Do you wear a wedding band? [at a job interview]

[f35phixer]

[edited by moderator prudent]

Nope, not for what i do !!!!

[JBTX]

After receiving a PM from the OP, I retitled the thread to clarify the intent. "Do you wear a wedding band during a job interview?"

This thread is now unlocked to continue the discussion. Please stay focused on the work environment.

Thanks. I edited the OP. The primary reason I asked was job interviews or other professional situations. I wondered if this was viewed as a character flaw. It mostly never occurred to me over almost 20 years but for some reason it popped onto my radar.

Why would wearing a symbol of commitment to something important to you be a character flaw? If anything it should be construed as someone of character is sitting in that chair. No way is that a flaw.

I meant the opposite. Is not wearing it perceived as a character flaw.

[Ice-9]

I am told that tungsten cannot really be resized.

I think tungsten-wearers can not be re-sized.

Thanks for the laugh

[dm200]

If you normally wear a wedding ring, but take it off for a job interview - the "tan line" and/or skin impression might indicate what you did. That might create a certain impression.

My late father was a lifelong farmer and stopped wearing his wedding ring shortly after my parents were married because he was concerned about the ring increasing injury risks around farm equipment. My wife and I were married about ten years after my mother died and my father offered me his wedding ring (with his and my mother's initials engraved inside and the date of their wedding). The ring fit me perfectly and I have worn it now for almost 40 years (no concern about injury since I left the farm when I went off to college).

[JBTX]

I'm guessing that I've conducted about a 100 interviews during my career. I can't recall ever noticing or not noticing whether an applicant was wearing a wedding ring.

Same with me. I honestly can’t tell you from recollection whether any of my friends or coworkers wear a wedding band. I’m sure I’ve blown this out of proportion but was interested in people’s perceptions nonetheless.

[JBTX]

If you normally wear a wedding ring, but take it off for a job interview - the "tan line" and/or skin impression might indicate what you did. That might create a certain impression.

My late father was a lifelong farmer and stopped wearing his wedding ring shortly after my parents were married because he was concerned about the ring increasing injury risks around farm equipment. My wife and I were married about ten years after my mother died and my father offered me his wedding ring (with his and my mother's initials engraved inside and the date of their wedding). The ring fit me perfectly and I have worn it now for almost 40 years (no concern about injury since I left the farm when I went off to college).

Great story about your dads ring.

Agree taking it off for an interview would seem counterproductive (although apparently with women the bias is opposite men, which is completely ridiculous but very plausible ). I was talking about failure to wear one being perceived negatively.

[dm200]

Note that while in the US, the wedding ring is worn on the left ring finger, in some areas it is worn on the right hand.

Probably based in fact, in WW2, a way a spy was discovered was that the Allied spy had a tan line on the left ring finger.

[DrGoogle2017]

I did go for an interview and because I didn’t wear a ring, one key technical guy asked me why I came to the Bay Area alone from SoCal. I replied, I moved with my husband. That certainly was an awkward moment for the interviewer, I didn’t get the job, but I wouldn’t take it anyway.

I also had a phone interview with one guy who was shocked that I was a woman, he couldn’t tell by my name(unusual), plus the fact that I moved 3000 miles after college for a job. Ring or not.

[Barefoot]

I'm going to be on an interview panel next week, talking to about a dozen candidates, both men and women.

Now I'll have to check for rings, not that it will make any difference.

For the record, been wearing mine for 37 years, and the tan line would be a giveaway if I took it off.

edit to say that 4/4 of us on the interview panel were wearing a wedding ring, 11/12 of the candidates were also. The 12th specifically mentioned his wife and kids early in his interview.

[MathWizard]

Yes. I wear one all the time, so it would be obvious of I didn't wear it, and would look like I was
trying to deceive. As the hiring manager, for an interviewee to do that would trigger alarm bells in me.

I rank trust as number 1. If I can't trust you, I can't hire you.

[westie]

Before I lost it, I always wore my wedding band at work and during job interviews. It was thick and uncomfortable. Not sure what happened to it, so waited for it to turn up (a few days) and then decided to buy one on Ebay. Looked like a dead ringer for the one I lost. Worked out well for about 10 days until I noticed a green shading to the finger. At that point I fessed up and we went and picked out one to her liking. 44 years in August....

[Shikoku]

When I was looking for a job about 16 years ago, I did not wear it during the three interviews I went, simply because I stopped wearing it few months after our wedding. This season I have already interviewed 12 candidates as part of my non-profit governmental organization's hiring process, and I have never paid attention to their wedding bands. Since all the candidates are in their final stages of receiving PhDs, most of them have very young families which was often reflected in the kind of questions they asked. I did the same when I was visiting as a candidate. My general feeling is that nobody cares about the wedding band at my work.

[StormShadow]

I have a really nice platinum band, but as the years have gone by I've gotten a little... er... plump. So the ring is pretty uncomfortable.

But I do wear it for certain events like weddings or other dressy gatherings which includes any job interview.

[Hockey10]

I always wore mine to work (for a job interview or just a regular day at the office). The only two times when I did not wear my ring on a regular basis were:

1. When I gained too much weight and it was impossible to get on my finger.

2. When I broke my ring finger playing ice hockey. However, in the past year I have lost so much weight that I can easily get the ring on even with my broken finger (which is permanently bent).

[dewey]

Second marriage. My wife's first. I didn't want a ring, she did. And she was fine with my not wanting one. When I interviewed, I openly spoke about family when asked. And it was obvious I didn't wear a ring. My wife's ring was special made and she likes it. But only wears it these days as jewelry for nicer outings. My views/beliefs about the institution of marriage itself have changed a great deal since I was a lad. So no ring for me. We're married now almost 25 years. We have a loving and wonderful relationship, partnership, and friendship. I never cheated. Never would. My commitment is unaffected by a piece of metal.

[TxAg]

I'm one of the only Texas Aggies I know that didn't buy a school ring.

I'm surprised that they let you graduate without one.

I wore mine every day until I got married. Then I switched it out for a cheap Tungsten wedding band. I'm not a jewelry person.

[MJW]

Unless I'm doing something that would damage or dirty the ring it goes where I do, including a job interview. It didn't occur to me that anyone would care. Probably because I don't care whether they care.

[leftcoaster]

The wife of a friend had his engraved on the inside before they married. The inscription: "put it back on."

[VictoriaF]

Agree taking it off for an interview would seem counterproductive (although apparently with women the bias is opposite men, which is completely ridiculous but very plausible ). I was talking about failure to wear one being perceived negatively.

It's not ridiculous. A man's ring sends different signals to prospective employers and women. To an employer it's a signal that a man is stable, is less likely to waste himself after work, and is motivated to make money. To a woman it's a signal that a man is unavailable.

Victoria

[JBTX]

Agree taking it off for an interview would seem counterproductive (although apparently with women the bias is opposite men, which is completely ridiculous but very plausible ). I was talking about failure to wear one being perceived negatively.

It's not ridiculous. A man's ring sends different signals to prospective employers and women. To an employer it's a signal that a man is stable, is less likely to waste himself after work, and is motivated to make money. To a woman it's a signal that a man is unavailable.

Victoria

I think you are addressing a different point than what i said. Above I was saying that it seems to be true (based upon evidence posted by another poster) that married women may be perceived more negatively than single women, which is the opposite of the way married men are perceived. The stereotype for women seems to be a single woman will be more committed to work, where a married woman may decide to have babies and either leave or scale back. Men it is exactly the opposite, married is favored.

The use of “ridiculous” was a lazy descriptor as it could be used to refute the stereotypes, or that may mean that the stereotype is unfair, which is different. I can’t speak (or won’t) to whether the stereotype is likely to be true. But I do think it is grossly unfair. My use of ridiculous was meant to indicate it was unfair to women.

I started the thread because I was curious to see how what people’s perceptions are, not necessarily to assert whether i agree with the perceptions.

What you said above tends to partially confirm my concern that people will make value judgements based on wearing a ring (which is troublesome and discouraging, but it is what it is). However, my concern was somewhat different, in that i expect I would openly discuss family obligations as relo and travel will likely enter discussions. So what I was wondering was given they know I am married, would they view it as odd or negative that I don’t wear a ring.

[VictoriaF]

Agree taking it off for an interview would seem counterproductive (although apparently with women the bias is opposite men, which is completely ridiculous but very plausible ). I was talking about failure to wear one being perceived negatively.

It's not ridiculous. A man's ring sends different signals to prospective employers and women. To an employer it's a signal that a man is stable, is less likely to waste himself after work, and is motivated to make money. To a woman it's a signal that a man is unavailable.

Victoria

I think you are addressing a different point than what i said. Above I was saying that it seems to be true (based upon evidence posted by another poster) that married women may be perceived more negatively than single women, which is the opposite of the way married men are perceived. The stereotype for women seems to be a single woman will be more committed to work, where a married woman may decide to have babies and either leave or scale back. Men it is exactly the opposite, married is favored.

Sorry, I misunderstood your comment and was indeed addressing a different point. I agree that employers' perceptions of married men and women are opposite. This is not true for all employers, but it is fairly common.

The use of “ridiculous” was a lazy descriptor as it could be used to refute the stereotypes, or that may mean that the stereotype is unfair, which is different. I can’t speak (or won’t) to whether the stereotype is likely to be true. But I do think it is grossly unfair. My use of ridiculous was meant to indicate it was unfair to women.

I agree.

I started the thread because I was curious to see how what people’s perceptions are, not necessarily to assert whether i agree with the perceptions.

What you said above tends to partially confirm my concern that people will make value judgements based on wearing a ring (which is troublesome and discouraging, but it is what it is). However, my concern was somewhat different, in that i expect I would openly discuss family obligations as relo and travel will likely enter discussions. So what I was wondering was given they know I am married, would they view it as odd or negative that I don’t wear a ring.

It's hard to say how they would view it. If you wear a ring for an interview, it can't harm you. If you don't, it may work against you with the interviewers themselves not realizing what's bothering them.

A woman wrote earlier that she wears a ring when traveling to avoid hecklers. I've read somewhere that unmarried top executives also wear wedding rings to project stability.

Victoria

[togb]

When I was interviewing for my first job, in the 80's, I did not wear my engagement ring because I wanted to be perceived as a serious candidate, not someone who was getting married and might not need the job. I attribute this to being young and naïve.

When I was married, I wore the ring all the time. When we divorced, I stopped wearing the ring. For a few years after the divorce it felt really weird to not have a ring on that finger. Now I wear any ring I please, on any finger.

Don't overthink this. What you say in the interview is more important. However, I would advise against a nose ring.

[celia]

In my experience married men who don't wear wedding rings don't want women to know they're married.

Sometimes women are more interested in men with wedding rings.

Especially their wives!

As a woman, I don't pay attention to see if a man or woman is wearing a ring. But I might pay attention to other details of what they might be wearing.

[VictoriaF]

However, I would advise against a nose ring.

And cheek rings are too cheeky,

Victoria

[flamesabers]

Have any unmarried men worn a wedding band during a job interview to appear married?

I haven't, but if I had good reason to suspect it would increase my odds of getting a job I really wanted, I wouldn't be opposed to wearing a wedding band. I would regard it as conforming to cultural norms, much like wearing a suit and tie.

[madmartigan]

In the interviews I have evaluated, I do not recall ever having a bias towards looking if a person was married or not, nor factoring that into my decision to hire the person. There were always many other reasons to determine their employment.

[dm200]

At banks and credit unions, men sometimes hit on the young and attracive female tellers. One branch manager told me that she bought some plain "wedding rings" and gave them to the young women that wanted one. Then when a man would attempt to hit on the young woman, she would just hold up her hand and point to the "wedding" ring. That manager told me that this "technique" worked quite well most of the time.

[sco]

When I did wore one, I only took it off when doing something that would damage it or me if I was wearing it.. Manual labor, machinery, etc.

It actually got smashed a bit once, and now I don't wear it every. (Wife doesn't care)

[sreynard]

As a married man, with the exception of a job where safety or sanitation was a concern (mechanic, machinist, etc.), any place that gave an interview advantage to me for not wearing a wedding ring would not be an appropriate place for me to work. For better or worse, and all that....

Most of the men I know that can't wear a ring at work keep it on their key ring. Forgetting to remove it is too great a risk. Just interviewing for such a job wearing a ring would raise concerns about the applicant's experience or concern for safety. The same would go for a woman with two inch fingernails, etc. Someone is going to have a hard time getting a job if they don't even look like they are capable or serious about performing the work.

I tend so see married employees as more stable and dependable, but that's just my own bias. I've never been overly concerned about how other people see it.

[sreynard]

However, I would advise against a nose ring.

And cheek rings are too cheeky,

Victoria

I don't even want to hear your description of other locations....

[tinscale]

My opinion: If you normally wear one - wear it, if not - don't. If my marital status affects the hiring decision, then that is someone I don't want to work for.

[btenny]

I interviewed hundreds of young and middle age workers over the years. I hired many people. I cannot honestly remember every looking at a persons ring finger for a ring. It was just not a thing I paid any attention to. But I did ask a few questions about family status and kids and issues with parents. I (and my company) wanted to know the kind of person we were hiring and what he/she had in the way of responsibilities and needs.

If they were married I would expect them to wear a ring according to US customs if that is what they normally did. But no ring (married or not) is fine if they normally do not wear one. But if I observed a ring tan line that showed absence of a ring normally worn I might ask someone to find out if they were going through a divorce or separation. I would not ask about it directly but I would want to know if that was the situation. The reason is in my experience managing people with these issues is hard. Most people are not at their best during these circumstances. So it might effect my hiring decisions.

And in my personal situation I always wear my ring but I am an old retired guy. I have worn it for decades full time. I even got it resized once. I did not wear it when I was young and worked electrical stuff a lot. Rings and watches and belt buckles and jean rivets and any metal were dangerous and could break stuff. But when I got older and moved to other jobs I wore it full time.

Good Luck.

[sport]

As a married man, with the exception of a job where safety or sanitation was a concern (mechanic, machinist, etc.), any place that gave an interview advantage to me for not wearing a wedding ring would not be an appropriate place for me to work. For better or worse, and all that....

Most of the men I know that can't wear a ring at work keep it on their key ring. Forgetting to remove it is too great a risk. Just interviewing for such a job wearing a ring would raise concerns about the applicant's experience or concern for safety. The same would go for a woman with two inch fingernails, etc. Someone is going to have a hard time getting a job if they don't even look like they are capable or serious about performing the work.

I tend so see married employees as more stable and dependable, but that's just my own bias. I've never been overly concerned about how other people see it.

People have different ideas about wedding rings. One place I worked was very lax about safety rules in the factory. The company decided to improve in this area and started a "safety committee" to make recommendations to management. One rule we suggested was "no rings or other jewelry for the factory workers while on the job". We thought this was a common sense way to prevent serious injury. Well, the factory workers complained and claimed that their religion required them to wear their wedding rings. We certainly could not interfere with anyone's religious obligations. So, we told them they could wear their rings only if they brought in a letter from their minister stating that they must wear the ring. We thought that no minister would put his/her people in an obviously dangerous situation. Well, that was incorrect. They brought in letters and we had to let them wear their rings. For completeness: I was on that safety committee and at a previous employer, a factory worker lost a finger because of his ring. So, I was very aware of the danger.

[westcoast]

I was part of many hiring teams and never thought about looking to see if anyone we were interviewing was wear a wedding ring. I took mine off because of safety issues while working , it went back on after work.

[AtlasShrugged?]

It's not ridiculous. A man's ring sends different signals to prospective employers and women. To an employer it's a signal that a man is stable, is less likely to waste himself after work, and is motivated to make money. To a woman it's a signal that a man is unavailable.

Victoria....Call me old-fashioned, but I agree. I have the same kind of visceral reaction that you do.

As a hiring manager (with management and line staff who report to me), I will say this. All things being equal, and I have two candidates that are totally qualified and equal in all ways, my preference is going to be for the married applicant. Before you all go jumping all over me, remind yourselves: It isn't what you know, or even what you think; it is what you can prove. I am sure the PC-types and HR-types will be coming out of the woodwork. My answer to them, "Ok fine. You don't have to come work for me."

My experience has been that 'marrieds' are infinitely less troublesome than 'singles' - and this is particularly true of married women returning to the workforce after years of being on the sidelines raising children, or being a caregiver to a parent. I used to think the opposite (prefer singles to marrieds), but that has changed over time. What I have found is that 'marrieds' tend to have the work/life balance thing sorted out (better), tend to be more stable, tend to be more realistic in expectations, tend to have a better handle on emotions. For the married women returning after a hiatus, I have found them to be incredibly motivated. My response to most of them, "You go, girl!" All things being equal, these are the candidates and applicants I look out for. But, and this is a big but - they have to be able to do the job. That is the 'sine qua non' and I make that abundantly clear.

Note: All that goes out the window when the marriage heads south. And sadly, that happens all too much these days.

[sreynard]

As a married man, with the exception of a job where safety or sanitation was a concern (mechanic, machinist, etc.), any place that gave an interview advantage to me for not wearing a wedding ring would not be an appropriate place for me to work. For better or worse, and all that....

Most of the men I know that can't wear a ring at work keep it on their key ring. Forgetting to remove it is too great a risk. Just interviewing for such a job wearing a ring would raise concerns about the applicant's experience or concern for safety. The same would go for a woman with two inch fingernails, etc. Someone is going to have a hard time getting a job if they don't even look like they are capable or serious about performing the work.

I tend so see married employees as more stable and dependable, but that's just my own bias. I've never been overly concerned about how other people see it.

People have different ideas about wedding rings. One place I worked was very lax about safety rules in the factory. The company decided to improve in this area and started a "safety committee" to make recommendations to management. One rule we suggested was "no rings or other jewelry for the factory workers while on the job". We thought this was a common sense way to prevent serious injury. Well, the factory workers complained and claimed that their religion required them to wear their wedding rings. We certainly could not interfere with anyone's religious obligations. So, we told them they could wear their rings only if they brought in a letter from their minister stating that they must wear the ring. We thought that no minister would put his/her people in an obviously dangerous situation. Well, that was incorrect. They brought in letters and we had to let them wear their rings. For completeness: I was on that safety committee and at a previous employer, a factory worker lost a finger because of his ring. So, I was very aware of the danger.

I understand what you are saying, but I personally would never work for a company where safety is optional. I don't care the reason. Some jobs are dangerous enough without taking stupid chances. I've had a couple. The companies I have worked for or am familiar with, an employee either followed the safety policies or they were terminated. The risk to both the employee and the company was too great to play games. But that's getting away from the OP's question....

[Epsilon Delta]

I used to think the opposite (prefer singles to marrieds), but that has changed over time.

Did you happen to get married yourself during that evolution?

[MichaelRpdx]

I've only taken off my wedding band to have it resized after weight loss. I've interviewed three times since we married.

So, in answer to your question, yes I wear it during interviews.

[AtlasShrugged?]

Did you happen to get married yourself during that evolution?

Answer: Nope, was already married.

[SmileyFace]

It's not ridiculous. A man's ring sends different signals to prospective employers and women. To an employer it's a signal that a man is stable, is less likely to waste himself after work, and is motivated to make money. To a woman it's a signal that a man is unavailable.

Victoria....Call me old-fashioned, but I agree. I have the same kind of visceral reaction that you do.

As a hiring manager (with management and line staff who report to me), I will say this. All things being equal, and I have two candidates that are totally qualified and equal in all ways, my preference is going to be for the married applicant. Before you all go jumping all over me, remind yourselves: It isn't what you know, or even what you think; it is what you can prove. I am sure the PC-types and HR-types will be coming out of the woodwork. My answer to them, "Ok fine. You don't have to come work for me."

My experience has been that 'marrieds' are infinitely less troublesome than 'singles' - and this is particularly true of married women returning to the workforce after years of being on the sidelines raising children, or being a caregiver to a parent. I used to think the opposite (prefer singles to marrieds), but that has changed over time. What I have found is that 'marrieds' tend to have the work/life balance thing sorted out (better), tend to be more stable, tend to be more realistic in expectations, tend to have a better handle on emotions. For the married women returning after a hiatus, I have found them to be incredibly motivated. My response to most of them, "You go, girl!" All things being equal, these are the candidates and applicants I look out for. But, and this is a big but - they have to be able to do the job. That is the 'sine qua non' and I make that abundantly clear.

Note: All that goes out the window when the marriage heads south. And sadly, that happens all too much these days.

As I'm sure you know - your statement above is illegal in most states in the US. You aren't supposed to use marital status in hiring decisions.
That said - I also question your conclusions (and those of many others that have responded) as my experience has been quite the opposite. I have had a couple of married folks working for me were the marriage goes south - it can lead to many weeks and months of poor performance, unexpected absences, etc. Also - depending upon the type of job/role - I have found single people can be far more dedicated to the job, especially requiring travel and periods were longer hours were required. No having to be home for kids events, graduations, birthdays, etc. No having to leave the office early for a soccer game - and so on.

In any case - back to the OPs original/(now modified question) - I would wear your ring if you normally do and not wear it if you normally don't.

[dm200]

Over the decades, I have worked with many "married" men who fool around a lot. You cannot (normally at least) determine that from whether hs is or is not wearing a wedding ring.

[AtlasShrugged?]

You aren't supposed to use marital status in hiring decisions.

Daft....Refer to my quote: It isn't what you know, or even what you think; it is what you can prove.

Regarding wearing the ring: I would. I think 'married' is a net plus. But that is me. Others can differ (and do).

[soccerrules]

I have worn a simple gold band for 28 yrs and never take it off (shower,sleep,yardwork) as does my wife except for activities that could damage her ring (cleaning, yardwork etc). Cost to replace each is substantially different.

Both our parents wear/wore theirs for 55/60+ years.

[Meg77]

Edit: I asked this primarily from a professional perspective, such as a job interview. Does the lack of a wedding ring on someone who is known to be married make you appear “flaky” or unreliable? Wondering if I should get it refit Just for such occasions.

Female professional here. Yes, not wearing a wedding band when you're known to be married can make you appear flaky or unreliable. At the very least it could cause confusion and questions. Maybe it shouldn't, but I would certainly take notice; I always raise an eyebrow when I see a married man without his ring on. At the very least it may make it appear that you are trying to hide the fact that you are married for some reason. Not appearing to be completely open and forthcoming is almost always a negative in a job interview situation. But also, Illicit affairs and sexual harassment are huge issues at many companies. No need to raise a red/pink flag if you don't have to.

Besides, studies have shown that married men and fathers in particular receive a compensation premium. Further, being married indicates a level of commitment and loyalty and may prompt clients/employers to assume that you are more stable and less likely to move or switch jobs frequently. If anything single men may benefit professionally from wearing a fake wedding ring! No reason to avoid wearing one if it may hurt you.

[Toons]

Always wore(wear it).
2nd marriage ,anyway.

[Mrxyz]

Male professional
Happily married
Ring cuts gloves at work, and so do not use it.
Too old to worry about what others think
Wife knows I do not and she is very comfortable with it

[beyou]

As a hiring manager myself for last couple of decades, I can honestly say it never occurred to me to even look at someone's
fingers to see if they are wearing a ring, during an interview. Just not relevant to me, the skills and track record are all that matter to me.

PS I don't wear mine for many years, due to lack of comfort, and never felt it impacted anything.
So I may be biased.

[JBTX]

Edit: I asked this primarily from a professional perspective, such as a job interview. Does the lack of a wedding ring on someone who is known to be married make you appear “flaky” or unreliable? Wondering if I should get it refit Just for such occasions.

Female professional here. Yes, not wearing a wedding band when you're known to be married can make you appear flaky or unreliable. At the very least it could cause confusion and questions. Maybe it shouldn't, but I would certainly take notice; I always raise an eyebrow when I see a married man without his ring on. At the very least it may make it appear that you are trying to hide the fact that you are married for some reason. Not appearing to be completely open and forthcoming is almost always a negative in a job interview situation. But also, Illicit affairs and sexual harassment are huge issues at many companies. No need to raise a red/pink flag if you don't have to.

Besides, studies have shown that married men and fathers in particular receive a compensation premium. Further, being married indicates a level of commitment and loyalty and may prompt clients/employers to assume that you are more stable and less likely to move or switch jobs frequently. If anything single men may benefit professionally from wearing a fake wedding ring! No reason to avoid wearing one if it may hurt you.

Thanks for your perspective.

[michaeljc70]

I wouldn't wear one to an interview because I never wear one. If I did wear one, I would probably remove it. Let me say that I doubt it will make much of a difference, but I could see an interviewer thinking ring...married...kids...less availability for work....more family issues detracting from the job.

[downshiftme]

You aren't supposed to use marital status in hiring decisions.

Daft....Refer to my quote: It isn't what you know, or even what you think; it is what you can prove.

I do not understand this response. Marital status is explicitly subject to EEOC in most states and most jobs. A hiring process that prefers married candidates is discriminatory and explicitly illegal. Are you defending your practice (calling us daft) because such discrimination would be hard to prove?