Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

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jaj2276
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by jaj2276 »

I love this thread. I have a strange feeling of melancholy while reading it though.

Enjoyed my 20s and 30s. I'm 42 and just had our 2nd and final kid (other kid is 2.5). I had no problems "turning" 40. Financially the family is in great shape. I am in the same shape I've been in for most of my life (not excellent, not poor, but good).

However due to the responsibilities that *I've* chosen to take on (and when I've chosen to take them on), I see my 40s as cementing my lot in life and not feeling at all comfortable with that lot. It's a good lot but I'm not sure I feel comfortable being confined to one lot.

I struggle with thinking that at 42 I still have over half my life to live but not a lot of leeway in how it's going to go.

I hope my 40s turn out better than I think they're going to turn out.
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FlyAF
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by FlyAF »

jaj2276 wrote: Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:52 pm I love this thread. I have a strange feeling of melancholy while reading it though.

Enjoyed my 20s and 30s. I'm 42 and just had our 2nd and final kid (other kid is 2.5). I had no problems "turning" 40. Financially the family is in great shape. I am in the same shape I've been in for most of my life (not excellent, not poor, but good).

However due to the responsibilities that *I've* chosen to take on (and when I've chosen to take them on), I see my 40s as cementing my lot in life and not feeling at all comfortable with that lot. It's a good lot but I'm not sure I feel comfortable being confined to one lot.

I struggle with thinking that at 42 I still have over half my life to live but not a lot of leeway in how it's going to go.

I hope my 40s turn out better than I think they're going to turn out.
I like this very honest post and feel pretty similar. I'm newly 40, married 10 years to an amazing woman, and have no kids nor do we plan on having any. We both make a considerable amount of money in a MCOL area, but my wife makes about double what I do and that gap will continue to grow. This has never bothered me (I'd rather her make more than less no matter what I make), but as time goes on I wonder how true that is. We're financially independent at this point, but will continue to work for another 5-10 years to really seal the deal while we figure out where we want to live in retirement.

That said, I'm not exactly looking forward to the next 5 years or so. It's going to mostly be just keeping my head down, going to work for people (any people, not just my current job) that I don't particularly care to answer to, and keep plugging away. Get up at 5am, work all day, gym, dinner, sleep, repeat 5 days a week, maybe golf on Saturday, etc.....I definitely feel cemented into my lot in life and while it's a blessed life, I don't see my 40's as being all that much fun. I feel like I'm expected to be this person that I'm not sure how I became. It's too late and we're too well off to try and take a big financial risk in our professional lives, so it will be business as usual. These thoughts have been looming in my head a while now and have turned me into a kind of lazy guy. I quit working out hard several years ago, drink too much, smoke too much, and sit on the couch watching too much tv. I'm trying to change these habits now before they put me into an early grave. I've worked out enough over the years where I still look like I'm in great shape for my age, but inside I know that is not the case. I've also been rebelling against this suburban, middle aged, office job having, boring stereotype of myself that I've built up into my head by getting heavily tattooed. Nobody at work can tell with a long sleeve shirt, but I'm definitely now going to be that 65 y/o man in a beach town that people will look twice at when wearing a tank top or whatever.

In the last 5 years, I've had 4-8 friends of varying closeness die abnormally young from medical conditions. Cancer, cancer, suicide, heart attack, giving birth, etc....which is alarming to me. I would've always thought that people that die in their 30's die from accidents or similar, but my experience with death thus far is that a medical condition can come out of no where and snatch your life from you which is very scary. All of these friends were healthy people, who lived a far more healthy lifestyle than I do.

I hope it's better than I've built it up in my head and I'm making some changes in my lifestyle to help facilitate that. I will say that I have no "REAL" problems and all of my angst stems from my hatred of the rat race which I can't see myself escaping. That rat race though, has made it where money is of just about zero concern in our house. It may not have bought happiness, but having it sure has alleviated a lot of the stresses in life that were present in the previous decades.

Good thread.
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Kitty Telltales
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Kitty Telltales »

got divorced, found love again, moved to Europe, stayed out of debt and learned to sail. This pretty much sums it up.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by SRenaeP »

FlyAF wrote: Thu Jun 14, 2018 8:04 am
jaj2276 wrote: Wed Jun 13, 2018 6:52 pm I love this thread. I have a strange feeling of melancholy while reading it though.

Enjoyed my 20s and 30s. I'm 42 and just had our 2nd and final kid (other kid is 2.5). I had no problems "turning" 40. Financially the family is in great shape. I am in the same shape I've been in for most of my life (not excellent, not poor, but good).

However due to the responsibilities that *I've* chosen to take on (and when I've chosen to take them on), I see my 40s as cementing my lot in life and not feeling at all comfortable with that lot. It's a good lot but I'm not sure I feel comfortable being confined to one lot.

I struggle with thinking that at 42 I still have over half my life to live but not a lot of leeway in how it's going to go.

I hope my 40s turn out better than I think they're going to turn out.
I like this very honest post and feel pretty similar. I'm newly 40, married 10 years to an amazing woman, and have no kids nor do we plan on having any. We both make a considerable amount of money in a MCOL area, but my wife makes about double what I do and that gap will continue to grow. This has never bothered me (I'd rather her make more than less no matter what I make), but as time goes on I wonder how true that is. We're financially independent at this point, but will continue to work for another 5-10 years to really seal the deal while we figure out where we want to live in retirement.

That said, I'm not exactly looking forward to the next 5 years or so. It's going to mostly be just keeping my head down, going to work for people (any people, not just my current job) that I don't particularly care to answer to, and keep plugging away. Get up at 5am, work all day, gym, dinner, sleep, repeat 5 days a week, maybe golf on Saturday, etc.....I definitely feel cemented into my lot in life and while it's a blessed life, I don't see my 40's as being all that much fun. I feel like I'm expected to be this person that I'm not sure how I became. It's too late and we're too well off to try and take a big financial risk in our professional lives, so it will be business as usual. These thoughts have been looming in my head a while now and have turned me into a kind of lazy guy. I quit working out hard several years ago, drink too much, smoke too much, and sit on the couch watching too much tv. I'm trying to change these habits now before they put me into an early grave. I've worked out enough over the years where I still look like I'm in great shape for my age, but inside I know that is not the case. I've also been rebelling against this suburban, middle aged, office job having, boring stereotype of myself that I've built up into my head by getting heavily tattooed. Nobody at work can tell with a long sleeve shirt, but I'm definitely now going to be that 65 y/o man in a beach town that people will look twice at when wearing a tank top or whatever.

In the last 5 years, I've had 4-8 friends of varying closeness die abnormally young from medical conditions. Cancer, cancer, suicide, heart attack, giving birth, etc....which is alarming to me. I would've always thought that people that die in their 30's die from accidents or similar, but my experience with death thus far is that a medical condition can come out of no where and snatch your life from you which is very scary. All of these friends were healthy people, who lived a far more healthy lifestyle than I do.

I hope it's better than I've built it up in my head and I'm making some changes in my lifestyle to help facilitate that. I will say that I have no "REAL" problems and all of my angst stems from my hatred of the rat race which I can't see myself escaping. That rat race though, has made it where money is of just about zero concern in our house. It may not have bought happiness, but having it sure has alleviated a lot of the stresses in life that were present in the previous decades.

Good thread.
Interesting. I'm in about the same place as you but feel like life is just getting better and better. We make good money and have plenty of free time (no kids) so we're doing everything we've always wanted to do. We travel, take classes, DH is a triathlete. Of course, we are extremely fortunate that we don't have any health issues and all parents and siblings are healthy and financially self-sufficient. I think that's a big factor. We're on track to FIRE and I *almost* feel guilty because the world is our oyster as compared to others our age.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by zinders »

My early 40s were pretty tough. The field I'm in took a drastic turn, and I was laid off at 40. I was able to pivot and retrain to work in Tech, but it took a good five years to find the right company for me. I've been with them for five years now, and finally feel that life is stable. I turn 49 in a few weeks.

Having to retrain and pivot was very stressful and took a lot of resilience. I had spent my 20s and 30s being the "hot young thing" so being let go and brought down was very rough on my ego. That being said, i love my new field and think it will carry me through retirement.

The 40s can bring you low. A lot of "real life" things happen - parents die, children become difficult, careers can bottom out. If you can get through all of it, you'll be a wiser and more empathetic human being. At least that's my experience as I stare down 50.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by beyou »

To me it was all about choices.
At this stage you may well be in your peak potential earning years, but also at the point of maximum impact on your kids.
So the draw to better leverage your earnings capability (work more) vs spend more time with the kids was a struggle.
I think I found a good compromise that I was happy about in my 40s, but now in my early 50s I am paying the price.
Not happy with where the compromise took me career wise, but glad I put so much into my family.
You only live once and I would rather be regretting career choices than family relationships.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by AerialWombat »

.....
Last edited by AerialWombat on Sun May 17, 2020 2:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
This post is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real financial advice is purely coincidental.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by GoldStar »

I learned in my 40s not to quote and reply to people that posted something on the internet 4 years ago - they may no longer be checking in to see the quote and reply.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by vshun »

I am 52 and physically can do more pullups/bench presses/handstand pushups then ever in my life, however body needs more and more time to recover between workouts. Previously could do 2-3 workouts a day (gym/kayaking/biking) and now barely one a day and sometimes take a day of break.
Mentally I thought 40 decade for me was hardest to cope as you learn to accept your limitation/career growth stalling/salary stopping growth, but mental state got better by 50 as you recognize and smile and learn to enjoy smaller things.
Financially, things obviously get better every decade for as long as you save more than you earn.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by TallBoy29er »

GoldStar wrote: Thu Jun 14, 2018 5:03 pm I learned in my 40s not to quote and reply to people that posted something on the internet 4 years ago - they may no longer be checking in to see the quote and reply.
perhaps they post using a broader perspective that others may gain from it? perhaps the original poster should not post if she/he is worried about being quoted after an arbitrary date on which they last checked the thread? the possibilities are endless.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by 6miths »

LowER wrote: Sat Nov 15, 2014 10:35 pm Yep. 20/10 my whole life then all of a sudden can't see poop right in front of me.
Yes this was such a pain. Having to do fine work - and not having my 'readers'. All the worse when eyes had been so very good.
'It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so!' Mark Twain
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by PatrickA5 »

My 40's saw 2 market crashes, so our net worth went up, then down, then up, then down. I think we ended up with probably double what we started with, but that was probably all contributions. Our 50's is where we really socked away the money (almost 60 now).

I don't remember much about my 40's other than working and doing kid stuff. Now that my last has gone away to college and I'm retired, I have a lot of free time, but I also miss the family time and going to my kids activities. That was huge part of our lives during our 30's and 40's. Fortunately, I have a young GS and another on the way, so we're getting to do some of it all over again - but it's much easier being a grandparent!

Overall, I think my 40's were fine. Probably better than my 20's and 30's.
[Square]
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by [Square] »

I'm 39. Enjoyed this thread. Joining a gym today/tomorrow. Career and savings are doing pretty good, but while I've been trying to fight off lifestyle creep... I've been losing the overall size creep battle. Time to invest some capital into a gym and a personal trainer. Thanks to all :sharebeer
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enjoy your health

Post by Socrates »

never had any health issues until I turned 50....not significant, but my eyesight is going, hearing, lots less energy, stomach issues (no more nachos and beer at midnight)

also, your testosterone drops signficantly

don't over work! You can bust your A$$ for your job, but they don't care and will replace you in a heartbeat

enjoy the finer things in life, family, friends, travel and health
“Don't waste your time looking back. You're not going that way.” ― Ragnar Lothbrok.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by ChowYunPhat »

This has been a great thread and appreciate all of the posters. I'm currently in my early 40s and enjoying life more than ever.

On career:
I'm fully confident in my career and have found my way into a company I respect, with leaders I want to follow, and compensation that more than fairly rewards my skills and hard work. This took 20 years and I'm so thankful for my wife who supported me on this journey. It took hard work and a bit of fortunate circumstances to achieve. Outworking the competition can sometimes overcome intellectual gaps you might have.

On marriage and personal life:
Finding balance can be tough especially as you have children and grow professionally. One of the keys here is managing your time and "being present" in all you do. If you haven't read the One Thing by Gary Keller I highly recommend. Time is so precious and I regret not taking full ownership of my schedule earlier in life. I won't be a victim to my schedule going forward.

On financial preparation:
My 40s seems to be the decade where our family will be in peak earning and saving mode. I discovered Vanguard and Bogleheads in grad school. This alone was worth the cost of tuition. My wife has retired and loving it.

On health and well being:
Getting back in shape, although this is harder than even 5 years ago. Exercise results take more time to appreciate, and eating/drinking have more consequences than before including more rapid weight gain, insomnia, and drowsiness the following day. Mind still thinks and wants to play like I'm 20 but can't quite keep up as well as I used to. I haven't needed the reading glasses yet but know this is coming....wife already has these.
A wise man and his money are friends forever...
chattyanne
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by chattyanne »

About my 40's....hmmm.

I went into my 40's excited and they've gone quickly. My brother passed away when he was 42 from some sort of cancer, I was 35 at the time. The last 7 years I visited mom who had to be put in a nursing home because of dementia. She passed away last December. I had a major scare a few weeks ago when dad got sick (the last of my immediate family members) but he's recovering and on the right track. I found out that I had a lot of friends who wasn't able to stand w/ me through hard times because sometimes this stuff can be life changing.

My retirement funds are a mess right now but I became debt free which was a huge achievement for me.

I've learned to slow down and look for richness in folks and enjoy the moment. I took up bicycling more for personal emotional therapy and met some amazing people while peddling the country roads and chit chat while we added up over 4000 miles in a year.

I try to keep the small stuff at bay...does the yard really need mowed, dishes, etc. or can it wait while I enjoy the presence of others. I see younger people freaking out over small stuff and I now realize I used to be like that. :oops: ha ha

I've realized all the "old" folks were right...life does go quickly. I am 47, not dead yet, still looking for love...and I'm ok with it :happy

Such a good question, thanks for asking!

P.S. I'm also noticing that when I purchase things it may be the last time. Example: I just bought a mower. The first mower lasted 22 yrs and this new mower is bigger and more heavy duty...If cared for properly I will never need to purchase another mower.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by sschullo »

My 40s were great. I was in great physical shape and ran my first marathon at age 40 in Los Angeles and another in a warm downpour in Honolulu.
Most importantly, I also not only started learning about in genuine stock market investing in mutual funds (vs. those horrific nongrowth annuities), I beat Allan Greenspan by earning my Ph.D. at UCLA at the ripe young age of 48! (Greenspan got his at age 52). Out of the 250 Masters and Ph.D. graduates, there was one other graduate with grey hair showing under his pitch black cap.
Never in the history of market day-traders’ has the obsession with so much massive, sophisticated, & powerful statistical machinery used by the brightest people on earth with such useless results.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by winterfan »

I'm in my mid-40s. Life is pretty good. I haven't experienced any of the physical aches and pains people have described, although I'm sure they are on their way! Financially we are in good shape. We still have a young one in the house and I am most focused on enjoying the time we have left with her.

One thing I have regrets about is not buying our forever house 15 years ago. We decided to go for a fixer-upper to sell a few years later, but we are in a very competitive real estate market and it's tough! That is still fixable, I guess, but we are still in our house much longer than I expected and there are some things about it that frustrate me. In general, I feel lucky to be a parent and my family is my primary focus.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by tadamsmar »

brian2013 wrote: Thu Nov 13, 2014 11:45 am I'm about a year away from turning 40. My thirties were pretty good to me - i started and stabilized my own business and witnessed the birth of my two beautiful kids, and now I find myself contemplating this "turning point" a little bit. I was just curious what the thoughtful, intelligent folks on this forum might have to teach me about it. Those of you who have already lived through their 40's, or who are in their 40's, what did this decade mean to you? Emotionally, financially, etc., I'm interested in whatever seems significant in your experiences. What did you learn, what do you wish you had done differently, or what do you wish you had known at 40? Did you have any "crisis" experiences? Let's hear it!
When I was 49, I started taking retirement planning seriously, I adopted an AA based on indexed funds, I moved my non-401k retirement funds to Vanguard, we adopted a savings rate that would likely lead to a adequate nest egg by our mid-60s.

When stock brokers called me, I started asking for statistical proof. They stopped calling back.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by tibbitts »

I noticed far more differences (physical, etc.) after about 50 than from my 20s through my 40s, although some were there (near eyesight, etc.) My best earning years, although very modest compared to most Bogleheads, were my 30s and ended in my early 40s. From then on work tended to come and go - some years with hardly any income, some with decent income. Now beginning my 60s, life is completely different. I work full time, and am fortunate to have a job that's a relatively good fit for me, but I'm not as good at it as I was a few years ago, and recognize that.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by vitaflo »

To the youngin's...there's a reason people in this thread keep talking about the physical stuff that happens in your 40's. This started for my wife and I as soon as we hit 40, and it's really a bummer. It takes time to accept the fact that you won't be the same as you used to be and will have various ailments for the rest of your life. That said these tend to take more of a psychological toll than a physical one.

The other "problem" I've noticed is having success in my career (thus the quotes). At a certain point you realize you've been in your career for 20 years and then also realize you have 20 more years to go. The passion I had for my job when I was younger has started to wane, and yet the pay has never been better. I have an internal debate with myself about wanting to do something different, to start a new chapter in my life (and now is the time to do it), but the great pay of my current career keeps me from starting over. I've never had more money than I do now, but also never felt more of a slave to it.

If I have one regret about my 30's it's that I didn't travel or get out more. I really focused on my career in my 30's and went 5 years where I took no vacations. This really set me up well financially for the rest of my life, but I sacrificed the absolute best time in my life for travel and activities. That's time I can't get back. My advice is that if you're on this site you will eventually have enough, because you care about finance and that's half the battle. Make the time to get out and do the things you want to do. There will always be time for work later.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by unclescrooge »

vitaflo wrote: Sat Jun 16, 2018 11:34 am To the youngin's...there's a reason people in this thread keep talking about the physical stuff that happens in your 40's. This started for my wife and I as soon as we hit 40, and it's really a bummer. It takes time to accept the fact that you won't be the same as you used to be and will have various ailments for the rest of your life. That said these tend to take more of a psychological toll than a physical one.

The other "problem" I've noticed is having success in my career (thus the quotes). At a certain point you realize you've been in your career for 20 years and then also realize you have 20 more years to go. The passion I had for my job when I was younger has started to wane, and yet the pay has never been better. I have an internal debate with myself about wanting to do something different, to start a new chapter in my life (and now is the time to do it), but the great pay of my current career keeps me from starting over. I've never had more money than I do now, but also never felt more of a slave to it.

If I have one regret about my 30's it's that I didn't travel or get out more. I really focused on my career in my 30's and went 5 years where I took no vacations. This really set me up well financially for the rest of my life, but I sacrificed the absolute best time in my life for travel and activities. That's time I can't get back. My advice is that if you're on this site you will eventually have enough, because you care about finance and that's half the battle. Make the time to get out and do the things you want to do. There will always be time for work later.
+1

I took a slightly different approach. I switched careers in mid-30s, after taking a year off to travel and go to b-school full-time.

I'm now 44 and earning much less than I would've if I hadn't switched careers. However, I made significant investments that really panned out so I'm probably where I would've been anyway.

I also started a side business that is growing steadily and the next time I find myself unemployed, I'll just work that full time.

With very young kids, I no longer have any desire to grow my responsibilities at work, nor do I need the money (other than to boost my ego). I'd much rather spend time with my family. This will definitely hurt my future job prospects, but luckily I don't care about it.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Westcoaster7 »

Great posts. Thank you all for the honesty and insight. This thread should be essential reading for Bogleheads.

I’m not yet 40 and will take this advice to heart. Like another poster above, I’ll be joining a gym soon! But it will continue to be hard to figure out the right work/life balance. In my profession (attorney), I’m worried there may not be “easier” jobs out there where I can fairly trade income for more time with family. I already moved in-house and every lawyer I know just works way too much...

Any of you 40+ folks regret making career limiting moves to work less? Seems most people just regret working too much.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by ROIGuy »

A friend of mine personal trainer told him 20 years ago that what he does in the gym now (age 40) will affect him 20 years later. He told me his trainer was completely right.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by BogleBoogie »

Mr.BB wrote: Sun Jun 17, 2018 10:52 am A friend of mine personal trainer told him 20 years ago that what he does in the gym now (age 40) will affect him 20 years later. He told me his trainer was completely right.
Can you provide more details as to what this means? Is he suggesting the heavy weight lifting hurts the body long term? Or stretching is important?
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by ROIGuy »

My friend plays at a level 4/5 tennis, used to do marathons, overall very good shape. What his trainer meant was to keep up a high level of fitness (that is where my friend was 20 years ago, and still is). Working on flexibility, balance works, joint stability work, core, strength, etc. You can and should change your program around as you get older, but try to maintain a high level of fitness. He was a runner 20 years ago, and still is; he may not do marathons anymore, but I know he can crank out 10 miles anytime he wants to.
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Sandtrap »

The 40’s........age...
Woodstock and Disco a distant memory.
Big money bigger bills.
Teenagers....
Long gone in the retirement “rear view mirror”...

Onward
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Hubris »

58 now, and while keeping this to "40's", will say that turning 40 coincided with 15 years of turbulence, some of which was enjoyable, fun and productive and some of which was challenging, stressful and a waste of time, money and attention.

Back to the '40's, it kicked off my first informal sabbatical which was great including intensive self study about business in ways that are still fundamental to my career today, and also great in terms of self discovery, community and learning about photography and a unique ecosystem.

And, then came the sale of my business which was a mixed blessing since it achieved the business divorce I needed and was helpful financially but also stressful since it involved a divorce of sorts from a lifelong friend who helped me be the best and worst me possible (and who had a life/death scare) and since I truly loved the business we started together. From there, I launched some new business endeavors (consulting, real estate-related, etc) and went through a lot of change personally, professionally (becoming externalized for the first time, working from a great base), geographically (more new ecosystems to learn about !) and physically (knee and thyroid surgeries.)

That all being said, this decade was chaotic, productive and a bit crazed, probably by my own...you guessed it, Hubris.

Looking forward to the thread re: 50's, to tell more of the story.
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WestUniversity
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by WestUniversity »

Taylor Larimore wrote: Thu Nov 13, 2014 12:05 pm
What did you learn, what do you wish you had done differently, or what do you wish you had known at 40?
Brian:

I wish I had known John Bogle and his selfless crusade "to give ordinary investors a fair shake."

Best wishes.
Taylor
Ditto...
MandyT
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by MandyT »

My 40's started out with a divorce that ultimately was a blessing. (We're still on good terms.) After being unhappy for most of my life, I got my head together at the age of 45, and the decade-plus since then (I'm now 56) have been the best years of my life, by far. I started taking better care of myself physically when I was 47; so far, so good.

I think the hardest thing about the 40's for many people is that they are raising families and helping aging parents, all while trying to advance their careers. My situation was pretty different, but, as an early retiree, I think I can still relate to a quote which may be from Victor Hugo: "Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age." I don't know what's going to go wrong with my body, or when, but I'm trying to make the most of my time until then!
Stick5vw
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Stick5vw »

I turn 40 tomorrow 😅 and there’s a lot of very good food for thought in here.

Definitely already feeling the pressure of aging parents / young child (+one more kid very likely in next year or two), while balancing a desire for career progression (+ income / savings growth) for myself and my wife. Need to exercise more too. It’s a tricky balancing act!

Fortunately some hustling and a steady diet of boglehead investing over the past 10-15 years means we have some breathing room on the financial side.

May the best days be ahead!
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papermario
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by papermario »

Loving this thread, reading every post so want to bump it back up. I just turned 41 today and going through a 'self-checkup' on my values and what I want to continue doing and what I want to change. Would love to see others who've gone through their 40s share some wisdom :D
brennok
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by brennok »

Turned 40 the year my father passed. Employer was acquired a couple of years later and the majority of people local I worked with left. The primary headquarters is out of state so I have never met anyone I work with now. My local group of friends has slowly dwindled as people took advantage of working from home to move out of state to lower costs of living. Meanwhile financially I am in the best shape I have ever been with nothing to spend it on.
placeholder
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by placeholder »

Didn't realize this was a necro thread so I posted basically what I did in 2014.
invest4
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by invest4 »

Almost on the other side at 48...

* Eyesight...what a bummer.

* General health / weight...you need to pay more attention / work at it as your body ages. Some you can control...some you can not.

* Old sayings continue to have more meaning...like "life is short"

* Mortality becomes more real. Close family members (parents for example) and / or some friends who are of similar age may have already passed away.

* Expenses are at their highest...including college. Looking forward to making it through the gauntlet!

* Continuous employment until retirement...can I make it?

* Realization that family is all that really matters in the end
Isabelle77
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Isabelle77 »

Funny, I remember reading this thread years ago and now I can really participate, maybe add a little something.

I’m 44 now, with teenagers. Starting to think they’re going to be ok in the end. I think 44 is a funny age because some people my age have young kids and some of us are looking at colleges.

Financially, we’re fine. Didn’t save enough for college, we kind of hit the perfect storm of having kids in our late 20s when we were making very little and then having a large increase in income over the last few years that will disqualify our kids for aid. So it’s in state or scholarships I guess. Retirement funds are doing well, we’ve always saved.

Personally, I’ve been mostly a stay at home parent for 16yrs now. It’s been rewarding and I’m happy we made that decision, but I’ll be 48 when my youngest goes to college and it’s a little intimidating to think about what my future looks like. Husband and I are great, been together since we were 19. He still works too many hours (cursed zoom) but promises me that this is the year he’s going to try to step back a little. I’ll believe it when it happens.

My parents are old now, my mother lost her vision, my father in law passed away. It’s the worst part of my 40s.

Physically I’m in good shape and a healthy weight, so is my husband. I’ve prioritized my health for about a decade now and I’m so glad. My eyes have started to go :)

Lessons learned. In the last couple years I’ve stopped caring about politics, stopped spending time with people I don’t care for, stopped having heroes (other than my dad), I’m learning to appreciate a good cup of coffee, glass of wine, fresh tomato, a beautiful walk, a well written book. I’ve really chilled out in a way that I like. On the other hand, I find I’m a little more set in my ways and I often think I know the answers when I don’t. Working on it.
Rus In Urbe
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Rus In Urbe »

Wow.

What an interesting question!

I'm now 66, and looking back to my 40s, a time of tremendous change:

In one year (age 42), the following all happened:
1. Took on a very high-pressure high-paying 6month crisis management job.
2. Made a lot of money from that and socked it away.
3. Followed that job with another prominent, part-time job that paid less but allowed me freelancing.
4. Divorced spouse, something that needed doing for a long time
5. Moved out of "forever house" to apartment
6. My Dad died.
7. Found spouse #2, who is a peach, still abundantly happy every day
8. Together we made a plan and got serious about saving for retirement

Whatta year!

It made me what I am today------very comfortably retired having had a great career, still working when I want to, blissfully married, and with more money than we could ever spend.

I hope no one reading this will ever have a year like that one----unless the outcome brings you all it brought me.

Here's to the 40s! :sharebeer
I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money. ~Pablo Picasso
Joey Jo Jo Jr
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Joey Jo Jo Jr »

Great threat and great forum! My first post and age 43.

Still have young kids so I feel a little behind in life but maybe a little younger in some ways too. Certainly excited to have the chance to watch them grow up still mostly ahead of me. Fortunate to be in good health and trying to keep it that way. Fortunate also my parents and in laws are all still independent and finally able to enjoy the kids as well, but definitely mindful that this stage can’t last forever.

Feel like if finally climbed the hill/mountain of establishing a career (law) and honesty not sure that I’d ever want to fully retire now that I’m here, but already wondering about whether it might make since to scale back to a 4 day work week. Debts are paid off including mortgage (learning more about investments brought me here), and the wife and I just don’t spend much and also plan on using public schools. Problem is full time is expected at my firm and it’s hard to break the mentality of maximizing income because you never know what the future holds.

Hardest thing is how busy life is. Don’t see old friends much and starting to wonder if I’ll ever fully reconnect with them. They were a truly meaningful part of my early life and I’m wondering if that part is in the rear view. Also need to make more quality time with my wife, to make sure that doesn’t happen to us. I seen a lot of couples split after the kids are gone.
Wannaretireearly
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Wannaretireearly »

Great thread! Mid 40s here. Spouse and I are talking regularly about retiring from corporate jobs in the next 5 to 7 years. Helps for us to discuss and both get on the same page, including brainstorming potential fun jobs! Where's that winery job 🍷🤔?

Just got back from a trip to Hollwood/Universal Studios, 4 nights in Newport, couple of nights in Santa Barbera and a final night in Paso. Austin Hope is a great Paso Robles Winery BTW! We've definitely kept up with our trip taking. Trips really are our best family happy time.

Financially, the pressure seems off. We're now 100% debt free and one kid will be transitioning to local state school. Monthly budget should now be doable on one income (if/when needed)! 🕺

Lots to worry about if we wanted to. But the glass seems fuller now than 10 years ago. My Fido Financial Planner is personally racing me to retirement 😉. He's a few years older, but I really wanna beat him to it! Hahaha.
“At some point you are trading time you will never get back for money you will never spend.“ | “How do you want to spend the best remaining year of your life?“
jharkin
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by jharkin »

I can mirror what everybody has been saying - this is the decade where you feel chained to the treadmill with no escape. I'm right at the midpoint of my 40s and it definitely feels like hte highest stress/highest reward period of my life so far.

Kids extracurriculars are starting to take up all of our free time.
We moved from our starter house to our "until the kids leave the nest" house and big house = big bills and time commitments.
Aging parents are starting to have significant health issues which is a strain on the family.
Definitely don't feel as energetic as I did 10-15 years ago and am realizing I need to start putting more serious effort into maintaining my own health.

But on the other hand...
Wife and I both changed jobs and are at a point where our careers are fully established and stable and we see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Retirement savings are finally starting to really take off with gains outpacing contributions so we can see now that, yes, we may be able to get off the treadmill at some point.
killjoy2012
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by killjoy2012 »

Late 40's here. Single, never married, no kids, white collar professional.

Eyes - I've always been slightly near sighted but never needed to wear glasses or contacts daily. Could always pass the DMV eye exam without correction. Around 42 that all changed. Now need to wear contacts/glasses daily otherwise my eyes are very tired, sometimes headaches, just from reading a computer screen 9+ hours a day. I certainly could not pass the DMV eye exam any more w/o correction. Seemed to change almost overnight.

Health - Just dumb stuff stops working the way it used to. Daily energy level is way down from my 30s. Weight gain is a constant battle. Now have minor aches and pains from activities that I never would have had in my 20s or 30s.

Time - There aren't enough hours in the day. Many people get promoted at work into manager, director level jobs in your 40s that easily become a time suck resulting in never having enough personal time to workout, do your mini-projects around the house, vacation, golf, relax. I sleep barely 6 hours a night and feel like I'm running 100MPH during all waking hours.

Financial Independence - House is paid off. Cars & toys are paid off. No debt. No kids/college to worry about. Decent net worth. Money/budget really isn't a factor in my daily life or vacation planning although I've always lived below my means. Time is generally a more valuable commodity than the cost to go do something or go somewhere.

Dating - I've never been married. Dated quite a bit and had a couple relationships in my 30s. 40s have been the opposite; not much. I attribute this to a general lack of free time & lack of willingness to invest the effort required. Also not many natural opportunities to meet new people since your bar/nightclub w/ friends life in your 20s & 30s drops off by 40. After living on my own for 20 years - I'm independent, set in my ways & really don't have much appetite to change. FI also makes one cautious of getting into a new long term relationship, esp in your 40s since kids (new) aren't likely on the table, I'm not looking for insta-family (baggage), and there's a lot of downside financial risk if you choose the wrong partner. It's one thing to get married when you're both in your 20s and both have a negative net worth. It's a whole different discussion when you've worked your butt off for more than 2 decades to be FI... and one wrong relationship decision could wipe that out. Then again, pick the right partner and you can maybe have the best of both worlds. Bottom line - IMHO, getting into a new long term relationship starting your 40s is difficult. So either plan ahead, or accept it.
Maverick3320
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Maverick3320 »

Just turned 40 so I don't know if I'm technically qualified, but here it is anyway. For background: military, married for a few years now, have a 15 month old daughter. I have a master's and my wife has a PhD, but for some reason I don't consider us "white collar" by any means. We both grew up in small towns in lower-middle class environments; she worked her way through school (with no debt!) and I used the government to pay my bills. We live in the burbs and are probably closer to upper-middle class now, with a net worth that is hovering around the two comma club and two defined-benefit pensions when we retire.

1. I'm doing everything I can to spend more time with family, even if it means cutting out of work early to see my daughter and taking more days off to head up to spend time with my parents. In my 30s I cared a lot more about how co-workers and supervisors viewed my work ethic; now I try to take the view of having less regrets when I'm on my deathbed. If that means an alteration to my career trajectory, so be it.

2. Related to the above, I care less about what people think about me. Oddly (or perhaps not), this seems to have improved many of my relationships. I've also basically dropped social media, other than to post kid pics for the grandparents/family. This seems to have helped my overall happiness level. Other than The Economist (which I read religiously) I've also basically stopped watching/reading the news or any TV. We do have Netflix but we probably only watch a few hours a week - and thankfully there are some pretty cool documentaries on there. Watching network TV or sports these days - the laugh tracks, product placement, political statements, constant commercials - I find mostly annoying; how did I ever do it when I was younger? What a waste.

3. For health: For the most part I've always kept myself in pretty good shape, but one thing that started hitting me in the late 30s was nagging injuries. I work out 5-6 times a week and I've come to accept that I will likely never be 100% again in my life. I know that I'm going to lose the fitness war eventually, but that's no excuse for not trying. I ran a half marathon a few years ago and a guy that had to be twenty years my senior kept up with me the whole time - I hope I'm that guy some day. My injury mitigation boils down to diversification of my workouts. I can no longer run hard and long every day, so now I do weights M/W/F, run T/Th, and then throw a bike ride or yoga in on the weekends. I also do a lot more stretching.

4. Diet. I know that I'll never lose the sweet tooth, so I basically just treat myself to a Mountain Dew once a week or so and try to put the dark chocolate almonds toward the back of the pantry :) Overall, though, I try to cook more frequently and eat healthier. At this point in my life it's much, much easier to eat less than it is to work out more.

4. We currently save around 50% of our income but I'm actively trying to spend more money. My goal is to retire at 50 and never have to work again if I don't want to; Ideally I'd like to volunteer 20 hours a week for something morally useful. I think we are actually ahead of our goals, but it's actually quite tough to get out of the "do we actually need this?" mindset. The best part of being frugal is that I can "splurge" on my daughter's 529!


Overall: I'd like to think that 40 has brought more wisdom - prioritizing what is really important in life. Health, happiness, and family.
LittleMaggieMae
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by LittleMaggieMae »

I'm past my 40's (57 now) and I'm currently seeing the results of all the soul searching and changes I starting making right before I turned 40 and thru my mid-40's. I use to think about what my Future Self might think about what I was doing/reaching for. And, I am now the Future Self I use to think about back then. And it's true - that my Future Self WOULD thank my past self for doing many of the difficult/tough things I did back then. :)


At 40, I realized I didn't want to work til my Full Retirement Age. That realization drove all of my financial and life decisions after that point - I wasn't on a course to be able to retire before 67 (much less 65). My 40's were all about "saving/investing/front loading my retirement accounts and being able to 'retire at 55'. As, I approached 50yo, I realized I wouldn't be able to "retire" at 55 - but maybe I could stop working the big income job and not have to save so much - but maintain my lifestyle. I didn't hit the 55 goal - I hit it at 57. Still not bad (and way better than having to work until 67!).

On a personal level: It seems like everything I do, every project, every change I want to have happen takes me YEARS to accomplish.

For example:
It took me 5 years to get my finances to the point where I was maxing out my 401K and a Roth. I had the income when I started the journey - I was just really good at frittering money - and the "max" keeps going up! And when you hit 50 you can do catchup contributions... the goal keeps moving.

It took me almost 2 years to loose weight (but then I gained some of it back and held steady for a long time .... and then Covid 19 hit and now I'm looking at another 2 year journey. :( )

There have been lots of "little goals" that took me what felt like forever to accomplish - and some of them I never did accomplish - because so much time had past either I changed (and no longer wanted to accomplish the goal) or the goal became outdated/meaningless in the then current "life happening".

I didn't remember achieving goals to be so hard or to take so long - in my 20's and 30's I just "did it" and it was done move on to the next thing. My 40's didn't feel like that at all -it was an uphill climb, in a snow storm, walking into a gale force wind. I still feel that way most days - but I've got all the good results of the struggle that was my 40's to back me up/keep me going/make it all worth it.

So, if you are in your 40's and starting to feel overwhelmed by what you hope to accomplish - just do it - get started! Keep at it! Realize it's ok if things/you or life changes and you have to change the path you are on (have to leave some things "unaccomplished"). Try to keep the Big Picture or the "End Goal" in view. It really is all about the minutia of the journey. I've found that the Big Picture/End Goal does change but not enough to invalidate or make worthless all the changes/things you've done in the early years of "doing" or "working the plan".

Work on your own personal interpretation of what is "good enough" for you. You will need that measure over and over and over again. "Good enough" is often pretty darn good. Acknowledge that it's pretty darn good. :)

I can truthfully say that the "Future Me" does thank my past self for the struggles, successes and failures of my 40's. I'm in a good place now (not exactly the place I envisioned/worked towards - but definitely a better place than if I had started later or done nothing.)
Xrayman69
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Xrayman69 »

Closing out my forties.

My forties was completely dominated with the kid (our fist and only). We were financially stable and on a good path. Compound growth kicked in during this decade to permit us long term financial independence at anytime towards the end of our forties. The kids college is take. Care of partly by 529 and cash flow reserves. Home refinanced to carry some debt but can be paid and closed off at any time. Vacation home settled.

The forties was a good accumulation decade and the BH path worked. Lived below our means, paid ourselves first, low cost index, maxed tax advantage etc then into taxabale accounts. Stayed the course with investments.

I think most importantly we enjoyed the journey with responsible spending but still very comfortable and enjoyable. We delayed gratification from 20s to late 30s. 40s felt and acted like responsible adults.

50s likely part time and consulting unless opportunities arise that permit both work life balance and highly compensated.
Flashes1
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by Flashes1 »

40's: is when you realize that you're never going to be the CEO at your company and that can be humbling. You begin to hear that a friend or two, or their friends, start dying and that can be humbling. You begin to pay for the sins of your youth. Whether that's a sore shoulder from football or a sore knuckle from a broken hand suffered in a college bar fight.
squirm
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by squirm »

You're still a kid, enjoy it.
SQRT
Posts: 1792
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by SQRT »

My ‘40’s? Quite a while ago. 70 now.

To paraphrase Dickens. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…..

My 40’s was dominated by a bitter divorce from my first wife (42-worst of times) Married second and current wife (45 - the best of times). Finally capped with getting my ultimate promotion to c suite job (49) and rapid FI thereafter.

I wish I had known how well things would work out. If I had , I probably would have enjoyed my 40’s a lot more.
Last edited by SQRT on Fri Jun 25, 2021 2:26 pm, edited 6 times in total.
fishmonger
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Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by fishmonger »

39, turning 40 in January. This thread is great food for thought
mike@jb
Posts: 177
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Location: Florida

Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by mike@jb »

Our 40’s were fantastic. My career moved from technical to management.
Great accumulation years that provided the basis for my early retirement last year at 61.
Also in our 40’s, we got both kids through high school and into college.
Both graduated and one through law school before my 51st birthday.

As great as our 40’s were, I am excited for our post-Covid 60’s with travel and times with grandkids.
stoptothink
Posts: 15368
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 8:53 am

Re: Bogleheads, tell me about your 40's?

Post by stoptothink »

Maverick3320 wrote: Tue Jun 22, 2021 10:22 am Just turned 40 so I don't know if I'm technically qualified, but here it is anyway. For background: military, married for a few years now, have a 15 month old daughter. I have a master's and my wife has a PhD, but for some reason I don't consider us "white collar" by any means. We both grew up in small towns in lower-middle class environments; she worked her way through school (with no debt!) and I used the government to pay my bills. We live in the burbs and are probably closer to upper-middle class now, with a net worth that is hovering around the two comma club and two defined-benefit pensions when we retire.

1. I'm doing everything I can to spend more time with family, even if it means cutting out of work early to see my daughter and taking more days off to head up to spend time with my parents. In my 30s I cared a lot more about how co-workers and supervisors viewed my work ethic; now I try to take the view of having less regrets when I'm on my deathbed. If that means an alteration to my career trajectory, so be it.

2. Related to the above, I care less about what people think about me. Oddly (or perhaps not), this seems to have improved many of my relationships. I've also basically dropped social media, other than to post kid pics for the grandparents/family. This seems to have helped my overall happiness level. Other than The Economist (which I read religiously) I've also basically stopped watching/reading the news or any TV. We do have Netflix but we probably only watch a few hours a week - and thankfully there are some pretty cool documentaries on there. Watching network TV or sports these days - the laugh tracks, product placement, political statements, constant commercials - I find mostly annoying; how did I ever do it when I was younger? What a waste.

3. For health: For the most part I've always kept myself in pretty good shape, but one thing that started hitting me in the late 30s was nagging injuries. I work out 5-6 times a week and I've come to accept that I will likely never be 100% again in my life. I know that I'm going to lose the fitness war eventually, but that's no excuse for not trying. I ran a half marathon a few years ago and a guy that had to be twenty years my senior kept up with me the whole time - I hope I'm that guy some day. My injury mitigation boils down to diversification of my workouts. I can no longer run hard and long every day, so now I do weights M/W/F, run T/Th, and then throw a bike ride or yoga in on the weekends. I also do a lot more stretching.

4. Diet. I know that I'll never lose the sweet tooth, so I basically just treat myself to a Mountain Dew once a week or so and try to put the dark chocolate almonds toward the back of the pantry :) Overall, though, I try to cook more frequently and eat healthier. At this point in my life it's much, much easier to eat less than it is to work out more.

4. We currently save around 50% of our income but I'm actively trying to spend more money. My goal is to retire at 50 and never have to work again if I don't want to; Ideally I'd like to volunteer 20 hours a week for something morally useful. I think we are actually ahead of our goals, but it's actually quite tough to get out of the "do we actually need this?" mindset. The best part of being frugal is that I can "splurge" on my daughter's 529!


Overall: I'd like to think that 40 has brought more wisdom - prioritizing what is really important in life. Health, happiness, and family.
I just turned 40 and this might as well be me, minus the two pensions and diet (I'm an obesity researcher for a living, diet is not an issue).

-Sailed past the 2-comma club middle of last year and seen serious growth since. Saving ~60% gross HHI. Paid off the home, kids out of daycare, and wife finished school all within the last year so our savings drastically went up. Should be able to comfortably retire in the next 5yrs or so, but with a career I really do enjoy I am marking age 50 as to when I'll seriously think about it.
-After decades of competitive sports (college football, powerlifting, triathlons), injuries are catching up. I broke my back (two compression fractures, 4 bulging discs) about 16-months ago and I am just starting to do light bodyweight movements. Likely will never do heavy compound movements or olympic lifting again, but I have started knocking off all the prominent peaks in the western U.S. (most of Utah done). I'd also like to train BJJ, muy thai, and MMA with my wife and kids - think I am about 6 months from giving it a go. PT, chiropractic, acupuncture, strain-countertrain therapy, yoga, and the percussion massager are just daily parts of my life now.
-I do have to have (and regularly engage) social media for work, but personally it isn't a part of my life. The two boards I frequent (this being one) are both my source of news and the entirety of my online interaction.

It's been hard the past 16 months psychologically because a significant part of my identity (since adolescence) has been sports and what I could do athletically, but otherwise I've never been happier. Awesome family, practically a dream job, and the wife and I are far more wealthy (at 40 and 35) than we ever thought we would be after growing up in abject poverty and then being nearly broke when we met 8yrs ago (1st marriages destroyed us both financially). I can't complain.
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