is $59,400 and the average salary of assistant professors is $49,800.
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by bhsince87 »

student wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:37 pm
FIREchief wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:28 pm
student wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:02 pm Take the University of Idaho, a doctoral institution, for 2018-2019, the average salary of full professors is $95,900, the average salary of associate professors is $73,200 and the average salary of assistant professors is $62,800. These are averages across all disciplines, so a beginning assistant professor in history will likely be a few thousand dollars less than $62,800. I think this is hardly very well paid.
$62,800 sounds extremely well paid for a teaching job that can grow to $95,900. I'd take it!! (or I would have, 35 years ago).
I chose the University of Idaho, a doctoral institution, for a reason. Beside teaching, research is also required. Most assistant professors start their job at age 30+. (4+ years of a bachelor degree, 4-8 years of a doctoral degree.) Some have student debts. If this is extremely well paid, what do you think is a reasonable salary?

At a non-research institution like Lewis-Clark State College in Idaho, the average salary of full professors is $67,800, the average salary of associate professors is $59,400 and the average salary of assistant professors is $49,800.
For a location like San Francisco,that's middle class wages. For Moscow, Idaho, that's extremely well paid.
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Re: Do you share your net worth with family members?

Post by student »

bhsince87 wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:46 pm
student wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:37 pm
FIREchief wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:28 pm
student wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:02 pm Take the University of Idaho, a doctoral institution, for 2018-2019, the average salary of full professors is $95,900, the average salary of associate professors is $73,200 and the average salary of assistant professors is $62,800. These are averages across all disciplines, so a beginning assistant professor in history will likely be a few thousand dollars less than $62,800. I think this is hardly very well paid.
$62,800 sounds extremely well paid for a teaching job that can grow to $95,900. I'd take it!! (or I would have, 35 years ago).
I chose the University of Idaho, a doctoral institution, for a reason. Beside teaching, research is also required. Most assistant professors start their job at age 30+. (4+ years of a bachelor degree, 4-8 years of a doctoral degree.) Some have student debts. If this is extremely well paid, what do you think is a reasonable salary?

At a non-research institution like Lewis-Clark State College in Idaho, the average salary of full professors is $67,800, the average salary of associate professors is $59,400 and the average salary of assistant professors is $49,800.
For a location like San Francisco,that's middle class wages. For Moscow, Idaho, that's extremely well paid.
Since you said this is extremely well paid, what do you think is an appropriate salary for an assistant professor with 8-10 years of college training lively in Moscow, Idaho?
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